


Warm Embrace

by FerusOlan



Category: Final Fantasy XIII, Final Fantasy XIII Series
Genre: F/F, F/M, Family, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Loss, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-07-15 18:35:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 23
Words: 68,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7233991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FerusOlan/pseuds/FerusOlan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Orphan's defeat, Light and Hope try to settle into new lives. Living together as protector and protected, their efforts at a simple life will not be impervious to the changing world around them and their changing feelings. As with all change, the two are left with the pain and sorrow of these changes to test them. However, all change yields new opportunities... HopexLight and some SerahxSnow VanillexFang RATED M</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. At Least I'll Try

**Hello readers, my name is Ferus Olan. I'm happy to introduce you to this story.**

**I've always loved this pairing. Hope and Lightning are so close throughout the games and they really compliment each other well. The feelings they had felt so real and dynamic, and I was sad to see it all end.**

**Many fans believe the pairing to be canon, and I could see it too, especially after xiii-3's ending. Others are staunchly against the idea. Given a few more years alive under my belt, and my perspective on age differences has changed. I know now that feelings, passion, love, and to truly care for someone supersedes any predetermined notion of sex, race, culture, religion, and yes, even age. This is especially true in the world of fiction.**

**Rated M for language, sexuality, and violence. The first chapter with sexuality (limes and lemony-limes) and later chapters with heavier sexuality (lemons, ch.18) will have disclaimers.**

 

Prologue

She laid underneath him, her body sinking deeper into the sheets behind her as her lips quivered up into the dark shadow his body had cast over her. She was defenseless against him. His words, his touch, and his gaze sent her into the depths of painful anticipation.

"You test me," He whispered, "You test me, and I will have you."

**1**

**I...You too.. I mean, at least I'll try...**

Hope sat on the asphalt letting the peach red sun blast his face and his vision. He clutched the knife Lightning gave him 3 years ago. He remembered the day he first received it. It was perhaps the first gift of his life that had real meaning. He kept it with him everywhere he went, any time of day. It was a constant reminder of someone dear to him, someone he was afraid to be without.

Hope clutched the knife so fiercely the whites of his knuckles surfaced and his fingertips labiled into a deep purple. He gazed into the setting sun and reminisced the countless sunsets he shared with Snow, Vanille, Fang, Sazh, and especially Lightning. During the days following the Purge, he remembered watching many sunsets with them. One by one the party would return to where they set up camp to rest. At the end of the days, witnessing the setting sun, it was in those moments that he was reminded of his mother. The fading of the sun and the light and life it gave always reminded him of watching his mother fall from Hanging Edge. With each passing moment, he became more and more separated from the reality she was once a part of.

Whenever he wasn't fighting PSICOM or Pulsian monsters his mind would replay those dreaded seconds over and over and over. As the sun would finally set and the light of the sun vanished beneath the horizon, so too would his hopes of finding peace with his mother's death. With each passing day of running for his life and fighting for what little of it remained, Lightning took more notice of her newfound partner's turmoil. Many times they found themselves together and separated from the others. Those days, when they witnessed the sunsets, she could see the pain and the dread in his eyes. It was in those moments that she too wondered if the sun had set for good on their hopes of peace. Would she see Serah again? Would she succumb to the l'Cie curse she now bore? She prayed to see the sun again, to know she would have another day, another chance to fight again.

Hope remembered those days, the hopelessness he felt until Lightning had given him her knife. It was a gesture, and caring and personal one. Lightning rarely engaged in those kinds of things, something he knew well. He felt accepted by her in those moments, and he felt protected and engaged. The first time lightning embraced him, she told him she would watch out for him. He tried to reciprocate the gesture, and it was all he could do. She understood him. She understood what he was trying to promise. He felt understood, and for the first time in what felt like an eternity, he felt loved by someone.

Hope's mobile stirred him from his dreams of the past. The sun was now fully set and tucked away. What felt like warmth from the sun had become cool goosebumps that accompanied the night. A simple message displayed on the screen. Hope picked himself up from his place on the ground and trudged toward the doors of the building his back had rested against. Less staff and fewer people were inside than when he had first brought her in. He proceeded to the elevators and called for an upward lift. He stepped inside and hit the button for floor 4th-floor northeast ward: recovery.

Her room was not far from the elevator doors, in fact, it was the first room in front of them. The panel read 2, then read 3. An eternity and an eternity again passed before the display read "4". He moved forward, still gazing at the panel and smacked his forehead in the door in his impatience to wait for them to open. When they finally did, he saw her, he saw Lightning lying in the hospital bed. He saw Serah and Snow standing outside the door with little Nellie in Snow's arms, her sleeping head buried into his father's broad shoulder. Sazh had draped himself over a bench a few paces away, his mouth wide and producing the sleeping noises of a behemoth. Vanille and Fang were sitting together on the floor next to the doorway. Serah and company turned their gaze from the woman lying in the bed in the room to Hope stepping out of the elevator, at least those awake enough did.

"Hope!" Serah exclaimed, "Thank heavens you came."

"Of course," Hope replied,"It's Lightning, of course, I'd be here for her." Despite the sincerity in his words, he immediately understood how they sounded. Hope tried to hide the redness in his face while Fang playfully scoffed and Vanille chuckled into her hand all followed by one of Serah's "Oh Hope, you sweet young man" routines.

Snow, uncharacteristically, tried to come to his rescue. "Leave the kid be, he's just trying to do right by sis," He said.

Vanille's chuckles became more boisterous and Fang retorted Snow,"Bout damn time! I think we'd all like to see that."

Vanille's heavy chuckles turned into bellied laughter making Hope turn a deep seeded, hot red.

Snow threw his arm around Hope,"Sorry kid, I tried to help".

"Gee, thanks a bunch, Snow," Hope said with a hint of sarcasm. Vanille's laughter woke Sazh who fell from his bench. After picking himself up, he rejoined the others.

"What'd I miss?" He questioned.

Fang was the first to answer keying in on Hope's supposed Lightning complex. Hope laughed with them as they did to hide the pain he felt in those words. _It's not a "complex"_ he thought to himself. He didn't know what it was, but he knew it was more. The gang had always ribbed Hope about his questioningly intimate relationship with Lightning but since his last birthday, they had become a bit more aggressive. At least Fang had.

Serah approached him. "Thank you for bringing her here when you did and as quickly as you did too. The staff here said you were pretty competent and hands on keeping her stable," She said to Hope, "The GC had taught you something pretty handy". He assumed a humble posture bringing his hand behind his head.

"I just did what she would have done for me," He replied.

Fang, without the comedic tone in her voice this time, said,"That's right Hope, and she knows. She's been calling for you since you brought her here and called us. She wasn't too thrilled with you bringing her here and then taking off like that."

"I know," He responded.

After the purge and their final struggle, Lightning settled on the idea of taking Hope home with her. At the gang's first real reunion following their victory, Hope had boldly proposed that he should live with Lightning. His father struggled with the idea at first, but after all Hope and Lightning had been through, he was in no position to argue. Despite Light's verbal resistance to Hope's cohabitation proposition, he noticed the change in her eyes when he had first dismissed the idea. It wasn't the first time he had seen pain on someone's face. Hope was much easier to read. He had actually started to cry a bit. Granted he was younger, but his father couldn't help but feel Hope was being unnecessary. When Light tucked him into her arms and began consoling him, promising to call him every day and visit often, he caved.

"He's in your hands I guess," Bartholomew had told her.

"Really?" Hope asked ecstatically, "Are you sure?"

"We'll discuss this when the time comes, Hope. For now, I see that it would be best...I think," His father replied, slurring his words as he noticed Lightning's death grip on his orange jacket as she tucked him away between her arms.

"I'll do my best," Lightning told Bartholomew, "He's like a...well no...he's dear to me, sir. I won't let him go." As she said those words, she could feel Hope's arms constrict tighter around her waist. She noticed Snow watching the two intently and couldn't help but think he was thinking something he shouldn't, and that his thoughts would manifest into words he shouldn't say to someone he shouldn't have said them to whether in her presence or not. She feared more for the latter.

Lightning assumed a quasi-guardian-like role in his life. As broken as Hope was, he was stronger and more independent for his experiences. However, he never felt quite enough for her. She stayed in the service after the Purge. Seeing her leave their apartment for a mission and wondering if he'd see her again drove him crazy for three years. He would stay up late, or at least try to, so as to see her when she returned. When she found him waiting or passed out at the door she would scold him, sometimes harshly. She reminded him of his duties, of school, and keeping himself healthy. Despite her best efforts, even in the early hours of the morning when she did return home he would still bring her night clothes and make her something to eat or at least bring her a drink before helping her battered and dystrophied body into her bedroom.

Once he was old enough, with his "guardian's" well-coaxed permission, he joined the Guardian Corps. He claimed it was all a sense of duty to protect others, or even to support her during her service but he knew he needed to be stronger. Light proposed that Hope should go to school. His father's new Academia had some excellent opportunities to do so, but Hope was insistent. He needed to be stronger for her. He made a 'futile promise' he thought, he promised to at least try to protect her. Now, as his feelings changed, that was not even close to good enough. Upon completing GC basic, he requested station at the same base and her. She was the senior non-com officer, becoming a warrant officer quickly due to her knowledge of Pulse and ability to train those under her, and he was a lowly corpsman. As a corpsman, it was the closest to being a medic in the same manner he once complimented Light when they first fought side by side. Despite his best efforts, they had yet to be deployed together.

Even when his work was completed and it was late in the night, he would wait for her outside the command building. His presence, no matter how many times he would wait for her, always startled her. He would salute her, she would salute back, exchange formal greetings, and then make their way off base to the transit stop toward their apartment. They rarely spoke on base and never eluded to their shared domicile. They did so partly because of their positions, but partly because sharing the apartment in secret, even the idea of it in secret, made it more personal and cherished to them. As time went on, Hope or Lightning, especially on the harder days, became bolder with each other when they got on the tram. They would occasionally embrace. Hugging wasn't abnormal. They needed each other. They trusted each other, and at the end of a bad day, it felt good to be needed and trusted by someone again.

Hope peered into her room and gently turned the doorknob. He walked in while removing his standard issue cap and jacket, placing them on the chair closest to the door while seating himself in the chair closest to the bed. She rolled over, facing him.

"Hope..." Came a pale response to his presence.

She turned her head toward the door to see Serah and company peering their heads in. Serah alluded,"I think we're gonna head out then, give you guys some time".

Serah mushed her companions away towards the elevator, much to Fang's and Vanille's discontent.

"The doctor said something about vaso-syncope and also a potential nutrient and solute deficiency. You weren't responsive so they tried moving your extremities a bit to increase blood flow. You became more coherent with the IV fluids and liquid nutrients to stabilize sugar and solute levels but there was concern considering you weren't..."

"Hope, Hope, I know, I know," She interrupted. She raised her arm, showing the IV insertion and pointed to her tray with a strangely viscous drink on it.

"I waited for you outside the command building as usual but you never came out. I went inside and found you passed out in the non-com pool of desks and I panicked when I couldn't get your attention. You were cold and your lips were blue and…" he trailed as he pressed his face into his hands," I was afraid. I hadn't seen you like that since taking those airship blasts during the purge".

"I was just exhausted Hope, we all have our moments, you know?" She responded.

He sighed and he lifted his head away from his palms. He pulled his seat closer to her and glanced up at the door and window. It was late, no one was there. He knelt onto the floor and draped his left arm over her waist with his right arm cupping the back of her head and rested his head against her shoulder. He could feel her heart beat faster as well as his own. He pulled away, clearing his throat and looking away, blushing in confusion. This was a new feeling to him or at least the first time he became aware of it.

*Ahem* "Anyway, the doctor said you should be able to go home as long as you commit to resting for a while. He's a solid guy, an ex-military doctor who I guess knows your immediate superior so he was able to convince him to give you a few days," Hope explained while twirling his thumbs, "And since I have time coming up tomorrow I thought that...umm..maybe we could...I guess..if you maybe want to.."

"Sure, Hope. Just you and me," Light replied, face emblazoned with the most beautiful smile he had ever seen. Hope reciprocated her smile with one of his own and replaced himself at her bedside. She ran a hand through his hair while he stroked his thumb across her abdomen. He began to feel tired, very tired. As he let sleep overtake him, he cherished one of the few moments in which he knew when he would wake, she would be there by his side safe and sound one more time.

* * *

Hope stood motionless. He directed his pistol towards the source of the voice, into the darkness.

"You know what you are," the voice called. Every part of it was familiar. "Go ahead, 'friend'. Open it."

"I don't know how," Hope replied.

"Like hell you don't. If a l'Cie can't open it, then a l'Cie will die, won't he?"

"I'm not a l'Cie anymore!"

"You're not a human either!"

Hope pulled the hammer of his pistol back with his thumb, shouting, "It's over! It's been over! What else have you got to fight for? There is no secret here! There is no hidden truth! I've been there already. Let her go!"

"I won't ask again," the voice said from the shadows. "You know, I liked you, even after you and that woman…'found'...each other. I was going to save you for last, but I realized that even though you were a l'Cie, watching you suffer as each one of the inhuman abominations you call your friends were killed may have been too much. You're lack of cooperation, it would seem, indicates that I may have been wrong."

"You don't know what you're doing!" Hope cried out. "Show yourself!"

The figure emerged from the shadows. Once the man was in view, Hope let his weapon slip from his hands and onto the ground. He collapsed onto his knees before hoarsely pleading, "Why? How? It can't be…"

"Hope, my friend, please just open it. Do what you came here to do. Do it for her. After everything you've been through, you wouldn't risk losing her, would you?" The man squatted beside him and picked up Hope's pistol before pointing it at his head. "I'm trying to help you, to help you both. The sins of your past, all the lives you destroyed, I'm giving you a chance to fix all of it."

"I thought you were my friend," Hope said, "I thought I could trust you. Please, just don't hurt her."

"I have no intention to hurt her if I do not need to. All you have to do is open that door. Claire, was it? Perhaps she can see the right thing to do when you can not."

"Wait!" Hope replied, "Just wait. Don't hurt her." Hope leaned forward onto his knees to put his feet back underneath him. He stood and made his way towards the door.

The man followed Hope towards the door with the pistol trained into the back of his head. "Just open the door, and I will tell you where she is. I will tell you where she is waiting for you."

* * *

Please Review! I really want to know what you think of this first segment :)

 


	2. Warm Embrace

2

**Warm Embrace**

Serah excruciatingly pulled herself up from her bed. The alarm clock and the sun through the window induced a deafening and blinding disquietude. Snow, unsusceptible to such things, continued to lay there drooling and snoring into his own side of the bed. She and Snow had gotten home much later than they would have found ideal. When they came home, Nellie was too awake to go to sleep and as they tucked her into bed thus began the barrage of questions regarding Auntie Light and Uncle Hope.

"Is Auntie Light okay?" Nellie asked.

"Of course she is," Serah consoled, "She has Hope by her side. He won't let anything bad happen to Light."

Nellie relaxed into her bed upon Serah's words. "I'm glad for them," she replied," Auntie Light and Uncle Hope need each other. Sometimes I see Light look sad and then Hope is there and then…."

Nellie's voice trailed away into sleep of her own. Snow and Serah looked at each other with smiles on their faces.

"She's all tuckered out," Snow commented, "It's been a long day for all of us. We better get to bed too if you want to look at some more places tomorrow."

"You're right," she replied, rubbing her belly, "We gotta keep looking, not just for our sakes." She smiled as she felt warmth in her hand when caressing herself. Snow knelt beside her and kissed her midriff.

As Snow stood and moved his way to the bedroom, Serah looked back at Nellie's now sleeping face. _Out of the mouth of babes,_ she thought to herself, _those two really do really need each other._

A knock at the door woke Hope from his position besides lightning. He hastily picked himself up and pulled away from her upon realizing how draped over her he was. He looked towards the door to see a young woman in scrubs and a name badge.

"Doctor says you're free to go whenever she feels she has the energy. She should also try eating and drinking something too. I'll leave this here for you," she said, stepping away revealing a wheelchair behind her.

"Oh, yes thank you for helping and all of that.." he said, instantly regretting it as he did. She chuckled at his gawky words before completely turning away.

"Grab my coat for me will you Hope?" came Light's voice.

Hope glanced towards her. "How long have you been awake?" he asked.

"Long enough," she replied, "Long enough to know you were embarrassed by me when that cute little nurse came in", she teased.

"But Light, I..."

"Kidding," she said, "but you moved awfully quick it startled me a bit. I would have liked to keep my hand in your hair for a little longer." Hope looked perplexed and she knew it. "You grew up fast Hope, you're so much bigger and smarter today than you were before. Having you beside me like that reminded me of simpler times, when you were more of a boy than the man you are today," she explained.

Hope knew she meant well by her words but he couldn't escape the feeling of defeat as he heard them. _What does she mean?_ He asked himself. _Which is it, am I a new man, a stronger one? Or am I still just that feckless kid to her?_

He helped her into the wheelchair and moved her toward the elevator, her coat draped over her legs like a blanket. When they were in the elevator, Hope began to feel movement from the chair.

"Before I forget," Lightning commented as she stood.

"Light, I don't think you should try to.."

He was interrupted by her embrace. Usually, her embrace brought a sense peace and serenity with it. True, he felt the earlier sense of defeat wash away but in its place came something he did not fully understand. Her usual hug began around his neck, her arms draped around it as she leaned forward to envelop him in her hold much like she did when they made the promise to protect each other years ago. But this was much different. Instead, she leaned into him. He was taller now, allowing her to rest her head on his chest while she put her hands in between her own chest and his abdomen. She didn't try to wrap herself around him protectively but instead closed the space between them, almost timidly, inviting him to be the one to wrap himself around her. Hope slowly did, the experience being a new one. As his arms found her shoulder and the small of her back, he pulled her in closer, closer than she could will on her own. He could feel his own heart beat faster and his muscles tense as he felt her heart becoming calmer and her body relaxing into his warm embrace. Light looked up into his gaze.

"Hope, thank you." she put forth. Her gaze caught Hope by surprise. He was left dumbfounded. He had never been like this with her. His mouth and throat became coarse and dry, and he took a second to clear his throat and swallow before he could speak again.

"It was nothing, really," he said, "It's nothing compared to all the times you saved me when we were.."

"Hope," she interjected, "It's not 'nothing'. You were there for me when I needed you. You really were. Before you came in to look for me I could feel I wasn't well and…" she trailed, "I was losing my energy and things were becoming...darker. I was **scared** , Hope." As the word rolled from her tongue she felt a tear escape from her eye.

"You? Scared?" Hope scoffed. Light batted him in the chest with one of her fists, hard. She felt grateful for his words, they were a relief to the emotion building within her. She rarely had them, at least in her own mind, and never chose to show it. As relieved as she was of the moment, she felt disappointed. If there was anyone she was willing to share such a moment with, it was Hope, and she didn't want it to end as quickly as it did.

The elevator doors opened and Lightning sat back down in the chair. Hope pushed her out until they were about 15 meters from the door. Hope nearly fell over her. The chair's right wheel had jammed and was no longer rolling. Lightning began to pull herself up but Hope took the initiative.

"Hope It's fine I can….wait, wait, what are you doing?!" She cried out. Nearly everyone around them turned their heads towards the sound of her voice as it bellowed. Hope had lifted her up into his arms in a bridal fashion.

"Light, you're resting and that's that," he replied as he carried her toward the door. Light's expression morphed into one of confusion and tenderness and she buried her face in his shoulder in an attempt to hide that expression from the peering eyes around them.

 _He's serious today,_ she thought to herself.

Once outside, he placed her on the bench for the transit stop and proceeded to call for a lift. Before he could make the call, he was met by the old man himself with young Dajh in tow.

"Hey kid, we were just on our way up to see you two," Sazh explained. "Hey Light, did you hurt your leg or something on the way down?" he inquired.

Light's flustered expression worsened. "No, I did not," she growled, sending glares in Hope's direction.

"But he was carrying you! Was it fun?," Dajh inquired with a laugh. Light's expression went from bad to worse and Hope could feel her growing intensity beside him. Sazh could too.

"Hey hey! How 'bout we go get breakfast, huh?" he offered quickly, trying desperately to shift everyone's focus, "I know a nice family place around here, flapjacks and the works!"

"Awww cool!" Dajh replied, immediately giving in. Light agreed, and so did Hope but not before his stomach could growl in agreement.

"I hope Dajh doesn't keep growin' like you do, I imagine you broke Light's purse buyin' food before you joined GC," he said, laughing, "I can only imagine what your future kid is gonna do to the fridge every day."

"He's got plenty of time before then," Light firmly stated.

"Hey look at him Lightning, time may not be as plenty as you might think," Sazh replied as a group of girls stole glances at Hope, chuckling and waving as they passed by. Hope waved back and smiled politely.

As they all loaded into Sazh's runner to go to breakfast, Lightning couldn't help but dwell on Sazh's words. She pondered whether that future would mean seeing less and less of Hope, or something else.

She didn't know which terrified her more.


	3. A Light Breakfast

**3**

**A Light Breakfast**

"Hi! Welcome to Chocoboclina's!" came a friendly voice from within the building. The girl, dressed in an elaborate but rather risqué chocobo-like costume and apron approached the group and continued, "Will it be just the four of you today?"

"Yes, just us," Sazh replied, "Could we get a kid's menu too?"

"You chocobocan!" came her affable response. Dajh smiled and nodded in his enthusiasm while Light rolled her eyes. She glanced over at Hope who looked nearly as excited as Dajh, but judging by his field of vision she didn't think his source of excitement was the same as Dajh's.

"Take a picture, Hope, and put it on your Christmas list. Goddess knows you've been staring long enough," Light voiced.

"Huh?" came Hope's response. He quickly diverted his gaze away from the waitress' outfit and towards Light. "I was just, admiring the culture here...maybe. I've never been here before and I was just taken aback a little I guess…" he dragged.

"Uh huh," Lightning replied. She was the first to walk away towards the table the waitress was standing next to leaving Hope behind frantically trying to collect himself. _She looks no good for him_ , she thought to herself, _why can't he look that way at someone else, someone better?_ The thought seeded in her mind faster than she was able to understand its meaning. Who _should_ he be looking at? Someone older, smarter? _He's so smart and capable,_ the thought pattern continuing in her mind, _someone worthy of those things, someone.._

"Here we are!" the waitress exclaimed. She presented them a booth with a circular table and lazy suzy in the center. Sazh and Dajh took one side and Lightning entered the other followed by Hope. Lightning grimaced as she moved from her standing position into the restricting seated position of the restaurant booth. Hope noticed and placed his hand on her arm.

"Light, what's wrong?" he asked with a worried look on his visage.

Light instinctively pulled her arm away, flustered by the contact. He had done so in the past but her actions in the elevator this morning had made this kind of experience more difficult for her to tolerate. Hope felt a hint of rejection when she pulled away from his attempt to help her. His face morphed from that of worry to that of dejection.

"I'm fine, really," Light coaxed from herself. She wasn't though, and she knew it. The pain was a bit worse than before. She considered the idea that when losing her balance in the non-com office she had taken a harder fall than she imagined, her usual grace and lithe being lost as consciousness had escaped her. She 'tsked' at the idea.

The waitress returned with water and coffee and inquired about their orders. Dajh settled on flapjacks and bacon in the shape of a chocobo much to the grievance of his father stating that Dajh had already "grown out of chocobo shaped food". Dajh did not share his conjecture. The rest of them settled on whatever the special was that day. Lightning couldn't help but notice that Hope's once undivided attention on her had shifted back to the garb the waitress adorned without much heed to modesty. The girl knew this, and made every attempt to capture his attention.

"Will that be all for you today?" she asked the group. Agreeing in unison, they settled back into their seats while the waitress took their order slip out of sight. Hope settled into his seat, closer to lightning to avoid sliding off the edge of the bench. She bumped his shoulder as he did, staring forward all the while. It was little enough force to not not knock him from his seat but enough force that he knew it was on purpose.

"What was that for?" Hope asked

"I don't know Hope, why don't you ask miss chocobo-no-leggings?" she riposted, "Ask for her number too while you're in such a chummy mood!"

"Fine Light, maybe I will!" he retorted. Light nudged him again in the shoulder. Hope nudged her back, knocking her into Sazh as he sipped his coffee.

"Careful, you kids!" the 'old' man declaimed while making a sweeping gesture distancing his coffee filled mug from his clothing, "Don't make me call Serah on you two."

Hope and Light calmed themselves and hid their smiles and laughter behind their own drinks. Sazh shook his head in bewilderment. "You two are acting like the Hope and Lightning at Snow and Serah's wedding," Sazh said.

"Oh please," Light replied, "You were there, yeah? This kid turns eighteen a month before and with the help of open bar serviced by a gullible barman, Hope turns into the most confident lady's man in the building."

Laughter escaped Sazh, "Yeah, I remember. By the time of the big dance at the reception nearly every girl there was crowded around Hope waiting for an answer."

"Okay you two I get it already," Hope tried, "Besides, I didn't dance with 'em all in the end right? I came to my senses."

"Oh?" Light asked, "Did you? I couldn't pull you away from your cell the whole trip home! How many girls was it again?"

"I just replied back to them," Hope added, "I didn't want to be rude. They're not bad people, you know?"

"Yeah yeah," she teased, rubbing his mess of white hair as the words escaped her mouth. "I know," she continued.

"Besides, he saved that dance for you anyway, right Lightning?" Sazh remarked as he stared into a newspaper from behind his coffee, "Still a sweet kid in the end, but boy those other girls were steamed."

Hope and Light both turned red and huddled themselves into their seats as tightly as they could. Hope tried to break the silence but was saved by the knocking of plates and the smell of breakfast.

"A chocobo for you young man," she began, "and three specials! Is there anything else I can get for you four?" Another unison of "no's" and expressed gratitude escaped them. The waitress smiled and tipped off their drinks before making an exit once more.

"Don't you wish they made food this good on base Light?" Hope inquired, now confident enough again to engage her. Hope turned to her and suddenly felt sick to his stomach. With tears in her eyes she struggled to maintain control of her utensils. With each cute with the knife and stab with the fork she grimaced in pain. She placed them down and settled on her spoon to try to scoop things to the edge of the plate where she had placed her mouth to meet them.

"You look ridiculous Light, just stop it." Hope said. He pulled her plate towards himself and proceeded to cut her food into pieces for her. Light meanwhile buried her forehead into her cool glass of her ice water trying to cognitively remove herself from the pain of her prior motions. Light felt a presence in her left side and looked up from her glass. Hope was nearly on top of her with arms outstretched resting her plate down back in front of her. He took her fork, stabbed a portion of her food, and brought it to her mouth with one hand while the other formed a 'cup' below her chin.

"Here," he said.

"Hope, I'm not doing that" she remarked.

"You did look ridiculous Lightning," Sazh said from behind his coffee and newspaper, a now popular position for the older man, "kind of like that hungry hippo game Dajh used to play with when he was smaller."

Sazh's remark induced terrible embarrassment within her. "What about your food, Hope?" she asked.

"Light, I'll get to it if I get to it but you need to eat something and take it easy," he replied, "Please."

After what felt like several eternal moments in her mind, Light eventually gave in and wrapped her mouth around the end of the fork. She chewed and glanced up at Hope again. He looked dumbstruck. When she finished her first bite she looked at him again expectantly. He remained motionless and stared in the fork.

"AHEM", Sazh cleared his throat in response to a poor decision on his part to chase an overly tabascoed piece of sausage with his coffee, unaware of Light and Hope.

Sazh's noise jolted Hope from his trance and he looked again at Light.

"Is that all then?" she asked.

"Um no, no, no I'll just get another here and…" he trailed. He lifted the fork once more to her mouth but this time letting his index and middle finger make contact with her chin in the cupping motion with his opposite hand. Syrup and whip slipped from the fork and onto the side of her mouth as she took the second bite.

"I'm sorry, Light," he said, Light unaware why. He took her napkin and traced her mouth with it before replacing it on the table.

They continued in this manner until Lightning had finished all that she could. All patrons finished eating except Hope. Hope requested a box for his untouched food and then helped Lightning to her feet, witnessing her grimace in pain as she did.

"You guys need a lift home?" Sazh inquired. Hope and Lightning nodded, neither speaking with their gaze directed towards their feet. Sazh accepted their response with one eyebrow upturned and took his place in his runner driver side after helping Dajh get settled in next to him.

It was a quiet ride home for all of them.

Lightning rested the rear of her head into the headrest and closed her tired eyes. The noises of the runner and traffic outside slowly dissipated until sleep, and ultimately a vivid dream, overtook her.


	4. Hopeless Madness

_BEFORE READING THIS CHAPTER_ _, please be aware the content of the story from here on is not for everyone. Please read at your own discretion._

_This is an early attempt for me at adult themes, reader feedback is greatly appreciated_

**4**

**Hopeless Madness**

Light's unconscious mind embraced her dream world. She had been here before and she came here often. It was the happiest day of her sister's life which in turn brought an incredible amount of joy to Lightning. She cherished this memory her subconscious blessed her with it on the nights she could find some sleep.

The ceremony was beautiful. The vows were typical of Snow. He droned on about being the Hero and how saving Serah was to be his ultimate feat and blah blah. Serah understood him despite his lack of eloquence. His spial was not all terrible, however, as he closed his story with, "...but when I look into your eyes, Serah, I know that being the Hero of Cocoon and leading the good fight would mean absolutely nothing if I couldn't do it all for you." Serah looked back at him, her lips and eyes beginning to quiver.

 _Etro's sake, now she's gonna just stand there all weepy looking like a…_ Light stopped her thought. Her vision blurred and she couldn't see the couple as well as she once did. She realized it wasn't Serah who was crying, at least not yet.

Hope relieved a handkerchief from the blouse of his newly issued dress uniform and presented it to Light. Sitting side by side in their dress uniforms they looked like GC delegates. He presented her the cloth and she accepted. Other guest's eyes had wandered to her with empathetic expressions and followed with loving gestures in an attempt to share her emotion. Light had never heard the big dolt say anything that meaningful before. It came as a bit of a shock.

Hope had taken his seat next to Light when the ceremony began, a decision he felt was a natural one considering she had asked him to accompany her to the wedding. He understood it was out of courtesy, the invitation. She wasn't seeing anyone by any means and he was too focused on finishing his basic and medical specialist's training for his corpsman's standing to focus on something like women. Being a corpsman, he knew, would give him more freedom and autonomy on the base which would allow his interactions with the often bruised and battered Lightning to be seen with more indifference by the ever watchful eyes of the GC. And now, she was here, with him taking his handkerchief from his hands. She held out her upturned hand to him, presenting the borrowed handkerchief. Instead of taking it back he placed his hand under her's and rolled her fingers into a soft fist with the handkerchief trapped within. He then kept his hand where it was, resting it upon hers while staring unwaveringly at the two on stage. Light's smile widened and the wrinkles surrounding her eyes deepened as she did.

After the ceremony, they had moved from the ceremonial hall of the Grand Nautilus Hotel to the first floor where a conference area had been furnished with dining tables and a hardwood center. Hope and Vanille had found their way to the bar upon Fang's pleading for another drink, Fang being too preoccupied with combating the effects of the one she had already nursed to half empty.

"I wanted to ask you something," Hope told Vanille as they made their way to the bar. Hope and Vanille's naturally young faces were met with the barman's skepticism but he ultimately disregarded them upon seeing Hope's uniform and hearing something about being "centuries young" from the red headed one. He decided that producing drinks would be the better side of this trap then engaging the issue of her poorly understood age

"Sure, anything," she replied as she turned away from the bar, drinks in hand.

Suddenly, a group of girls met the pair as they were halfway between the bar and their tables.

"Hi, uh Hope, right?" came a voice from within the tiny crowd. Hope turned the direction of the voice to see the group in front of them. He noticed half eyed Vanille with scornful expressions while the other eyed him wide-eyed.

"We'll talk later," Vanille said as she took her leave from the group, winking at him.

"May I help you?" Hope asked. Hope suddenly found himself trying to juggle multiple questions from the bright-eyed and dangerously absorbed group.

"Where are you from?" "How old are you really?" "What's being a soldier like?" "Did you really fight with Snow and NORA?" "Who was that girl?" "Is the woman in a GC uniform your date?" "She can't be, right?" "Are you dancing with anyone later?", their questions unrelenting.

As Vanille returned to Fang, now being tended to by Lightning who was doing her best to keep her sister's big day as free of Fang's inebriated outbursts as possible, Fang looked up at the approaching Vanille and then past her to the cluster of girls surrounding Hope.

"Look at the kid go!" she said, "You know a good looking guy like him dressed in his spiffy new uni would come to a wedding with, you know….*hic*" Upon seeing Light and Vanille's confused expressions she continued unflappably, "...protection."

"Fang!" Vanille exclaimed, pointing her nose at Lightning while maintaining eye contact with Fang in a "you know who is standing right here" kind of fashion.

Lightning turned to Fang and inches from her ear stated, "Fang, I swear to the Goddess if you can't fucking control yourself right here, right now, I'm going to have Vanille here take you straight back to your room."

Fang pulled away from Light and matched her gaze. "Don't you get too far ahead of me, Light, the night is still young," she replied, winking at Light while glancing tactlessly at Vanille.

"FANG!" came Vanille's second outburst.

Light, determining that Fang and Vanille's newly found squabble was not worth her time, decided to take her frustrations somewhere else. She turned her attention to the stammering Hope and his followers and ardently approached him.

"Hope Estheim," she began with a directing tone, "Come with me at once."

"But I.."

"Now!" came her response to his feeble attempt to disagree. She turned away from him and stepped a few feet away, stopping in her tracks to await his follow.

"uuu..Understood," his voiced managed while sloppily snapping to attention. As they made their way to the hallway, Lightning could hear whispers and snickers from the small crowd they left in their tracks.

Once out of the sight of everyone else, standing in the hallway, she turned to face him.

Hope was first, "Light, I wasn't trying to make a scene they just…"

*SMACK*

He was interrupted by the contact to his cheek. Light could feel the back of her hand stinging and throbbing with each beat of her tight chest. "Look at yourself," she began, "You look like an idiot in that uniform right now. Today is not the day for you to try and get as many free nights on whore island as you can by…"

"But Light, that's not what I was trying to do!" Hope pleaded.

"Oh?! What's all this then?" she retorted, grasping his wrist and pulling it, and him, closer to herself. He unfurled his wrist under the pressure of her hold revealing a plethora of papers with phone numbers scribbled on them and a hotel key card. "

"Light, you don't get it, I.."

"I DON'T NEED TO!" she cried out. She stopped herself in embarrassment as a staff member tried to casually walk by the two, whistling into his breast as he did. She looked upon herself, grasping Hopes wrist, having further pulled his face closer to hers in her last outburst. She released his wrist upon noticing his eyes redden and fluid building up under his eyelids. She could hear noises and voices bustling inside the conference room and music beginning to play.

"The first dance is for the-the newly wed couple, please welcome them to the floor," came an announcement from within the room. As she turned away from him to go back inside, Hope made one last appeal.

"Will you dance with me?" came his meager voice. He tossed the notes and the key card into a waste can by the door and approached her cautiously. She couldn't fathom the words she had just heard. "I've waited all day to ask you," he continued.

"Hope…" she replied, arms and hands now shielding her face as her own eyelids swelled. She looked up from her hands and saw him, tears streaming down his face and his eyes as red as cherries. She reproduced the handkerchief and presented it to him. Instead of taking it from her open hand he buried his face into it, drying his face, and then placed his own hand upon hers, their hands separated by the used cloth. He waited for Light to accept his invitation. She reached up with her other hand and grasped his, more eagerly than she would have liked to have led on. Neither of them danced much, or ever, so they simply pressed themselves together with her head resting on his chest and his chin resting upon her brow, swaying to the music.

"You look good in your uniform, Hope," she mustered.

As Serah and Snow had their first dance, Lightning Farron and Hope Estheim did the same.

Lightning could feel her body being jostled by an unknown force. This wasn't part of her usual dream. This was certainly no memory. The lights became dimmer and the doors to the conference room closed on their own. The building itself seem deserted. Hope pushed her against the wall behind her and held her wrists against the wall above her head. When she managed to open her eyes, she could only see patches of skin through the white bangs of Hope's hair. She opened her mouth to gasp for a breath. Instead of cool, crisp air she felt warmth, a tough moist texture and movement. Her tongue fought against the sensation at first, but it was not a winning battle. She moaned and squealed into his mouth as she pressed herself harder against the wall. She stopped fighting, fatigue in her legs and chest strangely setting in and met his motions with her own. She could feel his hands straying down to her thigh and up toward the seam of her skirt. She freed one hand to stop his but as soon as he relocated his lips from her mouth to her neck, her own hand decided that to beat his hand to the "spot" would be the truer alternative. Her fingers pressed against her labia, covering her vestibule. What she wanted to keep out of her had become less important than what she wanted to keep from escaping from her. His hand met hers and pushed into her own. She gasped and writhed against the wall fiercely. His hand, finding her resistance, instead worked its way up to her breast as he buried his teeth into her neck. She felt her breasts being caressed at first but then manipulated the next. Her own free hand never strayed from herself, where she had placed it, from where its actions were not being dictated by her own conscious thought.

"Hope...please," she began. Her words became fiercer and more desperate with each passing moan, "Hope! HOPE! Oh Goddess, Hope!"

"Light! Light! I'm right here Light! Light, wake up! LIGHT!" came a familiar voice.

Light jostled herself awake on her couch with Hope leaning over her, his hands wrapped around her waist and her neck.

"When we got home I picked you up from your seat in Sazh's runner. You were still sleeping so I carried you up to the apartment. As soon as I set you down on the couch you started convulsing and calling for me. I panicked, Light, I tried everything to wake you," he implored.

She lay there, staring dumbfounded into his scared eyes. Unknown to him, she noticed her hand placement. One hand was gripping violently onto a couch cushion, the other, she now realized if the dream was any indication, was right where it was supposed to be. Her own scent and clamminess underneath that hand became unbearably noticeable to her as well. She turned away from Hope, burying her face into the couch.

"Get out, Hope," she said.

"But Light, what about.."

"Just get out Hope! Get the HELL OUT!" Light declared.

Following the sound of the door slamming, she could feel the physical and psychological pressure building again. She tried to fight it, but it only added to her misery. Without any heed to her own reason she reached down for herself again and plunged back into her own pain, to satiate at least one madness she had to endure. As the sound of his velocycle whined into the distance, she cried out his name once more in fits of convulsions and uncontrollable release before residing herself to her bedroom to sob uncontrollably into her pillow.

In between crying out in hopelessness and sadness she pleaded to a presence that was no longer there, "Hope, I'm so sorry Hope, I'm sorry Hope, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"


	5. See the Light

**5**

**See the Light**

"Yeah, yeah I'm coming," Snow bellowed as the knocking on his door refused to cease. Snow looked around his living room for his shirt tossing and turning couch cushions and small furniture as he did.

"Here you go," Serah said, pressing the shirt against his chest with one hand while drying her other against a towel draped over the coffee table. "I can finish working your back later, just don't do anything strenuous on it again for the rest of the night," she finished.

Snow began his approach toward the door, his pace quickening when he heard the knocking again. He opened the door, still wrestling his shirt from over his face down to his chest. "What in Goddess' name is so damn…" he stopped himself as his shirt fell from his face enabling his gaze to recognize Hope's. "Hey Hope what brings you here?" he continued.

"Uh, hey Snow" Hope allowed himself, "You got a little bit?"

"Yeah, come on in kid," Snow replied as he gestured him inside.

"Thanks, Snow. I had a really difficult day and I needed someone to talk to," Hope began, "Lightning and I got into it earlier and she kicked me out, again."

"All right, All right Hope. I hear yeah. Let me go get the usual," Snow said. He went into the back and out of sight as he was replaced by Serah.

"Heya Hope, don't worry, Light will get over this one too. It's been awhile since you guys got into it like this. You guys have really been getting along lately, "she said.

"Last time she kicked him out she caught him trying to give her a peck on the cheek while she was sleeping, "Snow chimed as he emerged from the hallway with some sundries and a pillow and blanket set.

"It was her birthday!" Hope responded, "I just wanted it to be a special day for once. She's always going on and on telling me not to make a big deal about them. It seemed like a good way to show her that I care."

Serah laughed, clutching her gut as she did. "Of course you did. I know it's all you get on base but try not to watch so much daytime television."

"Here you go. You can make yourself comfortable on the couch. Sorry, we couldn't offer you the spare bedroom, with Nellie around it's not a spare bedroom anymore. By the way Hope, we saw something strange on the news earlier. We were gonna call Light about it but since you're here we might as well get your take on it," Snow added.

"Okay, sure," Hope replied with malingered calmness. He came to talk about something in particular but it could wait if it had to.

Serah was first," We saw on the news something about Sanctum sympathizers being engaged by the Guardian Corps. A research team sent to Taejin's Tower was held hostage by some of those "radicals" as the news calls them. A GC team was dispatched to get them out. They're still deadlocked."

"Yeah, yeah!" Snow continued," How long has this kind of thing been going on? From what it looks like on the news, the GC has been working at this kind of thing for a while. I couldn't believe that kind of fighting was still goin' on."

"It's true," Hope said, "All of it. My basic was split into two curricula. The first was focused on monster warfare, basic stuff. The second was more elaborate. We worked on working in fire teams, engaging armed hostiles in open and closed environments and so on. Sanctum, to a degree, and largely PSICOM had collapsed due to the events that took place. Thanks to people in the GC like Light, the public trust in the GC did not waver like it did with Sanctum or PSICOM. Many officials within the GC or it's subsidiary forces retained their positions and pay and outside groups and interests who had sided with the GC over PSICOM faired much better over time. I think that this has created some embitterment with those who trusted in PSICOM or hedged their bets on the wrong side of the table. Plus, those of Sanctum or PSICOM who were cast from the solitude of their positions and standing have retaliated against the turn of events and view the GC as the direct instigator who ruined them. Some will even go to great lengths in their efforts to retaliate." As Hope spoke, he straightened himself and presented himself intelligently and willfully. He looked strong and fearless, first-time experience for Serah and Snow to witness.

Snow and Serah shook their heads in silence after he finished.

"You'd think after all we'd been through we might finally be free of all this," Serah spoke," Hope, have you had to….meet that enemy yet?"

"I was deployed once. I haven't been in service long but I had some moments. I mostly tended to the injured and dragged them from incoming fire or did my best to patch them up," he responded. As he did, he noticed Snow soften his gaze and Serah wringing her wrists.

"Thinking about you out there Hope, it's not easy," Serah said.

"I know," Hope replied," I'll be okay. Don't you two worry." The three heard crying coming from one of the back rooms as Hope finished his sentence.

"I think I'll go take care of Nellie and then get some rest," Serah stated. Snow nodded his head and kissed her on her forehead before getting up himself and making his way to the fridge. Serah took her exit and Snow returned with two beers.

"I'm okay Snow, besides I'm still a kid as you say," Hope said, waving his hand in front of the beer.

"Take it," Snow said," I won't tell. Plus, you're not really a kid anymore are you? I think you sleeping on my couch tonight has something to do with that, doesn't it?"

"It's about Light," Hope began.

"Yeah Hope, yeah I already knew that," Snow said from behind the lip of his raised beer.

"I brought her into the apartment after they let her go from the hospital, and she was just...lying there, writhing in her sleep with her hands and feet darting about while calling for me." Hope said while staring into the neck the his beer," I woke her up and she flipped out on me Snow. I mean, she flipped the fuck out on me. I've never seen her so angry."

"Did you do something to her?" Snow asked. Hope shook his head. Snow furthered his questioning, "Did anything happen at the hospital? Anything between the hospital and getting home?"

"Nothing to warrant any of this," Hope said with the slightest hint of hesitation.

"What then?" Snow prodded, noticing Hope's faltering.

"Well, it's...what...I mean it wasn't much or anything. We kinda shared a moment in the elevator of the hospital and stuff. It was really, intimate feeling. More so than I ever remembered something like that happening, and I got a little carried away and carried her to the doors and outside and then Sazh and Dajh with the chocobo shaped breakfast and then I fed her her own breakfast and carried her to the apartment and stuff like that," Hope blabbered.

"I'm sorry Hope, did you two go on a date or something today? I don't understand." Snow replied.

Hope stared into his beer, picking it up and bringing it to his forehead before setting it back down in an attempt to relieve what felt like a burning heat in his face. "Snow," hope began, "What um, do you think of me and Lightning?"

"You guys get along pretty well, maybe. You're closer to her than anyone else, except perhaps Serah, and you definitely spend more time with her than the rest of us." Snow said.

"No, not that, I mean kind of but what do you think of me and Light?" Hope repeated. When met with a misunderstood look from Snow, he questioned again, "What do you think, of me, AND Light, me and her, the two of us?" Hope put emphasis on 'and' but still danced around the root of his inquiry. Snow wasn't as brainless as Light made him out to be. He set his beer down, put his hand up to make Hope pause, and stood up before moving into the kitchen again. He went to a cabinet, out of sight from Hope who could only see his movements and the rustling of glassware. Snow returned to Hope but not before peaking into the hallway on his way to make sure Serah was still retired to the bedroom. Snow replaced his beer with a shot glass and filled it was a much darker and more powerful smelling drink. Hope tried to speak again but Snow placed his hand in the air while pouring his drink. Snow raised it to his lips, paused to slow his breathing, and drained the glass in one gulp. He sat back down, clutching the collar of his t-shirt while forcefully clearing his throat behind gritted teeth.

"Hope, *ahem* you need to talk to her. You're a man now Hope and we can all see that but…" Snow trailed in an attempt to find the right words, "You need to make a decision. You both do, and you need to make sure she knows."

Hope took a minute to let his words settle. After enough time had passed, he stood and turned to the couch to collect his borrowed pillow and handed it to Snow. He looked into Snow's eyes and nodded his head once before turning toward the door. As the humming of Hopes velocycle could be heard from inside by Snow, Serah appeared behind him.

"What were you two talking about?" She asked, "What did you tell him to do to her?" Snow jumped in his seat and hid his bottle and shot glass behind his back before facing her.

"Uh nothing, nothing at all, Hope just needed someone to tell him what he already knows… I think." Snow stammered.

Serah took the bottle and glass from Snow's hands and set them on the table. "You did it so well too," she mumbled. She took Snow's hands and pulled him down the hallway and into the bedroom before pushing herself into his chest with one leg digging inbetween his own. She wrapped her arms behind his neck and pressed her lips to his ears, whispering, "Thank you."


	6. Just tell me, please...

BEFORE READING!: If you just really don't approve of what's happening between the two so far, than please use discretion with this next chapter or two.

**6**

**Just tell me, please...**

_I'm going to tell her. I'm going to tell her today and there's nothing she can do to stop me!_ Hope told himself the whole drive home. _I'm really going to do this!_ With each passing minute, his resolve and determination grew. He tried to depict what would happen in his mind. Certainly Lightning would be furious with him again. He wasn't supposed to be home tonight and she made sure he knew it. The dark star filled sky was penetrated by the headlamp on Hope's velocycle. No one was on the roads this late and Hope was feeling brave. He pulled the throttle fiercely, forcing his velocycle to whine. At the peak of the whine, Hope squeezed the clutch with his left hand and retracted his left foot pulling the velocycle into the next gear. He needed to be home, with her, right now.

Lightning lay in bed allowing the darkness of the room to envelop her save for the light of her phone. This was her fourth long message she was working on. She had already sent 3 to Hope, she tried to explain what was happening, why she was doing what she did. It wasn't his fault, that she knew, but she had treated him poorly. _Not just poorly,_ she thought, _I treated him like total shit._ She was becoming worried. Was he ignoring her? Why hadn't he responded yet? He always did before.

LIGHTisPOWER (4/4):

Hope, I'm sorry again I really am. It was a moment of weakness. Really. I'm not THAT old you know, I get those kinds of...urges sometimes too. It just happens. Like I said, I don't want you gone Hope, I know you're upset and I don't deserve to ask this but please come home. For me. I need to talk to you. I promise I will keep myself in control. You won't see anything like that again. I SWEAR it on my life. So please Hope, come home. I need you.

*SEND*

As soon as Light had sent her fourth message she was startled by the rustling of keys and the opening of her front door. Fortunately, in her shame earlier that day she donned boxers and sweatpants before getting into bed. She jumped out of bed and ran to her bedroom door, placing her ear against it to listen for him.

"Light, I'm home. Look I know you don't want to talk to me and you don't want me around right now but I need to talk to you," Hope said as he set his keys and helmet down by the door, closing it with the heel of his foot. Lightning emerged from her bedroom wearing her sweatpants with boxers visible and a black tank top. _Are those boxers mine?_ Hope thought.

"Hope, how did you get home so fast?" She asked.

"What do you mean? I thought you didn't want me home," Hope replied.

"But my messages.."

"What messages?" Hope murmured as he pulled out his phone. Lightning realized he hadn't yet read her messages, her admissions to things she now wasn't sure if she wanted him to know. Within a fraction of a second, she had lept on Hope, pushing him to the ground. She straddled him on the living room floor, reaching for his phone which he clung to like a sailor clinging to the railing on a storm-swept ship. They struggled for half a minute, ultimately leading to Lightning empowering him. When she finally had his phone, her sweatpants had slipped, showing more of herself and her tank was a mess. Hope's own shirt was severely disheveled and blocking his face. He yanked it off and attacked her while she tried desperately to turn on his device. This time, he straddled her and pulled his phone away from her hands.

"Hope, NO! Please!" She cried out.

"I'm gonna read them Light! There's nothing you can do about it!" He said. Once he had his phone, he held her down between his legs, her waist tucked within them. With one hand he grasped her wrists and held them above her head. With the phone in the palm of his other hand, he started to read the messages out loud.

LIGHTisPOWER (1/4):

It's not what you think Hope. What you saw was just me having a bad dream. I was scared and confused and I didn't mean anything I said. I just didn't want you to see me like that. Ever.

LIGHTisPOWER (2/4):

It wasn't a bad dream Hope, I didn't mean it like that. I don't think of my dreams of you as bad ones. It's just this one was more...involved. I was scared. I don't try to think of you like that. I don't try to make a habit out of touching...you know...touching...to you. I just had a moment of weakness.

LIGHTisPOWER (3/4):

It's just that it's harder to look at you for some reason, and when I do I don't understand why it is. I feel so confused and misunderstood. I've been feeling like this for a while. I'm older than you so I think I've had more time trying to deal with these kinds of feelings. It's just when you were younger I was too afraid to talk to you about them. I'm too old I think. You would have just been scared of me and think I was some kind of freak. You probably think that now after seeing what I did.

As Hope finished reading the last message, Light lay beneath him crying into her shoulder. She turned her face away in an attempt to hide her pain from him. Hope, in a daze, staggered off of her. As he stood, he dropped his phone, letting it fall to the floor with a muffled thud against the carpet. Light curled into a ball and cried into her knees while he worked his way away from her. He sat down on the far side of the couch facing away from her.

"Light, I don't understand," he began, "You were, touching yourself...to me?" Light pulled herself up from the ground and worked her way to the door.

"I think you should go," she muttered.

"I'm not going anywhere, Light!"

"Then I'll leave!" she exclaimed as she grasped the door handle. Hope forced himself between her and the door and let her slam herself into him. He underestimated how forceful she was and felt his knees collapsing. His upper body buckled onto his lower and he fell onto the ground, seated with his back against the door. Light collapsed onto him too, her legs sprawled away from the door with her chest against his groin and her face resting his abdomen. She buried her face into his shirt and with an emotionally weakened clutched fist she tried to hit him. Hope braced himself but felt her strikes were weak and sporadic. She forced a painstaking sentence through her sobbing and tears, "You are so cruel Hope."

"Please, Light! Just tell me what to do and I'll do it! I need you too, Light! I need you more than anyone else and anything else in my life," he pleaded, "What do you want me to say? Do you want me to say what you did is okay? It's okay, Light. You are young and beautiful, you really are, no one is saying you can't have any urges. I'm not offended, really. It's not what I expected but I don't feel offended, really. I...I almost prefer it this way. I don't know how I'd feel if you thought that way and did to yourself what you did to the thought of some other guy I didn't know. At least I know what to expect this way, when you get like this, when you...feel those things."

"Hope, you just don't get it do you…"

"Hell I don't, Light! Look!" Hope shouted as he pushed her away from him momentarily enough to show her the stress forming between himself and his pants under his waistband. "Sometimes Light...shit...I mean sometimes...I might be thinking about you too." She stopped crying and looked into his eyes, she studied him trying to understand his words.

"Look, I'll make this right, okay? Let's do this right now," he stated. He picked himself up and took her by the hand to the bathroom door, grabbing his phone from the floor on the way. He opened his photo album and selected a picture of Light in swimwear. It was a photo of the whole gang swimming at the beach. He tapped his screen to zoom in on her and centered the frame so only she was visible. He showed her his phone and said, "I'm going to go in the bathroom and...well...I'm going to do it thinking about you okay? To be honest, this isn't the first time, but this way you will know I am doing it. I'll leave the door slightly open and you...you just...just come in whenever I won't stop or turn you away. That'll make us even, right?"

She stood before him, unable to comprehend his words or the gravity of what he had proposed. She wanted to stop him, to cry out in disapproval. She hated herself for wanting this, for wanting it more than anything. She couldn't comprehend why he'd go to such lengths for her. She was asking too much, right? Why would he do this? What did he feel for her? What was it she was feeling? Light looked to the floor while loosening her grip on his hand as he loosened his. As she delicately raised her head revealing her puffy red eyes and wet nose she calmly uttered, "all right Hope."

"Are you sure Light?"

"Yes...I need you to do this Hope."

Hope gently caressed her cheek with his hand and smiled into her eyes. She didn't deserve him right now. _I'm such a piece of trash_ Light thought to herself.

"Could you...when you are thinking of me, Hope, could you..." she stammered.

"Yes, Light?"

"Claire," she said, "Say Claire when you are behind that door, not Light or Lightning. I want to hear you say it when you call my name, please..."

Hope brought his lips to her face and pecked her nose. Claire took a sharp breath and pulled her hands into her breasts in dreaded anticipation of when he would inevitably pull away.

"I will Claire." With those words, he slipped away from her and went behind the door.


	7. Walls Coming Down

**Please, Please use discretion, this chapter especially. Otherwise, please comment/review. This is my first attempt at anything hyper-sexual/emotional with this version of these characters. I would love to know what you think.**

**7**

**Walls Coming Down**

Lightning could hear the squeak of the door as it hid Hope from her view. She could hear him sitting down, his body making an audible thud as it met the floor. Hope sat on the ground with his back against the tub and torso facing the door. He removed his belt and tossed it to the side. He tried to steady his mind and control his breathing. Part of him was excited, the other was scared. _I don't know that I'm ready to this, but I wanted to tell her what I feel. I need to get her to trust me again,_ he thought.

Suddenly, before he had managed to do anything, Light burst into the room with a panicked expression. She staggered over his outstretched legs and tripped over his body. She thought he would be in the tub or sitting the closed toilet seat.

"Hope, Wait! Don't do it!" she cried out.

"What? Are you serious?" he asked with a slight hint of frustration in his voice.

"Yes, I really am," she explained. This time, she was her composed, collected, and cool self. She appeared strong and focused as she had in the past before today. "What you are doing, even it's for me, is not something you are choosing to do on your own. In its own way, I am forcing this on you."

"Light, it's not really like I don't want to," he said, fingers pointed to the swelling in his pants.

"You're still doing it for my sake. I brought this whole thing up, I became emotional, and I was the one who told you I needed you to do something so unreasonable. That's not what a true friend does. I told you I'd protect you and look out for you, and this is not the way to do that," Light said, "when I watched you walk in here I realized just how unreasonable and selfish I was being. I am truly sorry Hope. Please forgive me."

He stood and faced her before taking her into his arms. "Are you sure you don't need to see me do this?", he asked, "What about being even? I don't want this to weigh you down forever."

"You agreeing to it, you sacrificing yourself like this to make me feel at peace with what happened earlier, it's all enough for me Hope. Just knowing that you're okay with me thinking about you so shamefully makes me feel better. I'm so sorry I asked you to prove your trust to me. I needed to trust you. I….ugghh.."

Hope grabbed Lightning's shoulders as she collapsed to the floor. He pulled her close to him so she wouldn't meet the floor as forcefully as she might have otherwise. "Light, are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, I am. I'll be okay, Hope," she replied.

"You look terrible Light. When was the last time you showered? How about when you drank something?

"Ummm...it may have been a little bit.." she said.

Hope picked her up in his arms and carried her to the bathtub. Once he set her down within it, he helped her remove her clothing and cast them aside by his belt. He turned on the shower head, letting the warm water pummel her. He took the soap nearby and lathered it into his hands before spreading its foam across as much of her body as he was willing to touch. "Just soak for a bit Light. I'll be right back." He left the bathroom and returned with a glass of orange juice. He gave her the orange juice before kneeling down next to the tub.

Lightning closed her eyes and placed the back of her head on the rim of the tub behind her. With one hand she held her juice while the other rested within Hope's grip as he soaped that arm. "You're the best kind of someone anyone could ask for in their lives," she said, "Hope, you know I love you, right? You're such a sweet person, you always were."

"C'mon Light, it's nothing. I know you'd do the same for me."

"Then...will you let me show you?" she offered. She looked into his eyes waiting for a sign. This time, she asked for his permission instead of trying to force him. Hope took a moment of staring at the hand he was holding before releasing it. He stood and undressed, tossing his remaining clothes to the pile. Hope eased into the tub with her. He tried to sit on her lap but he was too heavy. She instead stood, allowing him to take his seat on the tub floor. Light stood and turned to face him. She gathered the soap in her hands and lathered her soapy hands around his face, neck, and back. As she did, he put his own head back on the rim of the tub and closed his eyes. While he took a moment to soak, she resumed her seat on his lap.

This was the most relaxed they had been with each other in a very long time. For the first time in a long time, Lightning and Hope shared a comfortable silence together. After several minutes, Hope finally broke it.

"Light, do you remember last time, the last time we were like this? Maybe two or three years ago you had come home battered and bloodied. You were in too much pain to bring yourself into the tub so I picked you up and carried you in. You and I sat under the hot water in our clothes as I tried to wipe the blood and grime from your wounds. When I saw you like that I was so torn and heartbroken. Seeing you in that state made me want to keep my promise protect you even more. I think that was the day I decided I was joining the Guardian Corps."

"I remember, " she replied as he embraced her and pulled her closer to him. "I remember we sat just like this except you were in my lap that time. Hope, you HAVE protected me. You protected when you saved me countless times against PSICOM, you protected me when you waited for me those late nights after my missions, you protected me each time you nursed my wounds, and you protect me even today when you hold me close and smile, telling me how much my being here with you means to you. You protected me then and you did so countless times since. You have made good on that promise more times than I can remember. For the longest time, I was terrified of losing you. I lost my parents, my friends, I even thought I had lost Serah, and there were moments where I thought I would lose you. After you came to live here, on some tough days I thought I wouldn't make it home to see you. Not a day goes by that I don't think of all of the things you've done for me. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you, and not a day goes by that I don't count the minutes until I can be near you again."

Hope pulled his head forward and opened his eyes. Here he was, alone with her. He's always been here but somehow he felt miles apart from her. He knew the things she shared with him were painful for her to say. Things weren't always easy, for the both of them. With every squeeze of his hand, with every heartbreaking realization and terrorizing truth that she shared he could feel her walls coming down bit by bit. He placed one hand on her chin to guide her face to his before saying aloud, "Light, I love you. I don't just love you as a friend and guardian who took me into her home, I love you as a woman too. You are strong, protective, beautiful, you are everything to me. I don't know what to call the feelings I have for you, but your words just now have made me the happiest person alive, and I'll always be here to protect you the way you have protected me. You are my savior."

She picked herself up and turned completely around. She let her body passively drape itself across him with her head resting on his shoulder and left leg wrapped around his thighs. "You are my savior too," she replied.

Hope placed his hand on the back of her head and with the other on the small of her back he pulled her closer into him. She instinctively looked up into his face as she tried to search him for his source of newfound boldness. "Light," he began, "may I kiss you?"

She took a moment to respond and settled on the words, "Hope you can kiss me, but only if this is the first and last time you ever ask for my permission to do so." Light straddled him, one leg on each side of his waist with her body held over him by her hands resting on the bathtub floor. Hope gently guided her soaked hair away from her face as she shielded them both from the falling water with her body. He pressed toward her, lifting himself up with his elbows against the tub as she let her own buckle just enough to meet him. Their kiss was simple. It was sweet and passionate but no more. Neither tried to introduce any other part of their mouth. They maintained their contact for many moments, breathing audibly through their noses as they did. Light felt that for the first time since making her original promise with him many years ago, she felt whatever pain she held onto in her heart had vanished during those sweet moments he kissed her. Hope was the first to pull away but not by choice. The pressure on his elbows and soreness in his arms had eventually prevailed. He collapsed back onto the floor of the tub, lifeless and motionless. He couldn't comprehend what he had just done and neither could the rest of his body. He made no effort to hold himself up as he did before, he simply laid on his back staring up into her gaze. Light let her arms collapse below her and she laid lifeless on top of him save for inching her face just enough toward his to kiss him once more.

"Hope, I've protected you when you were a kid, and I took you into my home as you took me into your heart." she began, "I've watched you grow into the wonderful man you are today, and I love that man more than anything in this world. I love you as the delicate boy you once were, and I love you as sweet and loving young man you are now laying beside me. I don't know what it is to call how I feel about you either, but I do know one thing. I love you Hope Estheim. Not a moment will pass for the rest of eternity that I will ever stop loving you."

As the final words of her confession left her lips, she realized what she had just admitted. She had no idea what she wanted to say to him or how to say it for all of these years but within that fleeting, subconscious second the moment she had been both terrified of and yearning for had finally passed. Lightning had told Hope what he meant to her, and in doing so she confirmed to herself what she had been so afraid to admit for so long. As his love and a newfound sense of catharsis and relief blanketed over her, Lightning start to shake. She was weeping uncontrollably in his arms. Hope simply embraced her with both his arms and his legs and kissed her again and again and again. With each passing embrace and each tender kiss Lightning's tears became more frequent and her sobbing more intense. After several minutes, she was completely spent. With her newfound sense of relief came unbelievable exhaustion. She wanted to kiss Hope, to return each one of his but her body was spent. Hope understood the change he felt in her body as he held her and leaned forward to turn off the water. He threw a nearby towel over his shoulder and picked her up in his arms just as he had in the hospital. He delicately carried her to her bedroom and laid her beautiful, petite, exposed body at the foot of the bed. He kissed her once more before lifting her head and sliding the towel beneath it. He gingerly threaded the towel through her hair to dry it and worked the towel down the rest of her body. He caressed the towel up and down each arm, kissing every inch the towel had prepared for him. He then picked up her right leg and began at her foot, slowly working his way towards her thighs and hips. When he finished her legs, he began at her breasts and let his grip on them, towel separating, pause longer than needed. Finally, he passed her abdomen and pressed the towel against her hips and pelvis before cupping the towel in his hand. He placed his toweled hand upon her vulva as he threaded the fingers of his other hand with the fingers one of hers. She pursed her lips together and tightly closed her eyes. Her breathing became heavier and more frequent. As he ever so softly wiped her clean, she took in a deep breath and released an intense moan before curling her quivering toes. Hope looked down at her pulsing pudenda and watched as newly forming fluid seeped and pooled around her tender folds.

"Light...did you just.."

"Don't look Hope, I didn't mean for that to happen! I'm sorry I can't control myself, "she said, eyes guarded by her forearm as she turned her face away from him. "You were trying to do something sweet for me and I took that and soiled it like everything else. I'm so pathe.."

Hope interrupted her with a kiss. He was more forceful this time as he sprawled himself onto the bed and forced himself on top of her. "You're not pathetic Light. You're an amazing woman. You're beautiful, everything about you is beautiful, even and especially this," he said, raising the soiled towel into view with his hand. "I know you think these physical feelings and desires you have are wrong and disgusting but I don't see them that way. It's normal Light, it's amazing and wonderful and I am so happy you have them because of me. If you had them because of anyone else I wouldn't know what to do with myself but like this, like this I want to cherish them and I want you to do the same. When you do these things because of me, it makes me feel like I satisfy you more completely, more intimately. I don't want you to suppress them anymore, show them to me. Let me be a part of them. Let me help you when...when you...need my help like this."

Lightning opened her eyes and allowed a smile to creep onto her face. She met his green-eyed gaze and lifted her hand to his cheek. She stroked his face with the soft of her thumb while caressing his chest with the back of her other hand. "What could I have ever done to deserve you?" she whispered. She took his hand and guided it to her vestibule. She pushed one of his fingers into her and directed his thumb to her clitoris. As she did this she took a sharp breath in and held it while tensing her body and burying the fingers of her free hand into his neck. "Just, go slow okay?" she cautioned.

Hope gently pushed his finger inward, nearly having to chase her with his hand as he did when she yanked her hips backward into the bed. He relieved his finger for only a moment and pushed back in. Hope wrapped his free hand around her waist and broke her gaze to lean in and kiss her. Even now he waited for her tongue, unsure if the presence of his own was something she truly desired. She did. She pushed her tongue up against his lips and he met her with his. As the two tangled mouth to mouth, he quickened his pace below. His fingers became more aggressive and his thumb more engaged. She broke free of his kiss to release a loud moan and chant his name fervently into the darkness. At long last the pressure she felt was too much. Hope felt her knees pull in and her thighs tighten around his hand. She arched her back and pressed herself up against his chest. Her cries of agony and anticipation were suddenly replaced by the bellowing of his name and extended squealing. She shook violently in his arms, legs quivering and her back pulled back into what appeared to be a painfully involuntary position. Hope gripped her close amidst her screams and steadied her against the bed below them. When the sensation had finally past she was left more lifeless than ever before, gasping furiously again and again formuch-neededd air.

"Hope…Hope...Hope...I...Hope...Please Hope...hold me...please…" she forced in between what felt like unproductive breaths. He complied, holding her tightly in his arms as she curled into a ball beneath him. She stayed there, wishing to the heavens she could be like this till the day she died. She reached one arm down to his waist and felt for his erection. When she found it, she brushed her palm across the glans of his member and grasped his shaft.

"Wait Light," he said, "I'm okay, really. I'm more concerned for you. I'm here to help you Light, remember?" He said, pulling her hand away from him.

She faced him and met his soft eyes, taking an extra second to focus on him as the only light to guide her was the light from the hallway bleeding through the half open bedroom door. "Claire," she stated, "Remember? I wanted you to call me Claire."

"I'm here for you Claire. I'm here for you and only you," he replied, following his words with a kiss.

"I'm okay," she replied, "I'm okay if you need me to...help you too Hope. That is if you even want me…"

Hope quickly pulled himself forward and sat in her lap with his legs on either side of her waist and faced her. He looked away from her as she gazed at his pulsating, throbbing erection. She graced the tip with her finger smearing the bits of fluid that pearled and collected at the top. She wrapped her fingers around his shaft and started to stroke him awkwardly, lacking rhythm. He placed his hand on hers to correct her positioning and direct the pace. Within a few sudden and unprepared moments he clenched his teeth together and cried out, "Claire, wait! Don't do anymore!" His breathing quickened and his face became burning hot. Light didn't know what to expect and couldn't see much. The only confirming sensations she felt were the parts of her chest and face that felt wet and hot while her hands felt warm and completely soaked.

"Claire, I...I'm sorry." he began, "I was so...I'm not usually like that. I can last longer, really. It's just that...when it's you I just…"

She lunged toward him pressing her lips against his to interrupt him. "When it's me you what?" she whispered, "Hope, I'm just happy you could get like that because of me. I love it. Just tell me me how good you felt and nothing else. That's all I need to hear." Suddenly, she felt burning hot and dizzy. A more carnal, deep-seeded desire was building inside of her. Her emotional passion was being replaced by gradual and intense lust. Without thinking to clean her hand first she reached for herself and teased her opening.

"Light, wait! If you do that you might get preg…"

"Claire! It's Claire, Hope!"

"Okay Claire," he soothed, "Okay, Claire, let me do that, okay? Like I promised." With two fingers this time he entered her. Almost immediately she pulled his hand away.

"I want you Hope." she said.

"I know Claire, I'm trying to.."

"Hope, no. I want you Hope. I want YOU," she whispered into his ear. She laid on her back and pressed her hands against his chest. When he winced, she reached for the sheet under her body to wipe her hands free of the now cold fluid that clung to her skin but instead Hope reached out for her hands and placed them back against his chest.

"Claire, are you sure? If I do this, I don't think I can control myself."

Claire wrapped her legs around his waist in response and pulled him closer. He leaned into her and placed his lips against hers. He could feel her soiled hands and arms wrapping around him as well as her soiled face and breasts meeting his own. His heart began racing faster than it ever had before. Her own heart beating and breathing intensified. They both could feel each other, they could feel the moment before them. He directed his cock to her pulsing cunt and teased her labia with his swollen tip. He could feel her against his swelling and she could feel his swelling against her. He placed his cock onto her vestibule, centered it, and before committing to the no return he so desperately sought he met her gaze one more time.

"I love you Claire."

"I love you too Hope. I…"

She pushed him off of her fiercely. Within seconds he was ragdolling off the edge of the bed.

"Claire, what the hell!? What is wrong with…"

"Ssshhhh!" she hissed, "Listen!"

They were both silent. This time, he heard it too.

*Knock Knock*

"Hello? Anyone home?" came a familiar voice. Hope scrambled for his clothing while Claire fled back into the shower. She turned the water on and jumped in without waiting for the cold water to become more tolerable. Hope wrestled the sweatpants Light was wearing onto himself and found his shirt in the living room.

"Coming!" he reassured the unexpected visitor.

Once he managed to wrestle his shirt over his chest, Hope took a deep breath and reached for the door.


	8. Self-control

**8**

**Self-control**

"Light, I'm gonna open the door now," he called into the hallway.

"O-okay go ahead," she said through her chattering teeth and shivers.

Hope pulled on the door handle and carefully opened the door. The now open door revealed Serah with one of the biggest smiles the young man had ever seen and what appeared to be an inebriated Snow gripping a beer.

"Heya kiddo!" he practically screamed into the doorway, "Guess *hic* guess what!"

"Hey, quiet down out there!" came a voice from above them, "Other people live in this building too you know!"

"Hey bubby! *hic* Hey BUDDY!" Snow replied, "Don't make me come up there!"

"That's it pal, I'm coming dow…Oh hey, Snow."

"Oh hheeeyyy Mr. Olan, I'm...I'm...I'm sssoooo sorry. How you been?" he called up onto the balcony above him, "Sssshhhh everybody ssshhh, Serah you too *hic* Mr. Olan is trying to *hic*..."

Serah took over for Snow while trying to hold him up as he leaned into her shoulder, "Sorry Mr. Olan he's just excited is all. We'll keep it down I promise."

"Don't worry about it," Mr. Olan replied while pointing at the big drunk, "Good to see you guys I suppose. Little past his bedtime don't you think?"

"Yes Mr. Olan," she said. "We're going inside now, okay?"

"All right then. Heya Hope," he answered back.

Hope stepped a couple feet outside his door and looked up and waved before stepping back inside. He gestured them in and Serah and Snow stumbled inside.

As Snow managed his way in, he looked at Hope and said inches from his face, "You smell funny. You kinda smell like me and the lady when we're…"

"And you smell like booze dumbass," he interrupted while trying to force the redness away from his face.

"Seriously kid, Serah what does he smell like? C'mon smell him, I'm right aren't I?" Snow muttered.

"I'm not gonna smell…" she began before Snow pushed her into Hope. She took a confused moment before saying, "You kinda smell like Light." She glanced at his clothing and let her memory produce an image of her sister wearing something similar before. "You guys aren't sharing clothing still, are you?" She turned her head toward the hallway before calling out to the sound of running water, "Claire! Hope's not a kid anymore, leave his clothing on his body where it belongs already."

"Okay mom," Hope said jokingly. He felt more relieved in that moment than he ever had. _That was too close_ he thought.

Despite the now hot water, Light felt a shiver run up her spine. _"Oh, dear Goddess what did she mean by that? Does she know what we were doing? What does she think? She likes Hope, hell she loves him like family, but is she okay with this? I mean it's practically news to me too. Fine, it's what it is. I'm gonna go out there and face this. I don't regret any of it and she needs to know it._ Lightning took a deep breath and turned the water off before wrapping a towel around her body and another around her hair. She stepped out of the bathroom and into the living room as she was. "Serah, listen to me, please. I had a reason for what I did," she pleaded.

"No, you don't Light. How many times have I taken you shopping? You have plenty of your own clothes. Sharing clothes at your ages now? If you need more clothes just tell me I can help you pick out some stuff again, okay?"

 _Huh?..._ Light stood the head of the dining table they were sitting by and gazed at her sister with confusion. Finally, her confusion past and she said, "I'm gonna um...go get some clothes to wear from the room." She turned away and made her way to the back.

Hope turned his head toward Light's exiting figure and asked, "While you headed back can you get a case of soda's from the storeroom? Does anyone else want anything?"

Snow replied, "I'll have a beer if you have…"

"We're both fine Hope," Serah said cutting him off.

"Is that all?" Light called back.

"Just the soda," Hope replied.

"Okay then."

"Thank you, Claire." Hope said, "I mean Light! Yeah, thank you, Light!" Hope's skin colored face went to red then to stark white. _How could I be so careless?_ he thought to himself. _Only Serah calls her that and rarely in front of others. Did she even hear me? This is not good, Snow won't ever let this go. What is Serah thinking? She's definitely thinking, I can tell. But what? What is she thinking?!_ He turned his head away Serah and Snow and then to his feet. Serah and Snow were speechless and motionless. They stared at the white young man with gaping jaws for what felt like an eternity. No matter how much they studied him they couldn't understand what had happened. Hope was startled out of his trance from the slamming of a six pack of cola onto the table. He turned his head to the angry women standing beside him. He was scared. He had never been this scared.

"Hope, do you have a moment?" Light released her grip from the soda and turned to the kitchen. Hope clumsily followed after her. Snow and Serah stared at the two as Lightning whispered furiously at him. Hope whispered back timidly each time she finished but she would interrupt him each time. Eventually, he settled on nodding yes and no with no effort to verbal contribution. Light only ever paused to glance at the two staring at them before she resumed her barrage of angry whispers. Hope simply kept his head down or directed at Lightning. Serah and Snow reached for a cola each and opened them. As Lightning would glance back at them on occasion they would hurriedly avert their gaze into their drinks while taking a synchronized sip. Fear and caffeine seemed to have really sobered up Snow. Hope had gradually become braver and met her whispers with steady whispers of his own. Light's angry face eventually softened as she stared into his eyes. Whatever he was saying was changing her to the core. Eventually, Light and Hope appeared before them at the head of the table holding hands. Hope was blushing slightly but with a smile while Light grasped her arm with her free hand and looked away from the two. Her blushing was much more severe than his.

"Serah," Light said, "we have something we wanted to tell you guys."

"Claire! This is so great! I'm so happy for you two!" Serah cried out while leaping on her sister. She wrapped her arms around her and squeezed her tight. "Did you guys decide on a date?"

"Yeah!," Snow followed, "Hey, you know what would be pretty cool? You guys have yours where we did! It'd be like a family tradition!"

Hope and Light looked at each other with puzzled expressions.

"Snow, we're not getting married," Hope said. Lightening fervently nodded in agreement.

It was Serah and Snow's turn to exchange perplexed glances. "I don't understand." Serah stated, "If you guys aren't getting married then….oh holy….is it a...baby?"

"No!" Light exclaimed. She took a glance at a red faced Hope before running her hand unconsciously between her legs.

"I don't get it either," chimed Snow. "If it's not a wedding or a baby, then what's the big news?"

"We're dating!" Hope and Light declared together.

Again, Snow and Serah were silent and exchanging confused glances. Hope and Light watched them whisper back and forth trying to sort the confusion that rattled within their minds. "We kinda knew that Claire," Serah said.

"How?" Light asked, "We've only been dating for about an hour."

"Wait wait wait," Snow repeated, "You guys live together. Maybe not immediately but after you guys moved in together you were dating at some point, right?"

"Yeah, I mean sure it was difficult to accept at first but love is love, you know?" Serah continued, "Plus the way you two always look at each other, touch each other, everything. Like coming together as a couple to our wedding?"

"Or always sitting with each other, finishing each other's food on the holidays, sharing rooms during visits which took some getting used to but you knew your limits," Snow said, "Or at least we trusted the two of you to talk about them when you were alone. I know Serah here wasn't too keen on the image of it, but she came around. So did I. We all did, except Sazh. He never really bought any of it or maybe he didn't get it, I don't know."

"We never did anything like that when he was younger," Light said, "Why would you think that? And what do you mean by 'we all'?"

"Or like that time at the beach!" Serah expressed, completely ignoring her sister, "Remember? The whole gang went and you two were…"

"Don't even get me started on the beach right now," Hope interrupted.

"Don't get YOU started?" Light said, turning to him in annoyance.

"What?! You know what happened Lightning. You know what you did!"

"I did? I did?! How dare you! All you did was walk around flirting with every little beach whore you saw. Every time I saw you they were surrounding you, touching you, being sixteen doesn't mean you couldn't have shown ANY self-control."

"Me?!" Hope objected, "I didn't ask them to be there. And even if I did, I had to spend all my energy on you. You just paraded yourself around in that skimpy little bathing suit the whole damn time! The bottom piece rode up your ass leaving your cheeks hanging out and your breasts just couldn't stay IN the bathing suit could they? Ever single time I put a towel around you just took it right off! Practically every weirdo this side of the sun was staring at you!"

"Well maybe if you would just notice me for once I wouldn't have to try so hard! Do you have any idea how heartbreaking it was every time you went off with your little girly group or tried to cover me up? Was I that hard to look at?!"

"How the hell could I not notice you?! That bathing suit was just way too…"

"ENOUGH with the bathing suit! Etro alive, that's all you ever care about! If you're that obsessed with it then why don't YOU wear it?!"

"Well, maybe I wouldn't have to if you wore it around here every once in awhile! Show it to me one time and that's all I get?! And yeah, I liked it! I loved it! I had to sit down whenever you were around for the rest of the week! OH? Don't give me that look! I'm not any more disgusting than you! Parading your practically naked body up and down the sand like some piece of meat, how do you think I felt?! I don't want to share that with anyone else! What were you thinking?!"

"Why don't you get one of your beach tramps you're so fond of to wear it! And while you're at it, you can…"

"STOP IT!" Serah exclaimed, "Look at yourselves!" Light and Hope were entangled with Light pinning him against the wall with her body. They both had a handful of each other's clothes in their fists and were face to face inches apart.

"You guys are that kinda couple then," Snow said chuckling. Lightning released Hope and the two stepped away from each other out of embarrassment. Before any of them could speak again they heard a buzzing noise come from the kitchen counter. Light made her way to the source of the noise and picked up her phone. She looked at the screen and became immediately stoic. She ran into her room and began rummaging through anything she could hands on while chanting, "C'mon, where is it?" over and over. Finally, she emerged with a pre-prepared bag before running out the door. "Check your phone too, Hope!" she yelled as the door closed behind her.

Hope excused himself from his two guests and searched for his phone. He recalled the last time he had it was when Lightning had wrestled him for it and found it on the floor by the wall furthest from him. He unlocked it to discover a simple message. It was a high alert GC notification. He was to report to his Commanding Officer immediately. His CO was an okay guy but he didn't appreciate his message this late. This had better be important.

"Sorry guys I gotta go too." He went into his room to pull out his own pre-prepared backpack and made his way to the door. Before he let it close behind him he turned to the two at the table and said, "Stay here if you guys like but go ahead and lock up after me. I think this could take awhile." With those last words, he was out of sight.

Serah and Snow were left alone at the table to sit where they were dumbfounded at the ignorance of their two hosts.

"Came all this way and we still didn't get to tell them," Snow said disappointedly. He placed his hand on her abdomen as he reached out to embrace her.

Serah looked down at his hand covering her abdomen before smiling. "Don't worry," she said, "We will."

"So this whole time they were not dating?" he asked her, "When we talked earlier I thought for sure he was going home to ask her to marry him."

"To be honest, I'm a bit relieved," Serah said. "I had come to grips with the idea of those two being...intimate with each other years ago. It's not my place, they know what they want from each other, so I didn't say anything. But now, I feel like this is good. It's good for them, for everyone."

"Yeah but,"

"Snow, are you disappointed they weren't dating when he was still a kid?"

"No, no of course not. I mean, sure I always liked the idea of them dating all these years it's just confusing and now everyone is going to have to...reevaluate it."

Serah brought his hands down into her lap and grasped them before looking up into his face. "Did you do something?" she asked, "You did, didn't you! What did you say? Who did you say it to?"

"Okay okay! When Hope was at the house earlier we talked and then I thought he was gonna marry sis and then I may have told some people some stuff…" Snow trailed, desperately trying to avoid her eyes.

Serah stepped back from the table and placed her hands on her hips. She glared down at him before huffing, "What. Did. You. Say!?"


	9. Waiting in the Rain

**9**

**Waiting in the Rain**

Lightning and Hope were back on base. After running out of the house he scrambled to catch up to Lightning who was waiting at the transit stop. Fortunately for them, an express line ran from New Bodhum to the former Cavalry outpost that had been converted to a GC base outside of town. Because of the distance, the express line still took nearly an hour there and another back on a good day. The commute gave them both plenty of alone time and they often shared it talking and laughing together. There was no laughing or talking today.

Once they had reached the base on foot from the transit stop they went their separate ways. Lightning went with the other non-com officers to get their orders and Hope wandered towards a red-crossed airship where other corpsmen and medical specialists were loading in gear. Hope's immediate Sergeant approached him.

"Hey kid, sorry about the short notice. We're all getting the crap end of the stick on this one."

"No worries," Hope said, "What do you need from me, sir?"

"Take these," his sergeant said as he handed him his paper orders, "and go get your gear from supply and your weapon from the armory. We're wings out at 23:30. It's 23:00 right now so get your shit together quick and load up in this airship. Once we reach where we're going you'll be assigned a squad or platoon then."

Hope snapped to attention and said, "Understood sir." He turned away from the man and ran to the armory. He presented his orders to the armory headmaster and his identification. The armory head stood from his desk and approached the cage as he was escorted by two GC military police units. He returned to Hope with his Edged Carbine. Hope admired the weapon. Unlike Lightning's Blazefire Saber, Hope's Edged Carbine was more tailored to his magic prowess. Although not as adept as a magic healer as when he was a l'Cie, he appreciated the weapon's compliment to that nature. It took him many painstaking nights of practice to become competent enough with the weapon to test for military proficiency before the GC would let him use it. Lightning was the only other person he ever knew to wield a gun blade, so naturally he went to her for help. Help him she did.

"Here you go kid. Only two people on base reserve one of these kinds of things. It's always a pleasure to get to pull one of them out. Now I'm officially out of gun blades for now."

"Are you saying Light left already? Did she deploy out before the rest of us?" Hope asked.

"Huh?" the armorer questioned, "Oh, right the scary one, yeah?" Hope appeared a bit more annoyed than he should have. "She came in maybe ten or fifteen minutes ago. Had her gear with her too."

Hope ran out of the armory and headed toward supply. The supply officer took his paperwork and said, "Ok, Lance Corporal Estheim, I got a list of stuff for you let me go grab it. Gimme a couple."

"Corpsman is fine," Hope replied. He turned away from the man's desk and stood just outside the door to the supply building. He looked around and saw many other GC on their phones frantically trying to say goodbye to loved ones on such short notice. This was usually looked down upon, but at the moment, everyone made the exception. Hope reached into his pocket for his own phone when he felt the buzz against his thigh. He unlocked the phone to reveal an incoming face chat.

"Hope? Are you there?" Lightning asked him from within his screen.

"I'm here Light, did you leave already?" Hope asked.

"Not yet. My ship leaves in 5 minutes so around 23:15. The rest of the senior non-coms and a couple of officers are heading out early to assess the situation with the local forces already there."

"I see. Are you sure it's okay to call me then?"

"Hope, don't worry about it. Ah damn, I gotta go."

"Okay, I'll see you on the far side Light."

"Hope?"

"Yeah?"

Hope could see Light cover her body around her phone and he did the same as he tried to shield himself from potential prying ears and eyes. Her words were almost inaudible as she whispered, but the familiar sounds and movement of her lips made them unmistakably clear.

"I love you Hope."

Hope smiled from ear to ear. He stared at her and she stared back at him with a smile of her own.

"Estheim! Get your gear!" came a voice from within the small building to Hope's back.

"That's me," he said to his tiny screen, "I love you too Light. Please be safe." With those words, he shut down his phone and ran back inside. Command didn't expect them to be deployed long as his gear was mostly ammunition and a small combat pack outfitted for field medics and a half empty Alice pack and canteen. He threw his ammunition and canteen into the Alice pack and strapped the combat pack to his left hip and holstered his weapon to his right.

On the airship, Hope strapped himself into a seat as his Sergeant paced up and down the aisle inspecting their gear. As he strode, the older man explained what he understood about their rather unclear and sudden assignment.

"We're heading to Academia. The newly formed Academy was under some kind of attack. It is not understood yet who the enemy is. There is speculation that they are former PSICOM or they are related to the Taejin's Tower siege but there is no definitive answer. What is known is that they are armed and they are not afraid to use force. A lot of people have put their trust into the Academy and the Academy does good work. Innocent people have moved to Academia to build new lives. It's up to us to make sure that they have every opportunity to do so. Once we touch down you will be given assignment to a squad or platoon and will commit to supporting that group during combat if the need arises. Your squad or platoon leaders know your roles are support roles but you are soldiers first. You have your weapons; you have your training. If the need exists, you will use them."

"Hey, Hope right?" came a voice to Hope's left.

"Yeah."

"I'm pretty nervous. You nervous?"

"It's okay to be scared," Hope said.

"I ain't scared man, just nervous you know? Hey, how many uhh, combat drops you done?"

"I don't know, a couple with GC. Before that, it was all a blur I guess."

"Real talk man, real talk. I forgot you were one of them before all this huh."

"One of them?" Hope asked nearly infuriated. His life as a former l'Cie wasn't always an easy one. Many still saw Hope and his family as the menaces and aberrations the Sanctum had made them out to be."

"You know," the nervous boy teased as he bumped Hope's arm, "One of the 'Heroes'!"

Hope's expression softened and a sense of gratitude washed over him. He hadn't felt like this in a long time. "Thanks man."

"I'm Merral. It's nice to meet you."

"You too Merral."

Hope and Merral were interrupted by the jostling of their airship, a loud horn-like noise, and flashing lights. "Move it out!" came the sergeant's voice. Hope and Merral picked themselves up from their seats, gear and all, and made their way toward a rally point marked by amber lights and a line of Academia police vehicles flanking a few large makeshift tents. A strong, burly hand each grasped Hope and Merral's arms and turned them to face the man wielding them. "You two are with third platoon, by the larger of the tents over there," the sergeant said, "Get goin'."

The two approached the tent and stepped inside. They were greeted by a GC captain attended to by a warrant officer. Hope's heart skipped a beat when he saw who that warrant officer was. "Have a seat over there you two," the captain ordered. The two sat at a fold out table that was shoved against others like it to form a makeshift conference table.

The captain stood from his own seat once everyone had joined him and began, "I'm captain Zilla. As far as GC is concerned, I'm running the show. To my right is Lieutenant Atlas of the Academia Police. The two of us will be coordinating efforts to secure the situation."

"Thank you, captain," the lieutenant said, "Most of my men are pinned down or being held hostage within the Academy right now aside from a few officers on the outside, but those of them still fighting on the inside are in contact with myself and can still provide information and take orders. Since it is my department's specialty, the Academy that is, I have come up with a plan. Captain Zilla has offered his assistance. I have proposed that my remaining men and GC split into three platoons."

It was becoming obvious to those in attendance that this policeman shared some extensive military knowledge with the rest of them and wasn't afraid to overstep his bounds to use it in such a situation.

"First platoon will use available mobile unit airships to secure the airspace surrounding the Academy. The captain here has graciously allowed my use of his marksmen in conjunction with some of my men from Special Weapons Service of APD. Second platoon will comprise GC infantry and my uniformed officers to secure a perimeter around the Academy and the secure any remaining civilians they may come across. Lastly, third platoon will be composed of the best and most experienced in combat, tactics, and support from both the APD and GC." The lieutenant nodded at Hope as he said his those last words. "They will enter and secure the Academy, eliminate hostile targets before they can hurt any more of my men or civilians, and secure the VIP. Bartholomew Estheim, founder of the Academy, has been taken hostage by our unknown suspects. It is imperative for the sake of the Academy and this city that he is returned here unharmed. All units will prepare and move out on my go. Dismissed."

Lightning pushed her way toward the white faced Hope once the meeting was over. She hugged him despite eyes on her. "Are you okay Hope? I had no idea."

Merral looked at the two questioningly before coming to his own realization. "Shit man, for real you gonna be aiight? Him's your pops right?"

"Yeah I'll be okay you guys, thanks," Hope replied, snapping back to reality, "Let's do this. We have to." The GC captain walked over to the two embracing,

*AHEM* "Are you two finished?" he asked. Lightning pulled away from Hope before snapping to attention.

"Of course sir," she replied, "We have history, sir, before GC. His father is like a father to me too you could perhaps say." A smile returned to Hope's face as he heard those words. He started to wish he could reintroduce Light to his father, reintroduce her as Claire.

"I understand," the captain said. "Lightning, you are in charge of all GC in this tent. You will be leading third platoon and any APD assimilated to third platoon." He turned to Hope before finishing his final words, "Son, normally I wouldn't allow you this close to something like this, but you are the best corpsman we have. I can't afford to lose you in there. I need to trust that you will be cool headed and make the right calls. Can I do that?" Hope looked up at the man and nodded behind a crisp salute. "Good to hear," the captain said.

As the captain stepped away, Lightning turned to Hope and Merral and said, "You two are with me, fall in line outside the tent." Hope and Merral marched outside. The dark sky was now tainted with heavy rain that pierced through the bellowing of the sirens in the distance. As their platoon moved towards the direction of the Academy, Hope relieved his gun blade from its holster and held it in ready position against his chest with its blade collapsed in the same manner Merral had tucked his rifle against his own chest. The gates of the Academy were within spitting distance and the butterflies and intensity inside Hope grew. He looked to Lightning leading them and saw the same cool, collected, unchallenged and powerful expression gracing her beautiful, rain covered face that he had fallen in love with. She was strong, he knew that, and he knew he needed to be.

At last they had reached the gates. The platoon split in two on instinct and stacked up with backs against the wall on either side of the gates. Lightning was the first pair of boots on the left side. She tucked her collapsed gunblade into her shoulder with one arm and raised a clenched fist into the air with the other signaling a hold and full stop by all of her men. GC and APD alike pressed themselves against the walls of the gates and looked at her ready for her signal. Light cocked her ear into her shoulder to push her earpiece as far in as she could to ensure she heard the signal when it was called. No words spoken, all radios silent, only the sound of the rain beating against the steel of their weapons and the concrete below their feet was heard. Hope stared intently at Light. Merral stared intently at him. All three of them were waiting. It was an agonizing wait.


	10. Referral

**Vianna Orchidia - Thanks for reading! I'm glad you liked the combat/fighting scenes. I tried using a descriptive approach instead of event-based approach for the first time and I'm glad you thought it went well.**

**davidkline177 - You're** _**grate** _ **yourself, mate.**

**Please read my note to readers at the end of this chapter. Thx :)**

**11**

**Referral**

Lightning hesitated as she approached the door. She felt guilty being here but understood it was necessary. She hated the idea of fussing over her own injuries while Hope was…struggling. She pushed the door open and saw an all too familiar site. To her left was a waiting room scattered with magazines and other not-so-well-to-doers. To her immediate right was a desk occupied by a younger looking girl in a gaudy colored set of scrubs. Lightning turned toward the desk to approach her.

"Hi," the girl's voice rang upon noticing her. "Are you checking in?"

"I am," Lightning replied. "Farron for a nine AM."

"Okay miss Farron," the girl said as she produced a clipboard and a variety of forms. "Please read through these and sign them. After, please fill out your personal medical history form, any known conditions, medications, employer, emergency contacts, and so on. I know you had signed similar ones at labs earlier but Dr. Trahn needs his own."

"Okay, no problem. Thank you." Lightning took the clipboard and a pen from a mug on the desk and found a seat alone in the corner. The first form was a consent to treatment and to be seen today. Second was a Personal History and Information form. The third was the understood risks of treatment and the fourth was financial obligation. Light scratched her name onto the first and moved on. Personal history was next.

Please answer questions to the best of your ability.

NAME: Claire Farron

AGE: 25

SEX: F

HEIGHT: ~170cm

WEIGHT: ~50-55kg

MARITAL STATUS: Single

OCCUPATION: Soldier

_Who can we contact in case of emergency? Contact number and relationship preferred._

Serah Farron 564-967-00 Sister

Hope Estheim 754-326-80

Lightning stopped. What was he to her? She struggled with the question for several minutes before deciding to leave it blank. The pain in her abdomen was flaring up again, prompting her to move on.

_Are you in good health?_

I'm alive.

_Any general changes in your health in the past year?_

I've taken some hits.

_Have you fallen ill recently or fainted/felt severely light-headed in the past?_

Yes.

_If so, when?_

Recently

_Are you sexually active?_

Lightning, again, felt trapped by the question before her. Upon careful consideration, she settled on the only answer she could.

Yes.

_What is your primary reason for today's visit?_

Pain in my abdomen and sides since my last deployment.

_Any medications (over-the-counter, prescription, or self-use) that you are taking?_

No.

_Any known conditions a Physician, Nurse Practitioner (or Physician Assistant under a Physician's guidance in some regions) has diagnosed you with?_

No.

_Were you ever pregnant?_

No.

_Do you plan on becoming pregnant?_

Yes.

Lightning felt no hesitation upon seeing that last question. For years, she looked at her sister's family, and despite her own cold nature at the time, she had always carried the idea of a family of her own. She felt the happiest at times with Serah, Snow, and Nellie and she knew that, but lately her happiest moments were with Hope. Even shortly after he had moved in with her she would imagine the young man at her side, as he always was, but in a manner he was not aware. The images themselves in her mind were always occupied by one person, despite his age at the time she thought of them. Light cursed herself for thinking the things she did years ago, but as they both became older, the resentment of those feelings slowly evolved into endearment. She was, however, stunned at the subconscious and eager manner she readily answered the question. She shrugged these new feelings away upon the sense of relief she felt now that her questions were over. She signed the remaining forms and returned to the receptionist's desk.

"Thank you, miss Farron. Someone will be out for you shortly."

Lightning returned to her seat. As she sat back down she could feel the pain again with each movement. She eased herself into the chair and resided herself behind the pages of a magazine.

After several minutes past, Lightning heard a voice at the far end of the room. "Claire?"

Lightning stood and approached the young man holding open the door. He motioned her into the doorway as she came closer.

"Hello, Claire. Come on in and I'll show you to your room."

"Call me Lightning," she said as she passed him.

Lightning was led into an examination room. The young man produced a stethoscope and a cuff to take some readings. He noted them and then traced her forehead with a small device before looking back onto his sheet to make another notation.

"I see you're here for your a post-deployment check up, pretty standard. It also says here you are having abdominal pain. Did you go to the labs center downstairs to get blood samples and x-rays and such done before you came?"

"Yes. I received the directions from Dr. Trahn on the phone when I made the appointment last week. We are all set."

"Excellent, then he should be able to go over them with you when he comes in. I'll go let him know you're ready."

"Thank you."

The man exited the room. As the doors came to a close, Lightning let out a large breath she was unaware she was holding in. She felt ridiculous. The pain she felt was concerning, sure, but in her concern, she felt guilty as though she was betraying physical time and energy worrying about herself and not him. This thinking simply made her worry about him more. He had yet to leave his room. The nurses had told her he was awake at times but despite her numerous visits she hadn't seen him awake yet. She hadn't spoken to him for a long while either. Being away from him for so long was becoming painful.

The door creaked open and a man of similar height to her own peaked his head inside. "Hi, miss Farron, I'm Dr. Trahn. How are you?"

"I've been better," she said.

"I believe it. Fortunately, your tests, for the most part, came back within normal parameters. Every vital function is good and you are without any neck or spinal cord injuries that I can see. You seem to be very ambulatory and performing well on your own."

"For the most part?" she asked, anxiety settling in.

"Yes. For the most part. As for your abdominal pain, I had you get some imaging and ultrasound done at labs earlier which helped put a few pieces together." Dr. Trahn removed his glasses and took the chair closest to the examination table. "Miss Farron, I can't say anything definitively but that being said, there's no easy way to say this. Especially given your healthy young age."

"Just say it, please."

Dr. Trahn pinched the bridge of his nose and took in a long, audible breath before continuing. "Miss Farron, the exam results showed some slight abnormal vascularity to your uterus and surrounding connective tissue. Based on some of the imaging and your recent history regarding the grenade blast you mentioned, there may be a possibility that you have had some damage done to the endometrium. The endometrium is the innermost layer of the walls of your uterus. Fortunately, the presence of pain and no noticeable bleeding provides that what scar tissue that has formed has formed well. Unfortunately, depending on how close the scar tissue may be to the fallopian tubes and ovulatory openings, it can prevent the implantation stage of a fertilized ovum from penetrating the uterine walls and disallow the formation of fetal support structures.

Light stared at him dumbfounded. The words she understood, but she found herself unable to accept them. "So, I'm…." she led.

"It will probably be very difficult for you to maintain a healthy pregnancy if you ever do choose to do so. It could be mild and relatively controllable, but that tends to be a fairly rare case." Dr. Trahn was brutally honest. He placed his hand on her shoulder before continuing, "I am truly sorry, Miss Farron. Do you...need a moment?"

She shook her head while staring blindly onto the floor.

"Please take this form with you to the front desk to check out. If you ever need anything else, please don't hesitate to give our office a call. I am giving you a referral to a specialist if you want to follow up with him. If you ever choose to try to have children, I highly recommend visiting his office. Their practice is one of the best there is when it comes to something like this." With those words, he was gone as quick as he had come.

Lightning picked herself up off the table and set her feet onto the floor. She opened the door and fumbled her way towards the front desk in a daze. She presented her check out form and was allowed out the door. Lightning exited the office and into the parking lot outside, still in her daze. Serah and Snow were waiting for by their runner and waved her down.

"Claire!" Serah called out to her with a smile. "Over here! How'd everything go?"

Light hesitated for the briefest of moments before replying, "Doc says I'm good. It's time to go home." Lightning clutched her referral slip into her fist and jammed it into her coat pocket.

"Awesome sis! Sounds like a plan. Little Nellie can't wait to see you too." Snow said.

"Yeah…" Serah said hesitation of her own. "As long you're okay...I guess." Serah's elated face upon seeing her sister had morphed into sincere worry. She knew when her sister was trying to hide something. She knew this better than anyone.

They all piled into drive back to Serah and Snow's in silence. Light kept her head resting against the door while using her coat to cover her head and face to feign sleep. The turmoil inside her grew with each passing minute forcing her to finally submit to the inevitable tears that burned hot down her tender red cheeks.

 


	11. Referral

**Vianna Orchidia - Thanks for reading! I'm glad you liked the combat/fighting scenes. I tried using a descriptive approach instead of event-based approach for the first time and I'm glad you thought it went well.**

**davidkline177 - You're** _**grate** _ **yourself, mate.**

**Please read my note to readers at the end of this chapter. Thx :)**

**11**

**Referral**

Lightning hesitated as she approached the door. She felt guilty being here but understood it was necessary. She hated the idea of fussing over her own injuries while Hope was…struggling. She pushed the door open and saw an all too familiar site. To her left was a waiting room scattered with magazines and other not-so-well-to-doers. To her immediate right was a desk occupied by a younger looking girl in a gaudy colored set of scrubs. Lightning turned toward the desk to approach her.

"Hi," the girl's voice rang upon noticing her. "Are you checking in?"

"I am," Lightning replied. "Farron for a nine AM."

"Okay miss Farron," the girl said as she produced a clipboard and a variety of forms. "Please read through these and sign them. After, please fill out your personal medical history form, any known conditions, medications, employer, emergency contacts, and so on. I know you had signed similar ones at labs earlier but Dr. Trahn needs his own."

"Okay, no problem. Thank you." Lightning took the clipboard and a pen from a mug on the desk and found a seat alone in the corner. The first form was a consent to treatment and to be seen today. Second was a Personal History and Information form. The third was the understood risks of treatment and the fourth was financial obligation. Light scratched her name onto the first and moved on. Personal history was next.

Please answer questions to the best of your ability.

NAME: Claire Farron

AGE: 25

SEX: F

HEIGHT: ~170cm

WEIGHT: ~50-55kg

MARITAL STATUS: Single

OCCUPATION: Soldier

_Who can we contact in case of emergency? Contact number and relationship preferred._

Serah Farron 564-967-00 Sister

Hope Estheim 754-326-80

Lightning stopped. What was he to her? She struggled with the question for several minutes before deciding to leave it blank. The pain in her abdomen was flaring up again, prompting her to move on.

_Are you in good health?_

I'm alive.

_Any general changes in your health in the past year?_

I've taken some hits.

_Have you fallen ill recently or fainted/felt severely light-headed in the past?_

Yes.

_If so, when?_

Recently

_Are you sexually active?_

Lightning, again, felt trapped by the question before her. Upon careful consideration, she settled on the only answer she could.

Yes.

_What is your primary reason for today's visit?_

Pain in my abdomen and sides since my last deployment.

_Any medications (over-the-counter, prescription, or self-use) that you are taking?_

No.

_Any known conditions a Physician, Nurse Practitioner (or Physician Assistant under a Physician's guidance in some regions) has diagnosed you with?_

No.

_Were you ever pregnant?_

No.

_Do you plan on becoming pregnant?_

Yes.

Lightning felt no hesitation upon seeing that last question. For years, she looked at her sister's family, and despite her own cold nature at the time, she had always carried the idea of a family of her own. She felt the happiest at times with Serah, Snow, and Nellie and she knew that, but lately her happiest moments were with Hope. Even shortly after he had moved in with her she would imagine the young man at her side, as he always was, but in a manner he was not aware. The images themselves in her mind were always occupied by one person, despite his age at the time she thought of them. Light cursed herself for thinking the things she did years ago, but as they both became older, the resentment of those feelings slowly evolved into endearment. She was, however, stunned at the subconscious and eager manner she readily answered the question. She shrugged these new feelings away upon the sense of relief she felt now that her questions were over. She signed the remaining forms and returned to the receptionist's desk.

"Thank you, miss Farron. Someone will be out for you shortly."

Lightning returned to her seat. As she sat back down she could feel the pain again with each movement. She eased herself into the chair and resided herself behind the pages of a magazine.

After several minutes past, Lightning heard a voice at the far end of the room. "Claire?"

Lightning stood and approached the young man holding open the door. He motioned her into the doorway as she came closer.

"Hello, Claire. Come on in and I'll show you to your room."

"Call me Lightning," she said as she passed him.

Lightning was led into an examination room. The young man produced a stethoscope and a cuff to take some readings. He noted them and then traced her forehead with a small device before looking back onto his sheet to make another notation.

"I see you're here for your a post-deployment check up, pretty standard. It also says here you are having abdominal pain. Did you go to the labs center downstairs to get blood samples and x-rays and such done before you came?"

"Yes. I received the directions from Dr. Trahn on the phone when I made the appointment last week. We are all set."

"Excellent, then he should be able to go over them with you when he comes in. I'll go let him know you're ready."

"Thank you."

The man exited the room. As the doors came to a close, Lightning let out a large breath she was unaware she was holding in. She felt ridiculous. The pain she felt was concerning, sure, but in her concern, she felt guilty as though she was betraying physical time and energy worrying about herself and not him. This thinking simply made her worry about him more. He had yet to leave his room. The nurses had told her he was awake at times but despite her numerous visits she hadn't seen him awake yet. She hadn't spoken to him for a long while either. Being away from him for so long was becoming painful.

The door creaked open and a man of similar height to her own peaked his head inside. "Hi, miss Farron, I'm Dr. Trahn. How are you?"

"I've been better," she said.

"I believe it. Fortunately, your tests, for the most part, came back within normal parameters. Every vital function is good and you are without any neck or spinal cord injuries that I can see. You seem to be very ambulatory and performing well on your own."

"For the most part?" she asked, anxiety settling in.

"Yes. For the most part. As for your abdominal pain, I had you get some imaging and ultrasound done at labs earlier which helped put a few pieces together." Dr. Trahn removed his glasses and took the chair closest to the examination table. "Miss Farron, I can't say anything definitively but that being said, there's no easy way to say this. Especially given your healthy young age."

"Just say it, please."

Dr. Trahn pinched the bridge of his nose and took in a long, audible breath before continuing. "Miss Farron, the exam results showed some slight abnormal vascularity to your uterus and surrounding connective tissue. Based on some of the imaging and your recent history regarding the grenade blast you mentioned, there may be a possibility that you have had some damage done to the endometrium. The endometrium is the innermost layer of the walls of your uterus. Fortunately, the presence of pain and no noticeable bleeding provides that what scar tissue that has formed has formed well. Unfortunately, depending on how close the scar tissue may be to the fallopian tubes and ovulatory openings, it can prevent the implantation stage of a fertilized ovum from penetrating the uterine walls and disallow the formation of fetal support structures.

Light stared at him dumbfounded. The words she understood, but she found herself unable to accept them. "So, I'm…." she led.

"It will probably be very difficult for you to maintain a healthy pregnancy if you ever do choose to do so. It could be mild and relatively controllable, but that tends to be a fairly rare case." Dr. Trahn was brutally honest. He placed his hand on her shoulder before continuing, "I am truly sorry, Miss Farron. Do you...need a moment?"

She shook her head while staring blindly onto the floor.

"Please take this form with you to the front desk to check out. If you ever need anything else, please don't hesitate to give our office a call. I am giving you a referral to a specialist if you want to follow up with him. If you ever choose to try to have children, I highly recommend visiting his office. Their practice is one of the best there is when it comes to something like this." With those words, he was gone as quick as he had come.

Lightning picked herself up off the table and set her feet onto the floor. She opened the door and fumbled her way towards the front desk in a daze. She presented her check out form and was allowed out the door. Lightning exited the office and into the parking lot outside, still in her daze. Serah and Snow were waiting for by their runner and waved her down.

"Claire!" Serah called out to her with a smile. "Over here! How'd everything go?"

Light hesitated for the briefest of moments before replying, "Doc says I'm good. It's time to go home." Lightning clutched her referral slip into her fist and jammed it into her coat pocket.

"Awesome sis! Sounds like a plan. Little Nellie can't wait to see you too." Snow said.

"Yeah…" Serah said hesitation of her own. "As long you're okay...I guess." Serah's elated face upon seeing her sister had morphed into sincere worry. She knew when her sister was trying to hide something. She knew this better than anyone.

They all piled into drive back to Serah and Snow's in silence. Light kept her head resting against the door while using her coat to cover her head and face to feign sleep. The turmoil inside her grew with each passing minute forcing her to finally submit to the inevitable tears that burned hot down her tender red cheeks.

 


	12. Like We Always Do

**12**

**Like We Always Do**

"Hey. Hey, Hope," came a distant voice.

"Hey, wake up kid," came the voice again. It didn't feel as distant as it had before.

Hope laboriously opened his heavy eyes. He felt his consciousness return as he took in a large audible breath. Upon doing so he immediately felt a sharp pain in his right shoulder. He grimaced in pain and rolled onto his left side to ease the pressure against his wound.

"Easy son. Take it easy," the man's voice came. A hazy figure from across the room stood from his seat and approached him. The image of the man became clearer with each step.

"Dad?" Hope's feeble voice asked.

"I'm here son. Just take it easy," his father replied. Bartholomew put a hand on the back of his son's neck to bring him forward just enough to shift the pillow that had fallen from behind his son back to behind his head.

"I don't feel well, dad," Hope said.

"Do you know where you are?" his father asked.

Hope took a moment to force a painful cough from his chest before giving a response, "Mobile Support Hospital just outside of...no. Wait, wait, wait."

"Remember, son. We talked about this," his father eased.

Hope squinted his eyes shut and took several slow deep breaths. Finally, he opened his eyes to look at his father again. This time, he could see him clearly now that the haze of transition between unconscious and conscious had passed.

"Academia. I'm in the University Hospital of the Academy."

"Good," his father said. He let out a sigh as he patted his son's leg.

"Where's Lightning?" Hope asked. "Is she okay?"

"She's fine, son. She's out taking care of herself right now."

"Why isn't she here with me?" Hope asked out of frustration. "I thought she'd be here."

"She was, son. She was here before the anyone else. She had to leave. She was having pain and went to see a doctor here. We talked about this too, remember?"

Hope took a moment to think before replying, "Yeah, I remember. I've been here a while. Well? Is she okay?"

"Check your phone. It's on the table to your left."

Hope reached for his phone with his left hand and brought it into view. He turned it on and waited for it to boot on. When it finally did, he saw a plethora of messages, missed calls and voicemails. Some of them were from Serah and Snow, one from Vanille and Fang and a couple from Dajh and Sazh, but nearly all of them were from Lightning.

"I didn't know she could ever get like that," Bartholomew said.

Hope gave him an inquisitive look.

"Emotional," his father clarified. "I had to turn the thing off. Bloody thing wouldn't stop ringing and beeping. Some of her messages were… I never thought to hear those kinds of words from her of all people."

"You listened to them?" Hope asked.

"When I was around, I answered the phone when she called. She would ask me to take a message to give to you when you wake up."

"I see," Hope said. He placed his phone back on the table and redirected his focus to his father. "What did she tell you to tell me?"

Bartholomew awkwardly cleared his throat and loosened his tie. He took a seat by the chair to Hope's right and began, "She misses you, that's a given. She said she worries about you constantly and wishes she was with you, and that if she wasn't here when you woke up that she is sorry she couldn't be here. She...uh… She said that um… Well, Hope, she said that she loves you and can't wait to go back home with you. She wants to…"

"She wants to wait?" Hope asked.

"She wants to curl up with you on the couch and something about not letting you go and so on. Look, you get the idea." Bartholomew stood from his seat and began pacing about the room.

"She can be forward when she wants to be," Hope said as he chuckled.

"Yes, I see that." Bartholomew turned back to the seat and sat down again. "Hope, can we talk about her?"

"Yeah, dad. Sure." Hope said.

"Son, you and Lightning are close. I understand that. You two spent a lot of time together and no experience in the world could compare to what you two have been through. But, and I've never told you this, I know it's not really my business and I always stayed out of it, but since the day you two decided to move in together I always worried about the two of you. I don't know when this all started but I need to know…"

"Yeah dad, I'll tell you anything you want to know," Hope said.

"Were you sleeping together?"

"Goddess alive, dad! What is wrong with you? I was a kid!"

"Is that what was stopping you two?"

"No dad! I mean yes. I mean...I...Light and I...we didn't have sex, okay? I know I was just a little kid at the time but..."

"Not that little, Hope."

"And she wasn't, Dad."

"I don't see it that way. You were both kids. You both still are. I know, I know 'this that and the other thing'. You two became close before all of this and you can't control that, I get it, but dating practically in secret and the whole..."

"We didn't date. Yet. I mean, we are dating, just not dating back before we shouldn't have been dating but we were still together. Sorta," Hope stumbled.

"In the same home, alone, with your thoughts and feelings and…"

"Dad! She's not like that. She has discipline and self-control."

"I wasn't worried about _her_ self-control, son."

"Well she probably didn't think of me like that when I was…." Hope trailed as he questioned the accuracy of his statement.

Bartholomew understood his son's loss for words. "That's what I thought," he said, "And don't tell me you didn't think about her either. We both know that's not true."

"This isn't how I wanted to tell you," Hope said.

"Is there anything else you wanted to tell me, son? Like, perhaps what could have possibly compelled you to let her go onto deployment with you when she was...you know."

"Huh?" Hope gave a more confused than inquisitive look this time.

"Now, I'm certainly not as enthusiastic about the idea as Snow was when he told me, but what would have happened if she got hurt? If they both did?" Bartholomew was leaning over towards Hope's bed and had clutched the railing questioned his son.

"What the hell are you talking about? Both? Lightning and...Serah?" Hope asked, struggling to find the name his father was referring to.

"The baby, damn it! The bloody baby! Snow told me already!" His father exclaimed.

"What baby!? We haven't _actually_ had sex yet! Damn it, dad, I haven't even been eighteen that long either!"

"What do you mean, _actually_?" His father questioned.

"Dad, just forget it, okay? I don't know what Snow told you but it wasn't true."

"So," his father clarified, "She is _not_ , I repeat, she is _not_ pregnant?"

"No dad. At least not yet anyway," Hope replied.

"Yet?"

"Well, dad, if you must know, not YET. I would like, for when the moment comes, for it to be a decision we both decide on and we both move forward with. I haven't even talked to her yet about kids." Hope persisted, "What did Snow tell you, anyway?"

"He called me a couple nights ago asking if I was excited as he was about his soon-to-be niece or nephew. He was pretty excited about the idea his 'best man was helping him make his big happy family even bigger and happier'."

Hope started laughing until realized the pain it was bringing. He cleared his chest as he rolled away from his bad shoulder. "Don't tell Lightning that. She'll shit a chocobo if she hears it."

Bartholomew started laughing too. "Oh, I believe it," he said.

Once they had both calmed down, they each released a collective sigh and settled further back into their respective seats.

"Son, you know I just want to be happy, right?" Bartholomew said as he placed his hand on his son's arm. "With everything that's happened to you, I just want you to be happy. However, I'm still your father, and I do want what's best for you too. I don't claim to know exactly what that may be in each and every single moment, but I'm still going to try each and every time."

"I know, dad. I know," Hope replied with his head down, staring into his hands.

"She makes you happy, right?"

"Each and every moment she's with me, dad."

Bartholomew rose from his chair and began pacing again. "I remember when you came home with her the first time. You told me about your mother, it was a terrible day. I can't imagine what that could have been like for you. In my own grief, I think I did very little to help. However, she was there for you. I could feel it. Hope, if there's anyone you'd...well...I'm grateful it's her. I do trust her. I trust you too, son. I understood very little about your decision to join the GC, but now I think I understand a little bit more."

Hope lifted his head from his hands and looked at his father who had stopped pacing to face him at the end of his bed. His father stood tall, stoically, and donned a serious expression.

"You really mean that, don't you," Hope practically whispered as he forced back his tears and tried to swallow.

"I do," his father replied.

Hope succumbed to the tears welling within him and cleared his throat to attempt at swallowing again. He diverted his gaze back down to his hands and let his tears drip onto them and into the linen.

"Thank you, dad."

Bartholomew put his hands behind his back and cleared his throat. Hope saw his seriousness and mood suddenly change and followed suit as he straightened his own shoulders and met his father's eyes.

"We need to talk, son. We need to discuss the real reason why I'm here. We need to talk about PSICOM, and we need to talk about what happened in the Academy. This doesn't leave this room, at least for now, understand?"

Hope nodded in understanding.

* * *

After they had returned to Serah and Snow's home, Snow went into Nellie's room to check on her. She was still napping so he decided to leave her be. Serah had asked Snow to stay with Nellie so she could speak to Lightning in private. As Snow returned to the living room where Lightning and Serah were, Serah glared at him. Immediately, he remembered their discussion.

"Um...I'm going to make sure Nellie is okay," he said. With that, he was out of sight once more.

Once he was gone, Serah took the initiative. "What happened, Claire?"

"Nothing," Lightning replied, "I'm fine, really." As she said so, her hand instinctively went for her coat pocket again.

"Then what's that you have in your fist hidden in your coat pocket?" Serah asked.

Lightning gasped under her breath. She didn't realize she was so telling in the way she behaved. Her sister knew her too well. She relieved her fist from her pocket and shakily held it over her sister's outstretched hand before releasing the well-worn piece of crumpled paper. Lightning did all she could to avoid eye contact as Serah took the paper and held it up to her eyes in front of the light. She could feel the burning tears welling in her eyes again.

_Referral Order: Dr. Trahn, DO, General Medicine-BC_

_Referral for specialist evaluation/treatment. ATTN: Goddess Family Planning and Obstetric Medicine. Please see attached notation. Preferred location: patient's choice. See New Bodhum and Academia practice office locations and hours on the back of the slip._

_Clinical reason for referral: Possible RIF (recurrent implantation failure) in foreseeable future. BFT during deployment potential cause. Possibility for successful pregnancy may be hindered. No known history of RIF, may be general (GIF). Contact office for imaging and case notations. Upon request, provided a signed release form from patient (from your office preferred), New Bodhum Labs imaging may be requested._

_-Dr. Trahn_

Serah finished reading the slip of paper and looked back up at her sister. Lightning buried her face in her hands and was crying through her fingers as she shook. She made every effort to keep from making any noise to not disturb Snow or Nellie.

"Claire, I'm so…" Serah stopped herself short upon the emergence of her own tears. She tried to swallow before speaking again but couldn't bring herself to do so. She looked at her sister who simply nodded while holding her arms out to her. Serah did the same and they held each other as they whimpered softly into each other's shoulder.

"Thank you, Serah," Lightning said through her tears.

"We'll figure this out," Serah said, "I know you want this more than anything, I really do. I remember what you told me."

"It's always something," Lightning cried, "One more reason for him to love me that much less, one more way I'm broken."

Serah pulled herself away from her sister and grasped her shoulders. "Don't you say those things! He absolutely will not. He loves you, Claire. Don't worry, we'll figure this out. We're gonna go see that doctor, okay?"

"How do I tell him?" Lightning asked behind her puffy red eyes.

"There's an office in Academia, right? We'll go see Hope tomorrow and I'll be there with you. I'll be there to help you tell him and then we'll all go to the specialist together. We'll win this one. We'll beat this like we always do. Right?"

Lightning nodded her head and she wiped her face with her sleeve. She looked at her sister's eyes and said, "Yeah, yeah we will."

Serah held her sister once more. Her breathing was calmer and she had stopped shaking. "Are you staying here tonight, Claire?"

"Yeah," she replied.

"Okay," here sister said. She picked herself up to leave and returned with a blanket and pillow. Lightning took them and laid back onto the couch. Serah tucked her in as Lightning eased herself onto her side. She was so tired. She felt consciousness slip away the moment her head hit the pillow. She didn't want to sleep. She didn't want to know what hell her dreams had for her tonight.

Tomorrow was going to be a long day.


	13. Not Just a Dream

**Vianna Orchidia: Thank you again for your invaluable feedback. I hope you don't hate me for this next one...**

**Please review this chapter. After this chapter, there's no out of this one anymore. I'd love to know what you all think!**

**13**

**Not Just a Dream**

Lightning awoke from her bed violently, sprawling onto the floor as she did. An unfamiliar noise had woken her this time. She reached for her alarm clock radio and smashed the snooze button repeatedly. After several moments passed, she came to the realization that it wasn't the clock radio that disturbed her. Her tired eyes came into focus on the digital readout.

_04:06_

_Way too early to be my alarm_ Lightning thought.

Lightning picked herself up from the floor and shuffled her way to the other side of the bed, banging her shin on the corner of the bed frame. It hurt. It really hurt. She found herself back on the floor with a few choice words making their way past her lips as she clutched at her leg. From the floor, she could see a light come on from the crack under her bedroom door. Lightning picked herself up one more time and grabbed her cell. As she frantically unlocked it to check her voicemail, her door creaked open to reveal a silver haired teenager.

"I'm sorry I woke you," she said.

"Are you okay?" Hope asked, "What was the noise?"

"Go back to sleep," she said as she massaged her leg.

"But Light, what about…"

"Just go back to bed!" Light's words were much harsher than she wanted them to be, and she could hear as such as she said them.

Hope turned away from her without saying a word and began making his way back to his room. His head was crestfallen against his chest and his shoulders slouched toward the floor. He shuffled back to his room and slowly, gingerly closed the door.

"Wait, Hope!" Lightning called out to him as he left. "I'm sorry. I hit my leg, and I took my frustration out on you. I got a call you see and…" It was no use. His door was closed, and so was his willingness to listen. He had been here before. She would get called into work on an emergency, he would show some concern, and she would throw it right back in his face. She was so fucking tired of the late nights getting home and ungodly early mornings going back. It was taking a terrible toll on her, sure, but it wasn't an easy life for him either. He needed her.

Light hit redial and put the phone up to her ears. After only one ring, the other end of the line was answered. "Sergeant Major Farron?" the voice asked.

"Speaking," she replied.

"Sorry to disturb you, sir. I'm afraid it was unavoidable."

"Just say your piece. You're not disturbing me corporal. I understand you have a job to do." Lightning was still getting used to having an attendant. He was getting used to it as well.

"Uh...yes sir. Well…" the corporal said, clearing his throat. "New intel has got command up in a spook about the Mah'habara mining region in Pulsian Sector 36. The miners and residents are under more strained circumstances than originally presumed."

"PS36 was cleared for reconstructive activity by the Cavalry months ago. What could have changed so quickly? They are still doing their monster patrols I would imagine."

"Yes sir, but the word is the problem is more...internal. I don't know much and they won't tell me, but they will tell you. Command wants you back here immediately."

"Understood, corporal. Thank you." With those words, Lightning jammed the lock button on her phone to punch it off. She approached her closet to retrieve her emergency bag just for this kind of occasion. As she made her way, bag in hand, down the hall, she paused just outside Hope's room. She raised her hand to knock but stopped herself. She considered using her voice to be a better alternative.

"Hope, Hope I'm sorry. I'm coming in, okay?" Lightning said as she pulled gently on the door handle and pushed it open. Hope was sitting upright on his mattress with his back against the wall. Aside from a stack of books and a mattress and sleeping bag, his room was sparse with very few belongings. He tucked his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them when he saw her.

"You're leaving."

"Yeah…" Light said. She could feel her chest tighten.

"You came home around quarter past midnight, and you're leaving again," Hope said.

"'I'm sorry," was all she could reply. After a long pause, Hope spoke again.

"I don't care that I only see you for minutes a day, that any time we have is time spent sleeping or eating. I don't care that you don't see me anymore. I don't care about any of that anymore."

"Hope, I'm not trying to do this. Please understand…I just…"

"Light," Hope interrupted, "I don't care about any of those things. I just care that after the brief minutes each day we have together, that there will be more of them. I'm so tired of worrying myself sick each time you leave. I'm so tired of waiting for bad news when you don't come home." Hope's eyes were becoming red and glistened against the light of the hallway as he clenched his fists.

"I'm so sorry, Hope," Lightning replied, "I didn't know…"

"I said I'd protect you, Light. I have yet to do that. I'm so pathetic. I don't deserve you, or to live with you. I don't deserve any of this."

Lightning approached his mattress and knelt down beside him. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close. When she had done so, his inhibition crumbled as sobbing and tearing overtook him.

"I told you before, Hope. If you want to protect me, be here when I come home. I want you here with me more than anything. I need you, Hope. Let me need you, that's all I ask."

Hope buried his face into her shoulder, muffling his words as he said, "Please don't go tonight."

Light pulled away from his, caressed his face and stroked his hair. "I have to go. Wait for me. Can you do that?"

Hope reluctantly nodded his head and laid back down on his mattress. He had been living here for nearly a year, but he was so distressed that he did very little to bother making his living space more accommodating.

"You're the most precious thing in the world to me. No matter what's out there, I won't let anything tear me away from you," she reassured him.

As Lightning exited the room, Hope said from within his sleeping bag, "I love you, Lightning. Make sure to come home."

Lightning shut the door behind her. She inhaled sharply before holding her breath to choke down her own tears. She pushed her back against the door and collapsed onto her legs. She could hear him weeping from under his sleeping bag. She could hear him fighting it, suppressing the sounds of his sorrows into his pillow. Lightning's own tears trickled down her cheeks as she furiously grabbed at her hair, pulling in anger and frustration. She covered her mouth to prevent any audible indication of her own crying and cursed herself under her breath.

 _You're a terrible guardian,_ she thought, _You are never there, you never show you care, you always scold him when he tries to show concern. Hell, you even think about him when you are alone with your immoral, evil thoughts. Everything about you is fucking wrong. It would almost be good for him if you would just die out there so he has a chance to finally move on with his…_

Her phone began buzzing again as if on cue to interrupt her destructive thoughts. She checked it to see a series of texts from her attendant. She needed to hurry. Lightning ran out the door and barely made the first train of the day, the 05:00 rapid line. Once on base, the rest was routine. She was given her paper orders, acquired her gear and weapon, and made her way to her airship. Command had told her any assignment or new info would be given to her by a Cavalry officer once she touched down in Mah'habara. She took this much-needed opportunity to close her eyes and let what will worry her later to happen later. She produced her cell from her pocket once she had found a seat and tucked her weapon away between her legs. She opened her messages to see Hope's name highlighted as 'unread'.

YOURmyHOPE (1/1):

I'm here, waiting for you. I always will be.

(read 5:35 am today)

Even those few simple words invoked a powerful mix of love and terror. Light clutched the edges of her phone within her palm and reached to pull at her hair again. She hated reading his words as much as she longed to read them.

_replying_

LIGHTisPOWER:

I want to come home.

_Send? yes/no_

**no**

_replying_

LIGHTisPOWER:

Hope, I know that things are-

Lightning stopped. She didn't know what to say. She was truly terrible at this, and it was one of her most frustrating shortcomings. Whereas Hope, who in a few words could bring her heart crumbling in on itself despite years of discipline and military desensitization, she could never find the right words. Eventually, it became too much of a struggle that she would simply not reply at all. Lightning swiped left to return to the previous screen. As she did she saw the message from her sister from earlier that evening.

OX_lostinthesnow_XO:

Hey Claire! So what r u planning 4 2morrow? Hope has been living with u 4 like a year! Crazy where time goes, huh? He's what? He moved in after spending a year with his dad so...I wanna say 16? Me and Snow were planning on doing dinner or something to celebrate. How's that sound? L8rs

(read 6:13 pm yesterday)

Lightning chuckled to herself. She had completely forgotten. She had gone out a few days before and purchased a reclining chair and desk set for him. It wasn't the most glorious of gifts and she didn't buy the most expensive set in the store by any means, but he needed them. They were in her closet, waiting for today to arrive.

_replying_

LIGHTisPOWER:

Happy Birthday, Hope. I can't wait to celebrate it together.

_Send? yes/no_

**Yes**

_Message sent._

Light tucked her phone back into her pocket as a gentle smile crept across her face. The whine of the airship's engines steadily grew and she could feel the craft lift itself from the ground below. She squared her weapon away below the seat and snapped the belt buckles of her harness into place.

Lightning was startled back to reality as the airship touched down on the hard ground below them. She picked herself up from her seat and retrieved her gear and her weapon before making her way to the loading doors. As the door came down, she was met by a Cavalry Second Lieutenant standing just outside the doors, feet slightly apart and hands clasped together behind his back.

"Sir," she said as she combed her hair with her fingers in an attempt to mask her earlier drowsiness.

"Welcome to Mah'habara, Sergeant Major. Thank you for coming. We could really use your expertise."

"I don't know how much help I can be, sir. I don't imagine I've spent any more time on Pulse than you have."

"Not true," he replied as he pointed to his freshly browned insignia on his lapel, indicating his recent commission and military schooling. "Unlike truly experienced soldiers such as yourself, I am a product of formal education and training."

"I will try not to hold it against you, sir," she said.

He was taken back by her forwardness. Only Lightning Farron could get away with such words against a commissioned officer no matter how wet behind the ears he was. The Lieutenant chuckled before extending his hand to her.

"Damn good to have someone like you here," he said.

She shook his hand before slinging her weapon back behind her legs so she could throw her pack onto her back.

"Start from the beginning," Lightning said, "Tell me everything that happened since the go ahead for reconstruction of PS36."

The Lieutenant cleared his throat before beginning, "Once cleared, they gave me the assignment of overseeing security and monster patrols. Because the area had been cleared, I would assume they gave me the assignment due to its simple nature. Unfortunately, we've run into a bit of a problem." He extended his arm towards a large makeshift headquarters to indicate her to follow.

"Something happened," she replied, "Something unrelated to the monsters you patrol for."

The Lieutenant approached the door of the plywood building and pushed it open for her. "Precisely," he said.

As they walked inside, everyone within rose from their seats clustered around tables and terminals and turned to salute their direction.

"As you were," the two said in unison. They looked at each other curiously before Lightning took one step back and joined the others in a salute of her own.

*Ahem* "Right, so this is Sergeant Major Farron," he said awkwardly, "The Sergeant Major and her men, as I have been told, are a well experienced and elite group. Higher-ups have given them the go ahead to operate here. We are to respect their presence, utilize their knowledge, and obey their orders. Understood?"

"Yes, sir!" came the collection of voices around them.

Lightning turned to the Lieutenant. "Sir?"

"Myself included," the Lieutenant said, "It may not be a direct order or a formal motion by our superiors, but we think, myself included, that it would be in the best interest for all of us. I know if I have my say in any of this that people will only get hurt."

Light was amazed. The level of intuition and humility from the young officer was astounding. "I understand. Let us do what we do," she said, "show me everything you have."

The Lieutenant motioned her towards a large table and indicated to two of his non-comms to make a space for her. She leaned over the table, intensely studying what intel they had. As she did, a young Junior Grade Sergeant approached her and presented her a report in hand.

"This is what we have, sir. My men and I were patrolling the PS36 mining town here," the young man said as he placed his finger on the large map on the table, "just half a click southeast of the reopened mine. As we approached the town, we could hear the crank alarm sounding."

"From the mine?" Lightning asked.

"Actually, no sir. We thought that too considering all of the monster incidents that happen around the mines. The crank alarm was sounding from the town. We rushed the town, expecting to see monsters harassing the residents, but it was dead. I mean, completely dead. The crank alarm was running off its battery when we turned it off. We searched the town but found nothing save for scattered weapons and shells, broken windows and doors, and a few vehicles scattered the dirt roads in flames."

"Do you have an incident history for the town? Any dissension among the settlers?" she asked.

"Um…" the young Sergeant began as he searched the table scattered with papers and maps, "right here."

Lightning perused the incident reports after she was handed them. She was about to toss it aside until one small thing caught her eye. "What is this?" she asked, pointing to a late entry on the report. The cheap ink had been worn away from constant shuffling.

"This was….Ah. This was a little over three weeks ago. A few kids, sixteen to twenty years old or so, were arrested and detained overnight for disturbance of the peace and assault by the town marshall and her deputies. They were threatening the town marshall with mining tools and were screaming something about what they called the Curse of Pulse, claiming Pulse and it's 'l'Cie' having destroyed world order and so on. They were released the next morning and the charges were reduced to drunken misconduct."

"That's all?" Lightning asked.

"Yeah, it's not an easy life out here. These things happen quite often. The marshall isn't a pushover either, she can handle herself pretty well. We talked to her about it but she was adamant that a night in the drunk tank and some fines were enough. She didn't want to make a big deal about it. You know how people talk, right? I mean not ALL good came of the l'Cie and their 'revolution'. A lot of people got hurt, you know? Cavalry included. If you think about it, they really were…"

Lightning's expression had changed. She had taken half a step back and was leaning away from him. She crossed her arms and let one of her hands stray to her chest, instinctively covering a mark that was no longer there.

The Sergeant stopped speaking, realizing the gravity of his words. He stared blankly at his new superior before attempting the words, "I am sorry, sir. It is not my place to say such things. It hadn't dawned on me that… I'm not trying to take anything away from.."

"Forget it," Lightning said, "I understand you did not intend to be right or wrong." Lightning released her grasp on her chest and resumed her authoritative stance before continuing, "Please go on."

"Yes, sir. After the incident, it was discovered that the miners had been digging a shaft outside of their foreman's directives in the nearby mine. The miners claimed ignorance, but extensive diversion of equipment and resources was proven. Seeing how none of the miners said anything or claimed to know anything, no one was charged and the mine simply established new digging protocol."

"Since you lost contact with the town, have you checked the mine?" Lightning asked.

"No, sir. We have not yet reached the foreman. We assumed they are still out of contact in the mine and will not emerge until the end of the work day. We didn't want to force ourselves in there and cause any more distress than needed."

"Understandable," Lightning replied, "But the mine is the one place not yet searched. Logic would dictate that if there is anything to find regarding the disappearance of the town, it would be in there. Since you were the first to respond to the alarm, I will have you and a few of your best men accompany my team to the mine for a search and protective sweep. Are you familiar with the mine?"

"Aye, sir. My fire team and I have been the length of the mine before on monster sweeps."

"Have your men ready in 5 minutes." Lightning, with those words, turned and walked away. She stepped outside to give her own men their orders and then took a seat on the ground just outside the door. She was emotional, her fists clenching and releasing subconsciously. She pulled her phone from her pocket and desperately tried to call him. She needed to calm down. She needed to hear his voice. Before she could make any call, the Lieutenant stepped out of the building and approached her. She stood quickly, jamming her phone back into her pocket.

"Are you alright?" the Lieutenant asked.

"Perfectly fine," she stated.

"I'm sorry for what happened in there. He's just a kid. He has no idea what he's saying. His older brother was Cavalry, and he… he was turned to crystal with other Cavalry when they assaulted Orphan. He sees his brother's death one-sided."

"I don't blame him." Lightning muttered. They both stood in silence, kicking their feet about, unable to say anything else. One of Lightning's men approached the two in their silence. She turned to him before he was even in range to speak. The man nodded towards her before turning away.

"Time to go," she said.

"What do you need of me?" the Lieutenant asked.

"Stay on comms, and keep your airships close, just in case," she said as she walked away from him.

* * *

"STOP! Don't move!" Lightning shouted into the darkness of the shaft. She was lost, her sense of direction having died the moment she stepped foot into the mine. She took tense, careful steps forward. With each step, her surroundings became more shrouded in the chaos of the darkness. The darkness alone wasn't the only presence she felt, she could feel something else. Something evil controlling the environment around her.

Loud, resonating cracking noises echoed ahead of her. She dropped onto her chest, burying her face into the hard ground below her as rifle rounds reflected off of the walls around her and further behind her. Trails of dust oozed onto her body and face as she cautiously raised her head. She stood slowly, bending her knees into a crouch and pressing herself against the wall before moving forward once more. One small step at a time she could again feel a chaos deepen within the mine, in the walls, inside of her. Suddenly, she heard the pitter patter of quick feet again. She picked up her own pace into a run. The mine wasn't endless. They couldn't run forever.

Lightning felt a blunt weight crash into the right side of her head followed by her body crashing into the wall to her left. The pain soared into the depths of her mind and threatened to kick out her eyes. Gut wrenching nausea and pain in her extremities set in as she found her place on the hard ground. She looked up and to her right, to the source of the strike.

"The sounds, you see, can be deceiving in here. The mine itself is treacherous, but once the miners had found this, this chaos swarming the caverns… the mine became deadly," the voice the said. Light tried to focus, but her eyes failed her. She could barely make out the silhouette of what appeared to be a standard issue rifle wielded by a figure dressed in a familiar Cavalry blue.

Lightning struggled to keep herself from succumbing to the pain. She grasped at her head only to feel a tender wet heat. Her touch induced more searing pain.

"How fitting," the voice continued. The clarity of the voice was still lost, but it was clearly the voice of a man, "How fitting you, of all of them, would come here. Come here to die. When you all had come back from Pulse, I knew it would be the death of him. The death of all of us."

Lightning pulled herself up to sit back against the wall opposite of her assailant. She feebly raised her hand in between her face and the barrel of the weapon pointed at her. As she did, the butt of the rifle came down against her raised forearm. The snapping noise the followed was clearly the result of one of the surfaces being more resilient than the other. Her arm was not the winner. She dropped her arm and pulled it into her chest before crying out in pain.

"Look at me. Look at my FACE," the voice said calmly. Lightning was lying on the ground clutching her arm as she fought the need to expel what little contents her stomach contained. The man grew frustrated at her lack of obedience and held her face to his gaze by her blood-stained hair.

"LOOK AT ME! Look at my face you l'Cie filth! Look at the face of the man who will take what little worthless life and dignity you have left and destroy all of it!" the man screamed. He threw off his jacket and blouse before tearing at her coat and undershirt with his free hand, exposing her. As he spread her out before him and mounted her, in a more sinister and level voice he continued, "Look at the face of the man who, when he is done with you, will take everything and everyone you hold dear and bring them to their knees."

As she lay there, shaking in confusion and loss of blood, she stared at the man on top of her. As he unfastened his cartridge belt and trousers and began tugging at her own, she tried desperately to remember, to remember something…

Another loud crack rang through throughout the mine. She felt grateful the man had chosen to kill her first, or so she thought. The weight of the man was now upon her, and she could feel him. She clenched her eyes shut and tried to scream, but the weight on her chest prevented her from taking the deep breath she needed. His hair was now covering her face, and she could smell him. After a few moments had passed, the smell of the man's hair was replaced with the bitter, pungent smell of blood. The smell became thicker and more defined as blood poured onto her face. She could hear footsteps quicken in the distance and become louder.

"Are you okay!?" she could hear in the distance. The footsteps resonated louder and louder against the walls of the mine shaft until the echo could no longer be heard, until she could only hear and feel another presence beside her. When the weight on her chest was relieved, she gasped for air only to cough back the dirt and blood that had found their way into her windpipe. The figure threw the dead body aside before holstering a large revolver into his hip. He took off his long leather coat and draped it over her exposed body.

"What say you, then?" he asked again. Lightning nodded at least to indicate she was still alive before clutching at the side of her face again, shielding herself from his view. "It's deep," he said as he examined her, "hang on a tad. I'll get some help," he said.

"Thank you," Lightning said in between labored breaths.

"I'll be back," he said as he turned away from her.

"Who are you?" she asked.

"Deputy Davanos," he replied, "Merral Davanos of PS36."

The two heard loud cracking resonating off the walls again. A faint voice was heard in the distance screaming, "No! Get away from me! Help!" A loud, deafening roar followed. It was beastly, inhuman, and far from man made

Merral stood and stared into the darkness before muttering, "...the miners." He turned back to Lightning and called out, "Stay here!" before taking off running, revolver in hand.

"Wait…" Lightning attempted. She rolled onto her side, unable to keep herself upright anymore. "Wait...please..."

* * *

"WAIT! Merral!" Lightning cried out as she thrashed off of the couch and onto the floor. Serah and Snow came running towards her from the hallway.

"Claire! Wake up, Claire!" Serah pleaded.

"Sis! It's okay! Really!" Snow tried.

Lightning's eyes returned back to their normal position from inside her head and she looked upon her sister. "Serah!" she screamed.

"I'm here Claire. I'm here. Everything is okay!"

"But Merral… the miners… I… I was almost..."

"You're okay, Claire. Just a bad dream is all. Relax, relax, it's okay… it's okay…" Serah soothed as she held her shaking sister in her arms, stroking her hair. As Lightning's grip on her sister's nightgown lessened, Serah helped her back onto the couch.

"Yeah…" Lightning replied. "Just a dream… just a dream…" Lightning's exhaustion was beginning to take hold again. She leaned back into the pillow, body relaxing into the couch.

"Just a dream…" she continued, "It was just a dream, Hope... just a dream…"


	14. A not from Ferus Olan :)

Hi, everyone!

 **Firstly, thank you so much for reading my story so far!** I always wanted to do this ever since I first played the first game. I have so much I wanted to say and do, but for now, I will stay with the story I have and finish it till completion before I decide to go back to my post-LR stuff.

 **Vianna Orchidia** and **Twilight AngelDemon,** your feedback has been awesome. I'm really glad to have you reading this one.

I wanted to clear up a few things before I post anything else.

In Lightning's dream of the past (chapter 13) as hinted of by the end of chapter 12, Lightning is a Sergeant Major. In the U.S., this is termed an E-9. This is the highest enlisted rank possible. Compared to her current rank as a Warrant Officer, deemed as W-1, which is just above enlisted ranks (E-#) but below commissioned officers (OF-#), in her dream she is of lower rank than that of a Warrant Officer. This means the events of her dream are a flashback to an experience she had when she was just an enlisted soldier. I also implemented Serah's mention of Hope's sixteenth birthday. This had to of taken place before Hope enlisted in the GC when he was eighteen, the age he is now.

Now, Hope and Merral are the first grade of Corpsman (E-4, Corpsman Third Class), both with field experience. They are the first and lowest rank of Corpsman which is just above a hospitalman (E-3). Their E-4 standing is equivalent to that of a Specialist or Corporal. Some usages throughout NATO bonify a specialist as a Lance Corporal depending on their function. A Corpsman or Hospitalman may be a called a Corpsman for sake of convenience even if they are below an E-4 or if they are within a military organization that utilizes Lance Corporal rankings for Corpsman/Specialists. The U.S. terms this usage to their naval medics, but other countries and services recognize the function universally.

 **Bottom Line?** Hope and Merral are the same rank and carry little to no combat authority as their rank is dependent on their skills as Corpsman.

Wikipedia has an article on U.S. service grades. I see most readers are from the U.S. so please peruse through their article if you would like.

**search: U.S._uniformed_services_pay_grades**

I know the military jumble isn't easily understood (especially since them pompous wankers in NATO and the UK, maybe U.S. too, keep changing their system every five bloody seconds) so I probably shouldn't have leaned on it as a basis of time frame, assuming the ranks and service grades I used still mean the same thing as they did when I first wrote this story.

I hope this helps!

Please keep reading! All will be revealed in due time :)

**KEEP CALM**

**and**

**SHIP HOPURAI**

Cheers.


	15. Weird Girl (Proposal)

**Please review this one! :)**

**15**

**Weird Girl (Proposal)**

"Who's there?" Hope asked as he picked himself up from his bed and made his way toward his door. The knocking came again before he could finish with his coat.

"It's me," Came a familiar voice, "Serah and Snow too."

Hope wrestled his new clothing on over his healing shoulder. The clothing he was admitted in was cut from his body so his father had new clothing brought to him. Although they were not military standard, they were uniform like. His gray pants were tucked into his multi-strap boots, and a white button down shirt covered his torso with a yellow bar running down each sleeve. Lastly, a turquoise tie hung loosely around his neck. He left a pair of black gloves and a cargo belt with buckled pouches on the chair untouched.

He braced himself for the usual pain as he raised his right arm high enough to let his coat fall into place. He swung his left arm around and behind him to thread it into the left sleeve before shrugging the coat onto both of his shoulders. With a pair of pants and an attempt at a shirt and coat hanging from his body, he opened the door.

"Hey," She said. Lightning stood in the doorway a few paces behind Serah and Snow. She stood motionless and mesmerized at what she was seeing, her lip trembling briefly.

"Hey yourself," He replied. Hope was as motionless and amazed as she was. He felt as if it had been centuries since he had last seen her, a feeling he hoped he would never have to feel again.

Lightning stood her ground against him, the two waiting for the other to break their stance and come running toward them. Lightning took one careful step forward and then another. As she leaned into her next step forward, she found herself having been forced backward by impact. Hope smashed himself into her and squeezed her waist with all of his might. He picked her up and twirled from where she stood outside the doorway into the room. Hope winced in pain as he set her back on her feet.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"Yeah, no worries. Just a little-"

He was interrupted by her lips against his. It was a passionate, forceful kiss. Lightning wrapped her arms around his neck, drawing him closer as she pursued him into the wall behind them. Hope reciprocated her efforts by bringing his arms around the small of her back and pulled her up and into his hold. After several long moments of labored noises and an audible release of their lips, Lightning set herself down from her stance on her toes and let her arms fall against her side. She looked down and away from his eyes, trying to hide her red-faced embarrassment.

"I'm sorry, Hope. I don't know what came over me…"

"I'm sorry too," Hope replied, "I shouldn't have rushed you like that."

Light stepped toward him, putting her forehead against his chest as she straightened his disheveled light blue tie. She bit the side of her lip into the edge of her soft smile before saying, "I'm glad you did."

After she had finished prepping his shirt and tie neatly with the rest of his clothes, she looked up into his eyes. She pulled her hands away from his tie and laughed through her nose. Hope started laughing too.

As their laughter trickled into schoolgirl like giggling, Snow took a step into the room before clearing his throat. Lightning and Hope jumped before looking in his direction.

"Hey kid, we came too…" Snow said as he wrapped his arm around Serah. Serah raised an awkward wave with her hand.

"Oh... Hi, Serah. Hi, Snow," Hope said.

"You two seem to be doing well," Serah said, "Light, can I talk to you for a second?"

Lightning turned towards her sister before leaning into her ear. Snow and Hope stood side by side exchanging puzzled glances as the two sisters whispered back and forth.

"I don't know," Lightning whispered under her breath, "I feel pretty okay about it now. I don't feel worried anymore. When he's here, looking at me the way he does, I just… I'm not afraid anymore."

"Are you sure?" Serah asked. "I said I'd be here with you to help you with today. I just want to be sure."

Lightning peaked her head out from the duo's small huddle to steal a glance at the slender, white-haired young man. She turned back to her sister before replying, "Yeah, Serah. I really am."

"Hey, hey kid." Snow whispered towards Hope, "What uh… what do you think they're talking about? You… you think it's about which one of us is better at… you know?"

"What?

"C'mon, Hope. You know women talk about.. _.that_."

"No, Snow, I don't think they do," Hope said emphatically, "What could have possibly led you to believe that they'd be talking about _that_?"

Snow shrugged as he raised his hands up to Hope's eye level. "Hey, easy kid. I'm just saying. They talk to each other about all kinds of stuff. Now that you and sis are together, you know they are gonna talk about it."

"Snow, no. No, they won't. Honestly, what is wrong with you?"

"Okay, okay. If you say so," Snow said. He dropped his hands and leaned closer toward his pseudo brother-in-law. "Seriously though, if they had to choose,who do you think-"

"Snow!" Serah exclaimed. Snow jacked himself to attention at the presence of her voice. "We're gonna go somewhere for a little bit."

Snow, upon looking at Hope's disgusted and enraged face, briskly walked towards her.

"Sure thing!" he said as he followed her out the door before letting it close behind him. Lightning turned to Hope once they were out of the room and took his hand.

"We need to talk," She said.

"I'm sorry Light. I didn't bring it up. I know you two don't talk about… _that_. If you do, not saying you do, just that _if_ you do, it's not my place to know. Snow brought it up! I swear on my life that-"

"What are you talking about?" Lightning asked.

"Um… nothing," Hope said with a fake inflection of confidence in his voice. He brought his hand behind his head before continuing, "What did you want to talk to me about?"

"I wanted to see if you were doing all right," she said. Lightning played with her hair as the words fell from her tongue, "Those clothes look good on you. Your dad's doing okay?"

"I'm okay, and I'm glad you think so. He's good. Where were you? What's going on?" Hope asked in an effort to redirect her attempts to change the subject.

"I was just taking care of something," Lightning rambled. She was beginning to regret dismissing her sister.

"What's that in your hand?" Hope asked as he pointed to her coat pocket occupied by her fist, "I noticed it when I had asked you."

Lightning took a step back before cautiously producing the referral slip that was burning a hole in her coat pocket. She held it out before him.

"What's this?" He asked.

"You'll see," She forced past the lump in her throat, "If you want to re-think anything about us, you should. You deserve to know."

Hope took the piece of paper from her with one hand. With the other, he thread his fingers into the fingers of her outstretched hand and pulled her into him despite her meager attempts to pull away. She resided herself to burying her eyes into his shoulder and keeping her hand intertwined with his. He held the well-worn piece of paper to the light, taking several long moments to read it over. After finishing, he stuffed the piece of paper back into her coat pocket. He took her other hand and turned her toward him.

"That's it?" He asked plainly.

"Do you know what it means, Hope?"

"I know what it means," He replied.

"It means that I'm…"

"You're what, Light?" Hope asked soothingly.

She turned away from him to sit on the edge of his bed. She took his pillow in her lap and stuffed her face into it before forcing through the muffling of the pillow, "I'm...no good…"

As she said the words, Hope could hear her timid crying through the pillow. Hope sat down beside her and laid her out flat on the bed onto her left side. He laid beside her, facing her, and removed the pillow she clutched onto from in between them. She replaced the pillow in her arms with one of his outstretched hands. When she finally allowed her eyes to meet his, she wiped her tear stained face before attempting to say something, to say anything.

"Hope? Are we… I'm no good, am I?"

"Why's that?" Hope asked with a gentle smile. He brought his arms and legs up and intertwined them with hers as he pulled her into him. She buried her head into his chest before taking the deep breath she needed.

"I walked out on you so many times when you were younger. I treated you poorly. I scolded you for trying to help me. I made a promise to you I couldn't keep. I let you grow up without me. I cheated you out of a happy childhood. I missed your sixteenth birthday. I wanted you so much, Hope. Even when you were just a teenager, I wanted you in my arms. I wanted you in my bed. I've wanted you this whole time. I came so close so many times to betraying the trust that boy had in me because of my shameful desires. In the end, I wasn't honest with you because I wanted to be. I was honest with you because you had already seen the truth I tried to hide. You missed out on so many things, so many moments I could have shared with you."

"I told you not to worry about the birthday, Light. You were hurt. You already told me."

"That's not why I didn't come home, Hope."

"Then why didn't you come home then?" Hope asked calmly. He waited for her answer for several seconds before asking again, "Why, Light?"

"I was assaulted," She said. She took a long moment before she willed herself to finish. "A cavalry soldier, I think. He tried to use me and then kill me."

"Why? I don't understand." Hope pleaded.

"I don't really know either. I don't think I was a hero to everyone during my days as a l'Cie. I saved lives, and I ruined others. That has become very clear to me in recent events."

"Light, you should have told me!" Hope cried out, "And so what? A lot of people don't like us for who we were. That doesn't make any of what happened to you justified. You know that."

"I'm sorry, Hope. You were still so young. How could I tell you?"

Hope paused. She was right. Despite his feelings at the time, would her words have changed him? Would they have changed him for the worse? If she wasn't ready to face them, how could he have been?

"Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why now?" He asked.

"Because I'm no good for you, Hope. I'm damaged goods. I'm too old, too broken, and too afraid to tell you anything. I didn't make for a good guardian then, and that may not change now."

Hope slowed his breathing and closed his eyes. After many passing moments, he reopened them. Light could see that the world in his eyes was not that of the room and her in his bed, but of a distant and more dangerous place.

"Do you remember when we were wandering through Archylte Steppe?" Hope asked, "Do you remember when we rounded that ledge and that Megistotherian knocked me over the edge of it? You dove after me and grabbed my wrist before I could fall to my death. You held us both over the ledge by one hand and held onto me with the other. We were there for nearly an hour before someone came looking for us. When Fang pulled us up by your hand, your arm dislocated from your shoulder. I remember seeing your face when it happened. I had never heard you scream in pain like that before, or make such a fearful look. Despite the pain and fatigue, you didn't let go of me. As Fang pulled you by your dislocated arm, you pulled me up with the other so my fingers could reach the ledge. When I had grabbed the ledge you finally let go of me. I held on, but I was too weak to pull myself up. Fang kept screaming at you to give her your good hand but all you kept saying was 'I'm fine, help him!' and 'Save the boy!'. Light, I don't care about anything else besides you. Because of moments like those, I never thought of anything or anyone else. I don't want any other future than the one where I have you. I don't want anyone else to protect me, and if I ever do have children, I don't want anyone else to protect them other than you."

"What are you saying?" She asked.

"Well, I mean… I'm kinda young, you know?" Hope whispered, "Before today, I hadn't even thought about trying to have kids, but it's not a life I haven't considered with you. Do you want children?"

"I do," She replied, "Ever since Ellie was born and your last birthday came, it's something I've really been thinking about. But you read what the doctor wrote. If you do ever dream of it, you shouldn't have to throw it away on account of me."

Hope placed his hand on the top of her head, guiding her head just under his chin. He let out a sigh before pressing a kiss into her pink hair.

"Light, listen," He began, "So we just try harder. We'll just try harder than other couples. We'll go to all of the appointments, try every treatment, see every doctor, recite every prayer, and try every day and every night to have a baby."

Lightning clutched at his tie and coat and wedged herself in between his arms and legs. She looked up at him, tears welling in her eyes.

"Are you serious?" She asked, "Every day and night?"

He placed his right hand on the side of her face, stroking her cheek with his thumb, and pressed his nose against hers. Hope's left hand found it's way to the lapel of her coat, fingers toying with the clasp that kept the coat covering her undershirt and midsection.

"Me and you and a little one like Snow, Serah and Nellie, huh? Maybe not today, or for a while, but yeah. I can really see it. If this is what you really, truly want then-"

"I've wanted that life with you for a while now," She said as she kissed his neck, "When I see Snow and Serah, I see how happy they are. I know the only person who could ever make me feel they way they do is you."

Lightning pushed Hope onto his back and laid flat on top of him with her head just above his. She ran one hand through his white hair while the other was still interconnected with his own.

"Hope, I know you're still young. I don't want to force anything on you right now. Since Serah and Snow had Nellie, and watching Dajh grow up, I've wanted a family I could call my own. I've only ever wanted a family with you by my side. Please, just think about it. Okay?"

"Will you… " Hope began.

He tried to catch up to her, to realize the things she had years ago. He knew he wouldn't fully understand what she felt today, right this moment, but he knew he eventually would.

"...at least marry me first?" He asked.

Hope's eyes were wet and wild with anticipation and fear as he said those words. His hands and feet trembled beneath her. Lightning stared down at him, unsure of what she had just heard. Lightning pulled away from him and picked herself up off of the bed. She took a few steps towards the door and turned away from him to comb her hair back into place with her fingers.

"Hope?"

"Yeah, Light?" He asked as he pulled himself upright.

"Did you just ask me to marry you?" She asked blatantly. She turned toward him, hands crossed in front of her.

"Well, you keep talking about kids and wanting a family and all of these things. You're so far ahead of me. Hell, I haven't even voted yet. I want to give you the world, Light. I want to give you everything you'd ever want after everything you've done for me. However, I hadn't even thought about having children or if we'd find a bigger place or what it would do to our jobs or anything, really. "

"So that's how you ask!?" Lightning said in a huff, taking an assertive step forward as she did, "And what if I said yes, right here, right now?"

Hope was left with his mouth agape, lips moving without a word to say. He didn't think about what he had said to her or what he was going to say next.

"I'm so sorry Light, just… I'm sorry. I don't want to change us. I don't want to ruin anything, just forget I said-"

"Don't you dare!" Lightning cried out. She took a big stride forward towards Hope, knees now pressed against his as he sat motionless on the edge of the bed, "Answer me. I want to know."

Hope tried to stretch his legs and wiggle around her, attempting to put weight on them as he did. This only made Lightning more furious. She pushed against his shoulders, slamming him into the bed, before pressing him down into the mattress with her hands. He was under her once again, staring into her wanting eyes through her hanging bangs. She straddled him this time, pinning him down against the bed underneath her.

"Hope," She began, unnervingly calm, "Tell me right now. If I had said yes, then what would you have…"

Her words became softer and trailed to an end before she could finish her thought. Her expression and her grip on him softened as she saw tears pooling in the lids of his eyes. He raised his forearm to his face in an attempt to cover the tears now trickling down his cheeks.

"If you said yes, then I guess I could die happy then," He whispered.

His arm fell from his face to the side of the bed, revealing welling tears in his eyes and a pure, innocent smile. His fingers walked his hands up the sides of Lightning's legs and settled themselves around her waist, pulling her down every so softly toward him. He raised himself just enough that his lips could brush against hers.

Lightning felt an intense burning heat radiate from her chest to her hands and feet. Lightheadedness overtook her as her face became more pale, the blood rushing to her core. The strength in her legs withered as the floor of her body came down to rest upon Hope's waist. The strength in her arms was just as fleeting. Her hands fell from his shoulders and found themselves cradling Hope's head. She brought herself within an inch of Hope's face, doing nothing more than breathing. He continued to peck her lips, whispering her name each time he did. After a minute or two, she finally broke free of her trance.

"Say it again, Hope," She said softly into his ear.

His kissing stopped. His hands worked their way from her her waist to the sides of her cheeks. He pulled her face gently in front of his and forced a swallow before managing the words, "Light… are you sure?"

She pinched her eyes closed, releasing tears down the sides of her cheeks. Lightning pressed her lips together, unable to speak. She bowed her head into his chest and silently nodded.

"Claire Farron, will you marry me?" He asked gently.

As he said those words, Hope could feel a fist behind his head digging into his hair and another clenching into the side of his blouse. Still on top of him, Lightning kept her head buried into his chest. She nodded again, more vigorously this time as she smeared her tears up and down his shirt. Her body gently heaved with each tender sob as her lips parting every so slightly that her gentle crying became audible to the distant reaches of Hope's ears.

"I love you, Mrs. Estheim," Hope whispered, "I love you more than anything. I always have."

He wrapped his arms around her and stroked the back of her head as she lay lifeless on top of him, defenseless against the onslaught of his words.

"You feel so warm, Hope," She finally said, taking a brief respite from her emotional wallowing, "So very warm…"

Feeling a quivering beneath her and the hold around her body releasing, Lightning raised her head to his. She saw partially his covered face, shielded by his forearm, glazed in his own tears once again. Hope curled his arms around his face to try to dull his crying.

"Hope…"

"I'm fine, really," He said from behind the sleeves of his ruined shirt, "I really am, ok? I just… I had always imagined this. It just seems so surreal to be able to call you that."

"Hope, you're crying… I had no idea."

"So are you."

"You asked _me_ to marry you, remember?"

"I know. It's just that when I moved in and you were away on an assignment, the other residents of the building would ask me about us as if we were married or soon to be married or something like that. When I would get really down, they would ask me to have the two of us come over for dinner or something, and I would tell them that I didn't know when to expect you home or a similar excuse. They would kindly accept my words, saying something like, 'Don't worry Hope, being in love at your age is hard, but it's worth it,' or, 'It's okay. Being there when she gets home is the best thing for you two. We won't try to keep you.' Now that I look back on it, being in love really was hard," Hope replied, "I'm being silly, aren't I?"

"You didn't correct them, did you?" She asked.

Hope shook his head, laughing into his sleeve. Lightning laughed too. They exchanged smiles for the first time since she had arrived.

"It's okay," She continued, "When you were away at school or visiting your father, I never corrected them either." The two settled into a long pause before she spoke again.

The two settled into a long pause before she spoke again.

"Want to go home?" She asked.

"Yeah. Do you?"

"Mhm," She said as she took a seat beside him, "I wanna go home and watch a movie or something. It's been a long past few days."

"It really has," He replied, "We can make dinner too."

"Screw that, I want to save my energy. We'll just do take-out or something." Lightning put her head and on his shoulder and sighed, "I want to have sex, too."

"Sorry?" Hope asked, utterly bewildered.

"I've been waiting a really long time for you. If I don't get any, I'm going to kill someone or something," She said with a deadpan expression as she stared at the wall in front of her.

"But-"

"I'm serious, Hope. I don't know that I can wait another day. I am going fucking crazy. I've been going crazy ever since you moved in. I can only get so far on my own. It's about time you took responsibility for that."

"I… I'm sorry for that…? I didn't know I had that kind of effect on you…" Hope said, staring down into his twiddling thumbs, "So… like soon? In a few days soon?"

"Tonight."

"I don't know… Really? My body still needs to rest from-"

"Yes, tonight. Don't worry about that, I'll do enough for the both of us. I'll handle everything."

"Do I get a say in this?" he asked.

Lightning paused, pretending to think before replying, "Yeah… I don't think so."

"When did you get so crass, Lightning?"

She stood from the bed and tossed his belt over to him, ignoring his question. She made her way toward the door and said, "I'm gonna go find our ride home and my sister. C'mon, we're burning daylight."

Hope fumbled off of the bed and draped his belt around his neck. "Wait!," he called to her, "I have to wait for my discharge from the hospital staff!"

Upon hearing those words, Lightning turned back towards him. She took his wrist in her hand and dragged him along with her towards the door.

"Let's get out of here," she said.

"Light, hang on a sec. Will you just listen to-"

"Hope," she said as she abruptly turned to face him, "Don't make me wait any longer. Please..."

She was a breath away from his face and breathed abnormally heavy. Hope glanced down at her. He noticed that she clutched the base of her skirt down over her legs as far as it could stretch with her teeth biting the corner of her bottom lip.

"I'm sorry," she continued, panting at every pause in her words, "I wanted to just make a point earlier, but now I think I worked myself up into a bit of a... I'm a little…"

"Right now?" Hope asked, "Do you… need me to help you with-"

"Give me the room for a little bit, like 20 minutes," she replied.

"What?!"

"Give me the belt around your neck and your coat too," she stated. She took it from his neck and drew it as far as she could.

"Is this as tight as it gets?" She asked, threading one of her wrists into the small loop she had made with the belt, "Forget it, I'll make it work. Don't worry, I'll get you a new one."

She took his face in her hand and kissed him. She balled up his coat into her hands and stuffed her face into it, breathing deeply. She put one hand on his chest and pushed him just outside the doorway before closing it.

Hope stood there, staring into the closed door for several moments. _What have I got myself into?_ he thought, _I knew she was a bit daft sometimes, but I didn't know she was such a weird girl. She's so 'pent-up'. Is it… my fault?_

He turned his attention to his phone when he felt it buzz in his pocket. After looking at the message, he turned away from the door and made his way to the elevator.

 _No sense in waiting around right now. I'll just go look around for a bit before the nurses notice I'm gone_.

* * *

After wandering around for a minute or two, Hope nonchalantly got on the closest elevator. He did his best to try to not to make eye contact with the other passengers, but they did not seem to share in his efforts. When he finally reached the bottom floor, the other passengers, dressing noticeably similar to himself, nodded toward Hope before uttering, "Sir," as they exited. Hope, the last to step out of the elevator, raised his eyebrow questioningly.

"Hey!" a young woman's voice called out to him.

"Hey!"

"HEY!"

Hope turned to her direction, realizing now it was his attention she sought after.

"Remember me?" The short-haired blond girl asked with a giddy smile.

"Um… Alyssa, right?" Hope asked.

"Yes, sir!" She replied, "I'm heading the big building south of here for a class. Care to join? If you're not too busy, that is."

"Sure, for a little bit," Hope said, "I'm free for now, but I can't say the same about my evening. What class?"

"Ohh… you'll see," She said with a wink, "You'll see soon enough. You uh…"

"Hm?"

"The clothes," She said, "Your father's doing?"

"Yeah, guess so. Do I look that bad?" Hope asked.

"No, not at all. It looks good on you. You don't have to wear _that_ thing, do you?" Alyssa asked, pointing to his waist.

"Oh, this? I suppose not…" Hope replied. Hope unclipped his GC badge from his waist and stuffed it into his pocket.

"I haven't seen one of those in a long time," She said, "I always forget the Guardian Corps' first duty is to the protection of the people. It's better than wearing one of those gaudy shoulder pieces at least. Speaking of the GC, where's Mrs. Guardian Corps?"

"Oh, uhh… she's um… busy," Hope muttered.

"You two get into a fight?" She asked coyly.

"Etro willing, if only," He sighed.

"Are you two… together?" Alyssa asked with a hint of anticipation.

"Yeah, we are."

"Is it serious?"

"I would say so. I just asked her to marry me."

"Wow! Look at you go! Your dad said you were ambitious!" She said, trying to hide her disappointment.

"He said that, huh? Don't believe everything he tells you. Speaking of whom, do you two talk a lot?"

"Yeah, we sure do. I'm a student here at the Academy and I applied for an internship with a research and development team. I didn't know your father was the head of the program until after I was accepted. If it's not about work, he is always talking about you. I've heard so much from him. I feel like I've known you for years. Is it true you rescinded your application to the Academy to join the Guardian Corps?"

"What has he said about me?" Hope asked with a bit of worry.

"We're here!" Alyssa said, pointing triumphantly at the doorway of a large lecture hall, "Just sit in the back with me once we get to the classroom. I think you're gonna like it."

"If you think so, I'll take your word for it," Hope said enthusiastically. A smile blossomed on his face. He had forgotten how much he enjoyed his studies and pursuing research.

They approached the doors to the auditorium, shuffling in and out of other groups of students loitering in their way. As they came closer and closer to the doors, the other students around them quieted and stared inquisitively at the two. Hope could feel the cold blades of stares and whispers on his back as he followed the girl through the entrance. Once inside, they took their seats in the back by the doors and waited patiently. After a short minute or two, a woman who appeared to be a few years older than Lightning appeared through a door flanking the stage. She was dressed in a plain colored suit similar to that of his father's.

"Quiet down, please," She hushed at the crowd of bustling students frantically trying to find their seats, "We are a few minutes behind as it is. Take your seats. For those few of you who did not make it to the first day of class due to recent events, thank you for coming, and welcome to PROT 410: Practical Theory and Principles of fal'Cie Form and Function.


	16. CBEs

**16**

**CBEs**

"That's it! Books and pads down!" The older woman's voice called out into the room, "I hold in my hand one-hundred and thirty-seven pop quizzes. There are only one-hundred and thirty-six students enrolled in this course. Someone here has violated the Academy's regulations regarding testing. Who is it?"

Alyssa looked over to Hope with sympathetic eyes. "I didn't know we'd have a quiz today," She whispered to her deskmate, "Or that she would grade them so fast."

The murmuring and side conversations increased with each second that past. After several minutes of waiting, Hope found himself hiding his face behind one of Alyssa's textbooks as the stares of nearly one-hundred and thirty-six others were starting to bore a burning hole into his head.

Noticing the direction of her students' attention, the woman approached his desk. She pulled the book away from Hope's partially hidden face before speaking.

"Is there a reason you do not wish to be seen, young man?" She asked.

"We're so sorry!" Alyssa pleaded.

"Why? Don't tell me you had something to do with this, Alyssa."

"It wasn't her fault. She had nothing to do with it," Hope stated.

The women took a moment to ponder his words. She placed a hand under her chin and stared down at the boy.

"Fine, have it your way," The woman said. She produced a quiz with no visible name or student number, "Let's put a name to this piece of madness, shall we? Out with it then."

Hope cleared his throat before standing awkwardly, nearly kicking back his chair onto the floor as he did. He glanced over to Alyssa who stared at him wide-eyed and ever so slightly shaking her head.

"It's uh…" He began, "My name... "

"Well? We are waiting, Mr. Uh," She said callously.

"Hope…" He mumbled.

Her face immediately softened. The room around them erupted into a hoard of whispers and gasps.

"Just 'Hope'?" She asked.

"Estheim, ma'am. Hope Estheim."

The room around them escalated from whispers to audible bewilderment. Hope had never felt so embarrassed. All eyes were on him, and he could hear the others analyze everything about him, including his recently revealed identity.

The woman's attitude abated demonstrably. She approached his desk, this time with less formidability than she had before. She returned to his hands the book she had taken from him before speaking.

"I apologize Mr. Estheim. We simply have rules here, that's all. We thank you for what you've done for us, for your father too. I didn't mean to be so insensitive toward-"

"I understand," Hope replied, "I should be the one to apologize to you, Mrs…"

"Brivah. My name is Dr. Brivah."

"I am sorry for causing you trouble, Dr. Brivah. You have my word that I will make every effort to keep myself from doing so ever again. Please, this is all my fault. Alyssa had nothing to do with it."

Hope found himself at attention, elbows to his sides and thumbs pointed down the seams of his pants. Dr. Brivah stared at the young man trying to make sense of the mystery that stood before her.

"Alyssa, you may leave," She finally said. "We'll call it an early day," She addressed to the class.

As Alyssa took her leave, other students rushed towards her, crowding her, to ask a million questions to the scared girl. When the room was finally empty, Dr. Brivah asked a bold question.

"May I go over this assignment with you?"

"Ma'am?" Hope asked. Expecting to be dismissed, Hope's face was overtaken by an expression of confusion.

"The quiz," She clarified, "You are not a student of the Academy if I was told correctly."

"Correct, ma'am."

"Then I can presume you have not taken a single prerequisite for this course and lack any formal instruction into fal'Cie prototyping, correct?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"What I hold here is a pop quiz asking an near impossible question. It does not have a definite right answer. This course is the penultimate course for this field of study, requiring a prepared thesis from each student and research done by blessing of the Academy for the student to fulfill the course requirement needed to graduate. This quiz was designed to assess the knowledge base of incoming students to determine what they do and do not know, as well as what they have brought with them from the past three and a half years of study into this course."

"How do you grade it then?" Hope asked.

"I don't," She replied, "It is for my use only. A similar question is asked at the end of the semester. That one is graded."

"So I didn't fail?" He asked sheepishly.

Dr. Brivah put her hands on her hips again and leaned against the desk behind her. She raised one hand to her face, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Mr. Estheim, I… I don't know how to say this."

"Say what, ma'am?" Hope asked inquisitively.

"It's just that… your response was very…"

"I understand," He said, eyes averting themselves to his feet, "It's not the only thing I've ever done that was severely lacking. My father wanted me to pursue my studies more aggressively, but I never did. You could say it's a rather big fault on my-"

"No! Not at all! I'm trying to say it's good! It's very good!" She said zealously, "Your application of practical knowledge regarding fal'Cie function is years beyond that of many of my students. Your theory regarding implementation of Artificial Intelligence networks to circumvent the possibility of a fal'Cie's dangerous autonomy was… fascinating. What I don't understand is how you could be so versed in this field with practically no education. You are truly gifted, young Estheim."

"Hardly. I've had some first-hand experience with fal'Cie before," Hope replied, "Perhaps those experiences were more of an influence than I thought. I've tried to read in my spare time too…"

"Mr. Estheim, have you heard of 'Credit-By-Exam'?" Dr. Brivah asked.

"Can't say I have, ma'am."

"CBEs are awarded based on competency. Every course here at the Academy has an exam that offers a CBE. This was implemented to facilitate students who transferred over from Sanctum led institutions. You take the exam, and if you pass, you are given credit for the course. I have no doubt that if you took the competency exam for this course, you would pass. In fact, I don't think any of the lower level courses would pose a competency test beyond your capability. You could theoretically, within the next couple of days, pass your exams and apply for graduation. This course fulfills the penultimate requirement for several different disciplines of study, so it is up to you what exams you would want to take for which field. An advisor could go over all of your options with you and schedule your testing as well."

Hope stood from his desk and paced back and forth. He brought his hands to his head, unsure of what he was hearing.

"This is… a lot to think about, Dr. Brivah. I don't know if I- "

"Are you worried about the Guardian Corps?" She asked.

"Of course," He replied, "Your offer sounds absolutely amazing. I can't say this hasn't been a dream of mine, and I'm sure they will place me on reservist duty or something because of my injuries. Still, I don't know that I can do this…"

"Please, just think about it. If you do decide to do so, Mr. Estheim, I would love to introduce you to my research team."

"Research team?" He asked.

"Yes, your father and Alyssa are members as well. We are working on something truly fascinating, and we would love to share that journey with someone as like-minded as we are."

"Indeed," A voice came from the doorway behind them. The figure made his way toward the two.

"Director," Dr. Brivah acknowledged.

"Dad?" Hope asked.

"She's right son," He said to Hope, now standing amongst the two, "This is an opportunity for you, a big one. I can help you, Hope. I could have you transferred down here to the GC station here in Academia while you work on passing your exams. You could also apply for transfer into the Academy's security commission or the APD to finish your service. I know it's an unorthodox suggestion, but it's not something I would be opposed to trying to work out. This project Dr. Brivah speaks of, it's truly something to behold, and I know we would love to have you."

"Just, just let me think about it…" Hope said as he staggered back into his seat, "What about Lightning?"

"We'll work something out," His father said, "Just take your time with this, all right? You don't have to make a decision right now."

Hope sat in his seat, pondering his father's words. Suddenly, he jolted up and made a break for the door.

"I forgot about Lightning!" He called out to his father as he ran. Once at the doors, he turned to face his father one more time, "I want this, dad. I really do. But I need her to be okay with it. That's the most important thing." With those words, he was gone.

"Is this Lightning the one-and-only Lightning you've been going on about, Bartholomew?" Dr. Brivah asked.

"Indeed," He replied with a chuckle, "That boy, look at him run after her like that. Though I thought Lightning would have already talked to him..."

"Go easy," She said heartedly, "We were all his age once upon a time. He probably should know you asked her to work the investigation with you here in Academia. The way he ran out of here, it doesn't seem like she told him yet."

"Yeah, yeah I know," Bartholomew said, "What do you think? Good kid, huh?"

"Damn smart one too," She replied, "Takes after his mother I imagine."

"You got me," Bartholomew said, playfully clutching at his chest at her words, "Starting in with the jabs early today I see."

"Well, If you were half as smart as your son, you would know when a good thing comes around," She replied. Dr. Brivah took a few steps toward, closing the distance between herself and the Director and grasping his hands, "How 'bout it then? My offer still stands."

"Aria, I…" Bartholomew began, "I know. You're a very attractive woman, and there's nothing in the world that sounds better than going to dinner with you. I just need a little more time…"

Dr. Brivah peeled herself away from him and made her way back to her desk in the center of the room. Bartholomew stood where he was, unmoving.

"I meant what I said, Bart. Just… give me a call when you are ready," She called out to him. With those last words, she slung her bag over her shoulder, empty coffee mug in hand, and made her way towards the end of the hall and out the doors.

Bartholomew was left with one simple, solitary thought as his feet solemnly sunk into the floor beneath him.

_Damn._


	17. Kiss that woman!

**17**

" **Kiss that woman!"**

"Do you have a moment? I hope I'm not interrupting anything," The voice on the line asked her. Lightning took her phone off speaker and put it to her ear to try to hear him better. With her free hand, she scrambled to pull up and back on her disheveled clothing.

"No, Captain Zilla," Lightning replied, sighing under her breath as she settled her skirt around her waist, "I apologize for not answering your first call. What do you need?"

"I know you're taking leave right now, and understandably so, but I needed to discuss something with you."

"Yes sir, anything." She replied.

"Well…" He began, unsure of where to start, "I uh… I received an interesting set of paperwork from the Academy's provisional office in New Bodhum."

"Regarding the situation earlier this week? Any new developments?"

"Actually, no, and unfortunately no again. The investigation is still in its early stages. The suspects we have are still pretty tight lipped. They will be transferred to the APD later today. Academia forbids criminal investigations and questioning outside the scope of military practice to be performed by the GC, so the APD and the Academy's Security Commission will be taking over."

"I see," Lightning said, sitting on the edge of the bed as she moved her cell to her other ear, "So what is it exactly you need from me, sir?"

"Well, I received two transfer requests. The first is for one of your men, Mr. Estheim. This one is signed by his father. The second is for you."

"I don't understand, I know things didn't go well on the operation, but it's no reason to throw us into some god-forsaken assignment in the middle of nowhere as a punish-"

"No, no, nothing like that," The captain replied, "It's not like that, really. Director Estheim has requested his son's transfer to the Academy's private security commission on new assignment. He has also requested you as well."

"Bart already told me he wanted me to help his team with their investigation, but what does this have to do with Hope? I haven't been able to tell him yet. I mean Mr. Estheim! I haven't been able to tell Mr. Estheim yet..." Lightning said.

She clenched her fists worriedly, realizing how informal her use of their names must have sounded to her commanding officer.

"Lightning, relax," Her captain said, "It's okay. I understand how unique your relationship is to them. It's been more lasting than your relationship to me. I'm not here to take anything away from that. If you were anyone else, it might be a different story. What you've been through, everything the three of you have done for all of us, it's not my place to come between that."

"Thank you, sir, but it's more complicated..."

"I see that now," He replied. Lightning could hear him shuffling through his papers, "What it says here for the reason of transfer is… umm… rather delicate."

"Sir?"

"It says "Dependency/Family". I uh… Well, since you aren't listed as "married" and don't have any children, I need to know a little more from you before I consider approving this," He said.

Lightning was frozen in her seat at the edge of her bed, her lips and face now pale.

 _This is very, very bad_ She thought.

"You a good soldier Farron, one of the best, but this is… I have to ask. What is your relationship to our young Corpsman?"

"Um… I… um…" She mumbled. Her hand clutched the phone tightly against her face with the whites of her knuckles expressed.

"I need an answer," He said calmly, "For instance, if you two were in a relationship during your time in service, there could be grounds for fraternization. However…"

"How… However?" She asked.

"However, if you two were... say, living together and had established a domestic relationship _before_ the start of his service and could attest to that, like say you two were engaged, then I would be more inclined to be accepting. Understand?"

Lightning became wide-eyed, the color returning to her face along with a meager smile.

"I do, sir, "She replied, "We… uh… are exactly as you have described."

"I will take that into consideration," He said.

"Thank you, sir."

"Farron?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Unofficially, I know that you and young Estheim struggled together quite a bit before you came back to us. I don't want to take anything away from that. Who you are now, the both of you, it's bigger than the Guardian Corps. Having someone you can go home to is what makes a home truly a home. Don't ever lose sight of that. Believe me, there's nothing more important than the family you have."

"Thank you, sir. You are too kind."

"I'm going to let you go here, I have another call coming in. I'll send notification to you both once I hear back from the Academy after I submit these transfers."

"Understood," Lightning replied.

She hung up her cell and pocketed it into her jacket. Lightning's smile crept wider into the sides of her face, her teeth now showing. She pressed her face into her hands and wiped her eyes before placing her hands on her knees to stand. As she did, the figure of a man standing in front of her came into view.

"Fucking shit!" Lightning cursed at him, arms flailing, "Great Crux of History, you scared the fucking hell out of me! When did you get here?!"

"I came in just a little while ago, sir, "Merral replied, "You didn't notice me and I didn't want to make any noise leaving while you were on the phone with the captain so I… I thought this was Hope's room…"

"It is," She replied, "He's out right now. You should have called ahead."

"I know. I am sorry sir. I didn't expect to see you here," Merral said, "I uh… I didn't know you two were-"

"How long have you been standing there?" Lightning interrupted, "Long enough?"

Unable to shake his head 'no', Merral simply remained motionless.

"I see," She said.

"What about the Corps?" He asked.

"Sorry?" Lightning inquired She took a few steps toward the door while trying to avert her gaze. She couldn't break her annoyed and angry expression.

"Hope, the Guardian Corps, all of _this_. I thought there were rules for a reason. This isn't how…" He trailed. His eyes now found his feet and stayed there.

"I'm sorry," He managed, "I don't understand. I don't understand, and that means that I probably don't know everything. I shouldn't have said those things."

"No, you shouldn't have," Lightning said softly. "But thank you for your concern. I'm sure he would appreciate it. What do you have there?" She asked, pointing to a brown paper parcel under his arm.

"This?" He asked, gently unwrapping it and showing it to her, "It's the pieces of his shoulder and shrapnel that they removed. I managed to get my hands on it and put them back together. Next to it is a chromed plastic replica of the metal piece that they used to replace his bone. The whole top half of his humorous was replaced."

"And this… Is a gift?" She asked, "You framed it too I see."

"It is if you're a Corpsman," He said sheepishly, "Not everyone get's the sentiment."

"Well, I'm sure he will, "She reassured, "And, I'm sorry for earlier. I never did thank you."

"Sir?"

"For coming back for us. I was pretty useless. You're the only member of Bravo that came back for us. If it wasn't for you, I don't think Hope would have made it. I didn't know what I was doing, and I was too weak to carry him. I… I just want to thank you."

"He would have done the same for me, sir," Merral replied, "You... really don't remember me, do you, sir?"

"Sorry? Remember what happened at the Academy? We just discussed this," She replied, hands on her hips.

"No, sir. Nevermind. It's nothing," Merral murmured.

"I see," She replied. Lightning studied the man, her eyebrows curling, and eyelids narrowing as she did.

"Sir, is it okay if I leave this with you? I need to catch the last tram to New Bodhum to report back. I'm not really on leave so I-"

"You're not on leave?!" Lightning interjected, "You came all the way out to Academia? You need to hurry! Go!"

Upon her orders, Merral turned toward the door, shouting, "Thank you, sir!" before racing down the hall.

* * *

 _Who is that running out of Lightning's room?_ Hope thought. He picked up his pace after seeing the spectacle and rounded the corner into the room.

"Light? What's going on?" Hope asked, "Where are you?"

"In here," Her voice came from the small bathroom of the hospital room, "I'm just cleaning up."

"Are you… done with what you needed to do?" Hope asked with a hint of fear for her response, "Who was that?"

"I never… um… got around to that," She willed herself to say as she produced herself to him, closing the bathroom door behind her, "Merral was here to visit you. He had something for you too. I'm just fixing my clothes in the mirror. When you left earlier… well, that feeling I had just wasn't the same."

"That's um… sweet of you to say?" Hope said, unsure of how he should accept those feelings," I don't quite know what to say…"

"Yeah, I was being rash and I let it get the best of my self-control. I'm sorry for dismissing you, Hope. I shouldn't have. I really need to talk to you," She replied.

"Me too, Lightning. There's something I really want to talk to you about."

"Oh? What is it?"

"No, it's okay, Light," He said, "You first."

"Hope, go ahead. I can wait for you to finish."

Hope took a deep, steady breath before narrowing his eyes. His hands clenched at each other as he spoke.

"I think I want to move to Academia," He said, eyes pinched shut. He was sure this was going to upset her. The last time he had really upset her, she had slapped him at her sister's wedding.

"Hope, I… did your father already tell you?"

"Tell me? He said some things to me earlier, but now I'm not sure what…" He trailed, "Did he tell you about his research?"

"Research?" She asked, "I thought I would be moving here to work on the investigation."

"Wait, you're moving to Academia?" Hope pushed.

"Well, yes. The captain and your father had made arrangements for me to investigate the Academy attacks here in Academia. The captain also said you were relocating too. Not only that but the two of us are relocating together due to 'family' reasons."

"Family? Does that mean the GC knows about us?" He asked worriedly, "What are we going to do?"

"Don't worry. The captain has made his case that we had an established 'family' before your service. They think we were engaged," She replied, an embarrassing smile creeping into the sides of her lips.

"Oh…" He said, face down and cheeks red with his hand scratching the back of his head, "I guess it's not all a lie... right?"

"Yeah, something like that…" She murmured as her hands slowly reached out for his.

Hope let his hands find hers as they sought him. She leaned into his chest and kissed his chin.

"Why are you coming to Academia exactly?" She asked, "Does it have something to do with what you wanted to tell me?"

"Oh yeah!" He said excitedly, "The Academy offered me a chance at a position here. I ran into someone I knew, accidently took some kind of test, and now I have a chance to finish out a program here and work on something with my father's research team."

"That's amazing! Wow, just like that, huh?"

"I have to take some competency exams to earn the credits I need, but I feel confident I can pass them."

"You were always an excellent student, Hope," She complimented, "And a good test taker too. I believe in you."

"Thanks, Lightning," He said, reciprocating her feelings with his own smile, "I can finish my service through the Academy's Security Commission while I work on my studies.

"You want to do this, don't you?" She asked.

"Yeah, I really do," He said, hesitating to find his next set of words, "Light?"

"Yeah?"

"Will we be still be together here in Academia?"

"Do you want us to be?"

"Of course," He said, hands brushing their way up past her wrists.

"Then let's do this," She replied, "Let's find a place together, and get our things out here. How's another apartment sound? After my work is done and you studies are done we can try to look at some other places here or maybe a house in New Bodhum…"

"I don't care, Lightning. As long as it's with you, I'll be there," Hope said. He leaned toward her, cupping the back of her head in his hand before planting a soft kiss on her forehead. "What's this?" He asked, noticing the parcel on the bed.

"It's what Merral left for you," She replied, "I think you might like it, hopefully. I can't say I necessarily share his appreciation for it, but-"

"Oh! Awesome!" Hope exclaimed as he dug out the framed pieces of his body and plastic cast from within the brown paper wrapping, "Lightning, check this thing out! Look! Look!"

"I see it, Hope. I do. I… you can put it away," She said, head cocked slightly away from him. Hope was holding his 'gift' away from him in her direction while pleading for her to look upon it.

"This is so cool!" He said, eyes wide like a little boy on Christmas morning. Lightning looked at him and let a grin escape to the sides of her mouth.

 _Serah was right, they can both be a kid at times_ She thought.

"I'll take you word for it. How about we head home?" She asked, desperate to change the subject. The more she looked at the damn thing, the more it unnerved her. Despite how tough she may have thought she was, those pieces of Hope's body in a bordered picture frame did not sit well with her.

"Yeah, that sounds good," He replied as he packed his things and made his way toward the door.

"Hey kid!" Snow said, meeting the young man at the door, "We're back!"

"Perfect timing," Lightning said.

"You guys ready to head home?" Serah asked, "I was thinking of stopping somewhere for dinner on the way home. It's getting kind of late, plus Vanille and Fang are watching Nellie for the day and they've already eaten. Preference?"

"Nope," Said Hope.

"I'm good," Lightning replied.

"It's settled then! There's this place I've wanted to try for a while, but it was always too noisy for Nellie so Serah and I have yet to try it. Let's go!" Snow said excitedly.

"What place is it?" Lightning asked.

"Oh, you'll see…"

* * *

"Welcome back you two! I see you've brought some friends!" The familiarly excited young girl half screamed over the sound of the noisy restaurant. The girl turned to address Serah and Snow, "Is this your first visit to Chocobocalina's?"

Serah and Snow nodded in agreement, Snow more vigorously than her.

"Do you ride real chocobos in those commercials?" Snow asked.

"We certainly do!" She replied.

"Hey Serah, guess what!" Snow said, "They ride real chocobos!"

"Yes, sweetie, I heard," She replied.

"Isn't that cool?!" He asked.

"Yes, honey it is. It really is."

Snow left the group to wander around the restaurant. He went from wall to wall to look at all the chocobo related items and pictures that littered the chocobo wallpapered walls and doors.

"He's worse than Dajh," Hope said.

"Yeah, I know," Serah replied, shoulders sunken towards the ground.

"Just the four of you?" The 'Chocobocolina' asked.

"Mhm," Serah mumbled.

Once at the table, Lightning remembered the question she had been meaning to ask her sister since she arrived at her apartment unexpectedly with her inebriated husband.

"I still don't know what you two wanted to tell us that night," She began, "What happened?"

"Oh? I'm pregnant is all," Serah replied.

"That's all? That's big news!"

"It felt like it, but you and Hope are bigger news. I want to hear more about you two," Serah said with her chin resting on her hands and a smile on her face.

After the remaining three had been sitting at the table for several minutes, Snow finally returned.

"Where have you been, Snow?" Serah asked.

"Oh, you know, just um…" Snow said, leaning towards Serah's ear to whisper the rest. Lightning looked at the two with one eyebrow higher than the other. Hope was too preoccupied with trying his best to not look at the scantily clad staff to notice Serah and Snow.

"Oh, that sounds fun!" Serah said, breaking their little huddle.

"What sounds fun?" Hope asked. He snapped his head towards the center of the table, trying to feign having been paying attention to the group.

In the corner of her eye, Lightning could see three young 'Chocobocolinas' coming toward their table with a piece of cake and a microphone. _Oh no,_ She thought, _Oh dear Etro, please no._

When the group had reached the table, the girl closest to Lightning put her hand on her shoulder and raised the microphone to her lips.

"Were you two peaking on me and Hope after you left the room?" Lightning asked her sister.

"What?" Serah asked, feigning ignorance, "That's not what… I mean we-"

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we have two very special guests with us today!" The girl began.

Snow and Serah were clutching at each other with excitement as Hope looked at the girl in complete bewilderment.

"These two special people, "The girl continued, winking at Lightning as she did, "With us today have just gotten engaged!"

A wave of applause swept the restaurant. Hope's usually white face turned a deep red. The contrast of his face and his white hair made Serah and Snow laugh. Lightning, however, turned stark white.

"And we want to thank you two for sharing such a special day with us!" She said as she presented the large piece of cake.

Chants from the crowd around them were faintly heard over the noise of building. The four of them could hear "dance!" and "kiss!" in the distance. "Kiss" became increasingly popular. After several moments past, a unified chanting of "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" became louder and clearer.

"Oh. My. God! Sis!" Serah said, giggling like a schoolgirl, "You two should totally kiss! Right, Snow?"

"Absolutely," He replied, "Hey, Hope! Be a man and kiss that woman!"

Hope, now drunk with the excitement and attention, turned to Lightning and placed his hands around her cheeks. She looked at him, still in a confused daze, unknowing of what he planned to do next. Hope pecked his lips against hers. As he did, the crowd became utterly silent. Lightning pressed her hands against him and pushed him away just enough to break contact as she reoriented herself back to the real world. Confused by Lightnings action's, the other patrons resided to whispering amongst themselves as did Serah and Snow.

Hope's embarrassment finally started to settle in. He put his head down and closed his eyes, wishing time would reverse itself so he could take back what he had done. Instead, he felt two gentle hands graze the side of his cheeks and guide his head back up. He felt her lips press against his, jolting his eyes open in surprise. He tried to lean away from her to find a moment to regain his strength, but Lightning pushed herself against him. She pinned him between herself and the back of his seat and forced her tongue to his lips, jabbing furiously with the tip of her tongue. He clutched the back of her coat out of surprise and opened his mouth to take a break. When he did, she made her move. Their mouths were together, now fitting against each other like puzzle pieces as she turned his head within her hands so she could push her tongue further toward his own. Hope struggled against her for several moments before finally closing his eyes once again and relaxing just enough to meet her motions with his.

The crowd erupted in deafening cheering and applause. Snow and Serah sat across from the two, staring wide-eyed and motionless through the noise of the crowd. Their speechless attendants placed their cake down onto the table and made their way back to their stations. The girl, microphone in hand, congratulated them briskly before scampering away.

Lightning peeled herself off of the young man and leaned into his ear. She whispered something, further inducing a maddening red expression on the young man's face before picking herself up and making her way to the front of the building. Hope watched her leave as she made her way toward a small booth selling various Chocobocolina's merchandise.

"What was that?!" Snow asked, "And what did she just say?"

"She… she… um…. She wants to go home…" Hope replied.

"What?" Serah asked, "Really?"

"She said that… that… that she needs to go home," Hope continued while still in his daze.

"When?" Serah asked.

"Now. Right now," Hope replied, "She's… she's not going to wait any longer…"


	18. Since the Day I Met You

**PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT APPROVE! THIS IS NOT AN ALL AUDIENCES CHAPTER. VERY, VERY SEXUAL. So much LEMON it may sting your eyes as you read. Seriously. Gratuitous amounts of flowing citrus. If you know that this isn't for you, please, just do not read this chapter.**

**18**

**Since the Day I Met You**

Serah and Snow had hurriedly dropped them off at their apartment. After Lightning had purchased whatever it was she wanted to buy at the restaurant, she dipped out the front doors and headed straight for her empty ride to stow away her purchase. Hope was the first to follow, showing his true concern, while Snow and Serah followed after Hope out of curiosity once they were able to convince their servers to charge them just for their drinks. As soon as they reached Hope and Lightning's apartment, Snow and Serah drove away. They understood the new form the older Farron sister now possessed. Hope did not.

Hope was the first to enter their apartment as Lightning struggled with her lightweight but large, clumsy package up the building's stairs. Hope opened the door to let her in and watched her make her way to her bedroom and shut the door behind her before he could say anything to the frantic woman.

"Light?" He asked as he knocked on her bedroom door.

"Go sit in the living room somewhere, Hope. I'll be out in a second," Came her reply from the other side of the closed door.

"Okay… I guess," He said, "It's pretty warm in here, I'm going to crack open the window."

He turned away from the door and made his way to the living room. He cracked the window above the couch and sat down, letting himself sink into the seat. Hope leaned his head back and sighed.

"Are you okay?" He called towards her direction, "What happened back there? You went a little-"

"Hope?"

"Yeah, Light?"

"I'm coming out."

"Okay, I'm not going anywhere."

"Hope?" She asked again.

"Mhm?" He asked while feigning composure. He was finally home alone with her in their apartment, and he knew what it could mean for the rest of his night.

"How much do you love me?" She asked.

"What do you mean?" He replied, "What's with you all of the sudden?"

"Just answer me, please."

"How am I supposed to answer that? Lightning, I love you. I love you more than the air I breathe and the food I eat. You know that."

"Even if I did something ridiculous, you would still love me that way?"

"Lightning, I don't know that you can do anything to change how I feel. And what do you mean by that?"

"Close your eyes."

"Sorry?" He asked.

"I'm coming out, but I don't want you to open your eyes until I say, okay?" She asked.

"Okay, whatever you want," He said as he shut his eyes.

Hope could hear the gentle creaking of her bedroom door moments after. As the muffled pattering of her feet against the carpet became louder, goosebumps began to spread across his body. At last, the footsteps stopped, and Hope could feel a presence looking down on him from in front of where he was positioned on the couch.

"Um… okay," The voice said to him, "You can open them now."

Hope slowly opened his eyes. Lightning was standing before him, arms crossed in front of her, knee bent, and a timid, embarrassed expression settling into her cheeks. She looked away from him, unable to muster eye contact. Hope was speechless; his jaw hanging down to the floor. The goosebumps disappeared from his body as his usual white skin became flushed with blood. He was a mixture of arousal and fear, and he was in complete shock.

"You look so…" He began, unable to continue.

"I think I look ridiculous. I think I should go change," She replied.

Hope managed to stand up. His hands, willed on their own, sought her hips as he stepped forward closer to her. He continued to be at a loss for words as Lightning turned her head away from him and brought her arms down onto his, partly for the affection, and partly to hide her exposed midsection from him.

"You're a…" He began again, still unable to continue.

"I know," She replied, tears now pearling from the base of her eyelids, "I really do look ridiculous. This was so stupid. I should go-"

"No."

Lightning brought her face to his, studying him. The tears that threatened her had retreated back. Her arms uncrossed and her hands traced the lapels of his coat. The more exposed she became, the more firm Hope's hold on her waist became.

"No?" She asked timidly.

"No. Please, no." Came Hope's reply, "You look beautiful. Don't go."

"Oh… Okay then," She said.

Hope wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into him. He pressed his lips to her forehead and planted a soft kiss.

"What could have possibly compelled you to do this?" He whispered.

"I… I saw how you looked at them. Does how I look really mean so much to you when I wear this?" She asked.

"I didn't look because I wanted to see them, I looked because I…"

"You what, Hope?"

"Well… I looked because maybe I was trying to imagine what you would like in it… I just can't believe what I'm seeing, Light."

"Is it what you hoped for?"

"It's better," He said with a smile as he looked upon her, "You look better than any of them ever could. It's just better. It's so much better than I had imagined."

"You're staring," Lightning said, arms now crossed around her body as the fake feathers wisped through the air with each movement of her hands and shuffling of her feet.

"Would you… put your arms out to your sides?" He asked.

"Like this?" She said, complying.

"And move them up and down a little…"

"O-okay…" She replied.

Lightning waved her feathery arms up and down slowly, her face turning as red as the scanty clothing that adorned her. The feathers turned tail with each change of direction of her hands. As Hope's boyish eyes and careful smile grew wider which each motion, her confidence built upon itself bit by bit. The glow of the living room light reflected off of the sparsely glittered ends of each feather as she swayed side to side. Finally, she spun slowly, waving her arms as she did to let him see every inch of her in motion. To Hope, her porcelain-skinned shoulders and midsection were an erotic contrast to her red and yellow flare.

"You like it then?" She said, smiling.

Hope tried to bring himself to say something, but couldn't as he only nodded in response. Falling back down onto the couch, he reached for her hand and pulled her closer to him. She pivoted on her feet, pointing her rear towards him before settling herself into his lap. She reached her soft, feather-covered hands to his cheek as he wrapped himself around her body.

"You're my little Chocalina," He whispered.

"Stop…" She said red-faced.

"You're my feathered little angel," He said as he brought his lips to her neck. He grazed her neck with his lips and took a small piece of her skin in between his teeth, teasing her.

"Hope, wait. That's too much. I can't- Oh. My. God…" She murmured as she bit her lower lip, "Hope..."

Hope's lips traveled down her neck and shoulders and underneath her arm where the strap of her top rested just behind her breast. He nibbled against the strap while one hand caressed her breast. Lightning wrapped her arms around his head and neck and squeezed as she pinched her legs together. She could feel the insidious, debilitating pressure building inside of her once again.

Lightning pulled herself off of his lap and straddled him where he sat on the couch. She brought her "wings" to his sides as she leaned into him to kiss him. She pushed her mouth against his, dumping the contents of hers through his lips as the back of his head was pressed into the couch cushion behind him.

"Hope, I want you," She said, pulling away from him for a moment, "I want you right now."

"Are you sure?" He asked.

"I've been sure for so long. I don't want to wait any longer," She replied in between her panting.

Lightning reached down to his belt, and slowly separated the pieces of the buckle.

"Wait," He said, "Our clothes… Your clothes..."

"It's okay," She replied, "You'll be okay and you can just pull my bottom piece to the side when you're ready."

Lightning relieved the dumbfounded Hope of his belt, throwing it to the floor, and reached underneath the waistband of his boxers. She brought her hand back toward her, producing his erect cock as it throbbed within her fingers. Hope held his breath and brought his teeth together as she did, the suffocating pressure of his clothing being relieved from him. Lightning brought her hands toward herself, fingers toying with her opening through her red, feather-like panties as she stared down at his erection. This alone was enough for her to lose control. She continued to toy with herself until Hope spoke.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"I've… You are my first. I don't know what to… um…"

Hope grasped her cheeks between his hands, silencing her, and kissed her again. He cupped his right hand behind her head, bringing her ear an inch from his lips.

"Let's just take this slow, okay?" He said to her.

Lightning nodded in silent agreement.

Hope put his hand against hers, guiding it away from her slit and onto the shaft of his cock.

"Here," He directed, "Take it like you did before."

She did. Hope grabbed her by her waist and scooted her up as close to his body as he could. As he did so, he could feel her heart beating faster and harder. He pulled her skin-tight, red panty to the side, exposing her pink, pulsing pussy as it clung to the lace by a siiver of fluid. Hope traced the side of each lip with his finger, evoking a gasping moan from the woman above him.

"Please, don't look at me…" Lightning pleading, "I feel so dir-"

"You are beautiful," Hope said as he pushed the tip his finger inside of her, "Every part of you is pure and beautiful. Thank you, Lightning. Thank you for sharing them with me."

"It's Claire, please," She gasped, "Please, Hope. Call me Claire…"

"Thank you, Claire. I love you," He replied.

Hope pushed his finger deeper, baiting a writhe of the woman's legs as they wrapped around him. She howled as he did, wrapping her arms around his neck and wringing her hands furiously. Hope played with her, thrusting his finger inside of her as he sought the bulb between her folds with his thumb and her breast with his mouth. When he had found both, Lightning clenched her teeth and squealed into the night as waves of pleasure-filled tears pushed their way from behind her closed eyelids.

"Hope, I'm… I'm… I'm not going to make it…" She begged in between her futile gasps for air, "I'm gonna... please…"

Hope was unbelievably amazed at how sensitive she was. With what little experience he had with her, he could do absolutely no wrong. Every sensation she felt from him was but one more gift from the young man she had waited so long for. Hope could feel her body changing. She no longer resisted his finger, now accepting him as he felt her walls pulling against him deeper towards her depths.

"Claire," Hope whispered, "Are you ready?"

Claire looked back at him. Through her flushed face, panting, and tears of joyful longing and anticipation, she said to him with smile, "Since the day I met you, Hope Estheim."

Hope guided her hand, still wrapped around him, toward her cunt so he could enter her. He raised her with his knee just enough to enter her before setting her back down gently. As she came down and around him, he could feel himself push past what resistance she had waiting for him.

Claire, in a moment of painful desperation and fulfilled longing, threw her head back and gasped futilely toward the ceiling above. Her mouth and eyes wide open, she remained motionless without breathing, moaning, or moving, while her arms and legs constricted around her lover's slim frame. Every moment of fear, hatred, despair, lost love, and empty loneliness boiled up within her and threatened to tear her heart into a thousand pieces. An unbearable pressure began building within her where Hope had inserted himself into her. The moment she felt it, she wished the pain and desperation of her desire to be free of such a burden would kill her before she would have to suffer even one more second of its existence. Her wishes went unheeded as the duress spread from her vulva to her arms and legs, to her chest, to her hands and feet, to her head, and finally penetrated the very essence of her mind. She clung to him for her life, fearing that to let go would mean the very end. Her nails found themselves many millimeters into the flesh of Hope's back as the walls of her vaginal canal clamped around him and pulled him further towards her than she had thought imaginable. The tip of his cock pressing against the base of her cervix only added to the agony of the excruciation strain she was forced to endure.

Lightning, at long last, broke free of her pain. Both mentally and physically, she could only bear so much for so long. A spark began somewhere within her, erupting a cascade of explosions that manifested in violent contractions of her muscles in her arms, legs and back. She felt a powerful sustained contraction forming within her, both in the front occupied by Hope, and in the rear. As her legs and arms shook in rigid form, her hips crowded involuntarily against Hope's waist back and forth. She could feel every bit of internalized force that threatened her sanity rush out of her, from everywhere, from every part of her. She grasped at Hope's face, unable to connect the palms of her hands to his cheeks as her vision failed her. Still holding her breath, she threw her jaw open in an attempt to breathe. The muscles of her ribs and chest, still rigid, were unable to relieve themselves enough for her take her first breath. She mouthed his name over and over and over, desperately trying to call out his name but to no avail.

Her interior motions were too much for the young man. He returned her embrace by clutching her body tightly against his chest as he released everything he had deep inside of her. She could feel his warmth adding to her own pleasure.

She could no longer hold her breath anymore. The building carbon dioxide and lack of oxygen were sending signals to her brain, urging her to push out her now worthless air. When she did, she let out a deafening scream filled with her pain, her joy, and her pleasure. Her quivering reverberated through the ends of her feathers as her screams filled every inch of their apartment. Her screams were accompanied by a release of fluid from inside of her, running down Hope's cock and drenching his clothes.

Once it was over, she was left lifeless and cold. She fell against his body, every muscle paralyzed with fatigue. Her first breath born anew was a struggle unto its own, nothing more than that of a wheeze of a child outran by an older sibling. She looked at Hope's face, watching his mouth form words but unable to hear them as ringing in her ears dominated her. Hope took her face in his hands and smiled softly.

Lightning, upon seeing his innocent and loving face, became awash with shame and dejection. For so long she refused to believe she both deserved and would ever have his love. She hated him for the turmoil he caused her, and she loved him for the warmth he gave her. Despite the death of her parents, she would only ever really cry a few times in her entire life. The first was the day Sanctum fell and Serah was finally returned to her. The second was at this very moment when she realized she was one with the one person she ever truly loved.

Hope tried to console her, but she would be undeterred in his arms. Her heaving and sobbing swept through the room as she wrapped her arms around him and buried her face into his chest.

"Claire, what's wrong? Did you not want this?" Hope asked desperately.

"No, of course not!" She replied, "I just can't believe that this is happening. I've just wanted this for so long."

"It is happening, Claire. It really is. You don't have to cry," Hope said as he caressed her body with his hands.

"Thank you, Hope. Thank you…"

Hope and Claire, facing each other, stared into one another's eyes. A smile crept across each of their faces, precipitating in laughter.

"You… just now? Right?" Hope asked.

"Yeah," She replied, "You too, right?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry. I didn't last…"

"Don't worry about it," Claire said before pecking his nose with a kiss, "It was the greatest ten seconds of my entire life. "

"So, I was good?" He asked sheepishly, "All ten seconds of me?"

"The best," She replied, "I've waited my entire life for it. You have another ten seconds in you?"

"As many ten seconds as you need," He said, returning her kiss with one of his own, "A promise is a promise after all."

Lightning could still feel him within her. Although he already came, he was still erect and throbbing inside of her. Lightning put her feet on the floor and lifted herself off of him. As she did, everything he had released inside of her began to seep out from the folds of her slit. Her red panties snapped back into place in a feeble attempt to seal herself closed. When she turned and made her way to her bedroom, the fluid crowning from her panties dripped down the inside of her thigh. Hope stared at her, mesmerized by the sight of the mess they made failing to stay inside of her. Hope, pants down, fully exposed, and completely dazed was left motionless on the couch. Lightning stopped just before she reached the threshold of her bedroom door.

"Are you coming to bed, Hope?" She asked.

"I'm good. I don't feel tired," He replied.

"I don't feel tired either," She said, "But… I still want you to come to bed…"

"Oh, I see…" Hope said, "O-okay. I'm coming…"

Hope picked himself up from the couch and made his way to her bedroom door. He stopped, just outside, looking in. Hope saw her peeling away the feathered clothing that scattered about her body. Once she was fully undressed, she got into the bed and pulled the bed sheet up to her chin and looked up at the young man.

"Can I pull this away?" Hope asked, fingers toying with the corner of her bed sheet.

"You can just come in with me," She replied, "Please…"

"But I want to see you in the light," He said, "I want to see all of you…"

Hope pulled gently on the sheet as it fled from Lighting's fingers to the edge of the bed. Hope stood above her, at the edge of the bed, gazing down at her.

"Claire, you really are the most beautiful woman to ever walk the shores of New Bodhum."

"Really? 'Cuz I'm going to have sex with you, right?" She teased.

Hope brushed his hand on the switch by the door. The light of the room faded, leaving only the light of the hallway to cast itself upon her naked form. Hope brought himself to the bed and crawled toward her. He remained above her, fearlessness in his eyes as he stared down upon her own. Claire held her hands to her chest, legs crossed, cowering below him as his foreboding desire washed over her.

"Did… did you get enough to look at?" She asked timidly.

"Almost," He said as he took her hands in his own and slowly uncrossed her arms, "Look at yourself, covered in my seed and our sweat and filth. You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my entire life."

Lightning squirmed underneath him, wrists still clamped within his. The pain and the pressure were building again from his words alone.

"Stop it, please!" She pleaded, "You don't know what you're saying…"

"I know exactly what I'm saying," He said as he brought his face an inch from her ear. He cupped the inside of her thigh as his fingers grazed against her skin up towards her middle before whispering, "And I can feel where you end and a part of what I left behind begins…"

Lightning's writhing beneath his grip intensified. She pressed her legs together, trapping his hand between her. Her rapid breathing and heaving chest were followed by tears that smeared tiny bits of red feathers down the sides of her cheeks. Hope looked down at her, unsure if his teasing enticed her or hurt her. He didn't care. It was his time now.

"When you say those things, the least you could do is kiss me," She muttered.

He did. He brought his mouth to hers, and he thrust himself inside. To her, the sensation was like that of a rushing river: flooding her mouth, trapping her tongue, and drowning her and her screams. Hope pulled her legs apart and put each of his legs just inside the small of her knees. He spread out his arms with hands clenching down on the bed spread on each side of her face. Save for her legs spread open, trapped on each side of his hips, the shadow cast by his body fully encompassed her. Every piece of flesh beneath him was his, and he was going to enjoy every bit of their destruction. Gone was his emotion-filled passion, his innocent love, his purity. What remained was only the animalistic, carnal desire that was no longer repressed like it had been for so many years. She could feel his raw, uninhibited energy pouring over her. It enveloped her, threatening to never let go. She knew that her newfound fear of him was irrational at best, for she had made him this way.

"Claire!" He growled into the night as he thrust himself inside of her, no permission, no hesitation.

She tried to match his movements to share his pace but fell far short of him. He was bounding, forceful and absolutely determined. The immense sensitivity he felt before was a distant memory. He was bigger, harder, and hotter than he had ever been; and there was only one direction he could go. There was no turning back, no words of peace; there was only the man, his mission, and the embodiment of his desire that lay before him: Lightning.

Her eyes rolled back into her head. She threw her hands to the side, grasping futilely at the sheets below her to stabilize herself. Her back contorted backward into itself as she thrust her breasts and her core into the air above. Her breathing ceased, her fear gone, and every part of her that defined her personality and her character destroyed by the sensation that burned inside her loins. Before she had even a moment to ready herself, her reality collapsed in on itself, granting the release from every notion of fear and pain it had brought her.

Hope grit his teeth, scowling from the back of his throat as he called out her name. He grabbed her waist, thrusting himself as deeply inside of her as he humanely could. He was pouring everything he had into her. Finally, he collapsed onto her body.

Lightning was left to claw herself back to their shared world from her own limbo. As she did, her arms and legs still struggled to free themselves of their contractions. She breathed forcefully through her mouth, tongue sprawling out of her lips. She gasped and writhed uncontrollably until enough air had occupied her lungs that she could manage one final, wretched scream: his name.

Overwrought and lifeless, clung together like two pieces of clay on a hot day, fatigue overtook the boy. He could feel someone beneath him lift him away from her and drag him to the center of the bed. He laid on his back, too tired to open his eyes with hands reaching out into the air above in search of her. She took them, placed them at his sides, and whispered into his ear:

"It's my turn."

"Wait, okay?" He asked of her, "I need a moment, please."

Claire wanted none of it. He did this to her. He had woken something deep inside her. She clawed her way on top of him and bent forward, burying her teeth into his side as drool seeped from between her teeth and out the sides of her mouth. Her eyes went red with untamed, wild desire as Hope grimaced in pain. He clenched into folds of her hair with his hands as he begged her stop.

"What's going on with you, Claire?"

"You did this. You dug deep, found my switch, and turned me the hell on. Just stay where you are and take responsibility," She replied as she toyed with his cock, the swelling returning, "Do you really want me to stop, Hope?"

"Claire, just listen to-"

Claire threw herself into him, kissing him. As her kiss gained more and more ground, she brought herself closer to him, legs sprawled on either side of him and set herself down around him as she inserted him into her.

"OH… MY… FUCKING… GOD…" She rasped from the back of her throat, "I need this so fucking much…"

"Holy shit, Claire," Hope managed to say as he pawed at her chest, "That is…Oh God…"

Claire leaned into him, pressing her body forward, then back, and then forward again. As she increased her pace, she took one of his outstretched hands and brushed his fingers across her lips before inserting his forefinger into the curl of her tongue. With each thrust, she clutched tighter at his wrist and sucked harder on his fingers, suppressing her moans.

"I'm not gonna make it… Slow down, please, Claire!" He begged as she pumped herself against him.

His sweet sounding pleas rang heavy in her ears only to add to her pleasure. Claire threw her head back, squeezed Hope between her knees, and held her breath for the moment she had been working so hard for.

"OH GOD! PLEASE, GOD!" She cried into the night, "HOPE! HOPE!"

Claire fell lifeless against her lover's body with him still inserted inside of her. He threw his arms around her and squeezed her in her arms as he released himself inside her once again.

With the last of his contractions, Hope released his held breath and cried out her name, "Claire… Claire… Shit, God damn it… I… I… Claire… Thank you…"

She rolled off of him and settled herself on the bed at his side. They both stared up into the dark ceiling above them in silence save for the heaving of their chests and heavy, labored breathing.

"I love you," She said.

"I love you too," He replied as the sweet embrace of sleep began to flood his mind.

Claire turned to face him, tracing her fingers up his forearm and kissed his neck. When the boy returned no such response to her, she kissed him again.

"Claire, I'm so tired. Please…"

"But I need you again," She said pouting, "You promised me…"

"But I… There's gotta be some limit to-"

"You promised, Hope," She said as she kissed him again, "Whatever it takes…"

Two realizations came to the young man in that single moment: The first being that keeping his promise to her was going to destroy him; and that tonight was going to be a very, very, very long night.


	19. One Too Many

**19**

**One Too Many**

_Hmm?_ She thought to herself. _What in the…_

Lightning jerked herself awake. The sun was shining through the window and into the room. The overbearing weight of the light against her eyes was too much to bear. She sat up and reached up behind her where the window stood guard just above the head of her bed and drew the blinds closed. As she did, an arm draped over her, yanking her back into the bed and under the sheets. At first, she was nothing more than startled. She brought the covers over her head and snuggled into the body next to her as his arms and legs wrapped around her. Comfortable once again, the weight of her eyelids betrayed her desire to experience the moment for as long as she could. As sleep began to overtake her, the realization of where she was, the arm around her, and the night before shot through her chest like a runaway train. She tried to jolt herself out of bed to distance herself from her bed and the man in it, her source of embarrassment, but found his grip on her to be more than she could overcome.

"Let me go," She said to him, "I want to shower."

"No," He replied and he pulled her curled body toward his body, her head buried into his chest, "I like how you smell right now…"

"You're gross," She said, "I-" *cough* *cough*

"What's wrong?" Hope asked.

Lightning took a deep breath and let out one last cough to produce a tiny red feather from between her lips.

"Wow," Hope commented as a chuckle brewed within his chest, "That was hilarious."

"You're a jerk," Lightning replied as she shoved his shoulder.

"And you're beautiful," He said as he pressed his lips on her forehead, "What got into you last night?"

"Me? You started it! What got into _you_?" She questioned as he continued to peck her with kiss after kiss.

"You didn't say no…" He replied as his kisses strayed down to her nape of her neck.

"Let me go shower already," She said, squirming within his grasp.

"Stay here."

"You just trying to get in my pants again."

"You're not wearing any."

"I don't like how I look or how I smell. I don't feel like it."

"Light, I thought this was what you wanted. Every day and every night… Besides, I love the way you smell and the way you look right now. How can I not?" He said as he pulled her underneath him, hand trailing down her thigh.

"Hope, please…"

Hope put his lips to her ear, brushing his lip against the lobe before whispering, "You make me crazy, Claire…"

Hope left her defenseless again. He had said it again: her name. Since she had given him permission to use it, Hope had slowly learned how to use that name to his advantage. She wanted him. As much as she was willing, there was something more desperate on her mind.

"Hope, please wait. I really need to just talk right now, okay?" She asked of him.

Hope could sense the seriousness of her voice.

"Claire? What's wrong?"

"Now that we are… you know…"

"We are what?" He asked.

"Well, you know… having…" She muttered.

"Sex?"

"Yeah…" She replied, "We are having sex… I need to ask you something."

Hope picked himself up from on top of her and laid at her side. He took her hand in his own and pressed his lips into her palm soothingly.

"Okay. I'm here. I'm listening," He reassured.

"Hope, I'm gonna go to an appointment with that doctor's office her in New Bodhum next week. After we move, I think I'm gonna go to the one in Academia too. I want what were are doing here to be the best of our efforts. It would mean the world to me if you would come with me."

"Oh…" Hope replied uneasily, "You want me there too? Like… are we gonna talk about having sex with the doctor and stuff?"

"Well, yeah. That's the idea. That's what they're there for. You know how much this means to me. Please, Hope…"

"Of course, of course," He said, "I'll be there. I promised I would. I'm just wrapping my hand around it…"

"Thank you," Lightning replied as she rolled onto her side, wrapping her arms around his waist. She curled herself against him and traced her fingers down the length of his arm.

"Hey, Light?" Hope asked as he stared blankly towards the ceiling above.

"Yeah?"

"I really, really want to get you pregnant; and I'm gonna mess you up doin' it."

Lightning nudged her clench fist into his side and snorted in laughter. Hope clutched at himself as she buried her knuckle into his rib and matched her puerile laughter with his own.

"You're gross, Hope."

* * *

"So?!" Fang asked again, "How was he?!"

"Yeah, ' _Mrs. Estheim_ '! Tell us!" Vanille followed.

"Hang on, hang on! She's getting there!" Serah assured her friends as she opened another bottle of wine, "Just give her a sec."

The girls were clustered around the carpet of the Oerbans' new living room floor with a freshly purchased wine glass set littered about between them except Serah.

"I don't know about this," Lightning said hesitantly as she traced the rim of her empty glass with her finger, "Is this why you invited me out over, Fang? If I had known that was all you wanted I would have never agreed to this, and I don't see how it's any of your business."

"Don't be like that, love," Fang replied with a smile draped across her face to match her intemperate questioning, "Besides, we never get to have any of you over."

"She's right," Vanille followed once again, "I wanna see you guys too! And not just when Serah needs a sitter either! Fang and I finally got a place of our own and we wanna have the gang over more often."

"Can't we talk about something else?" Lightning pleaded.

"Oh no, no, no! Lightning, you don't just get engaged with the boy you've been living with all these years and not say anything about it! Thank Etro you at least have the sense to keep Serah around. Heaven knows it ain't gonna be you keepin' us informed," Fang replied.

"Here," Serah said as she brought a fresh bottle of wine to her sister's empty glass, "This should loosen you up."

"Don't try to 'loosen me up', Serah. It's not going to work," Lightning asserted as she shooed her sister away from her glass.

"It's none short of a miracle however it is Hope does it," Fang said under her breath.

Fang, Serah, and Vanille all brought their glasses to their lips to hide their giddy little smiles and resided themselves to their squeals and laughter as Fang's words baited just the response she was after out of the soldier shooting death stares at the sly-tongued Pulsian.

"You watch it, Fang," Lightning chided coldly.

"I would have loved to," Fang retaliated.

As the girls' giggling erupted into bellied laughter, Lightning's already red face deepened into a powerful crimson full of embarrassment and rage.

"I'm leaving," Lightning stated.

"Wait! Sis, please! It's just a bit of fun," Serah tried to assure her sister.

"Yeah!" Vanille said, "She's just pokin' your buttons. Right, Fang?"

Fang was still rolling on the ground, arms clutched against her side as her incessant laughter robbed her of her breath and her face of its natural color.

* * *

"Hope, c'mon man. Don't go."

Hope paused as he turned away from their booth with the big fellow pawing at his sleeve.

"Don't listen to Snow, kid. You know better than that," Sazh said as he pulled out Hope's stool from under the table, "Just have a seat, okay?"

"Like I said before, I don't understand why we have to talk about this," Hope said as he sat back down in his seat, "You said this was important, Snow. I don't like going out to bars to talk about _that._ "

"It's something you _have_ to talk about! Right, Sazh?" Snow asked his older friend.

"Yeah, I don't know. I haven't had any woman troubles in a long time," Sazh replied, "And besides, you've been goin' on for a while about those two, Snow. I don't know what to believe anymore. Give the boy a chance to say his peace."

"Thank you, Sazh, for being mature about this, "Hope said.

"You got it kid," Sazh said with a smile, "So you still a virgin, or is what Snow's been sayin' all this time really true?"

"Aww c'mon, Sazh!" Hope whined, arms flailing in the air as he slumped onto the table, "Seriously?"

"As I understand it, you two have been doin' it for a while now," Sazh explained as he shot a labored stare at Snow, "Or you two are still waiting? Or you two just recently started? Which is it?"

"I really don't want to talk about this," Hope said.

"You know," Snow began, "It wasn't until pretty close to our wedding that Serah and I first started becoming intimate. If she's anything like her sister, has she demanded wedding bells yet?"

"Ugh…" Hope whimpered into his empty beer, "C'mon, Snow… Just let this go, okay? Be cool for once…"

"Hey! If you were old enough at the time, I woulda told you about me and Serah! Who am I supposed to share that with? Sazh?" Snow said.

"Throwin' all the punches today, huh," Sazh mumbled.

"Look, Snow," Hope began, "Just 'cuz we're guys, that doesn't mean we have to share in our 'conquests' as you so eloquently described."

"I said 'victories', remember?" Snow corrected him.

"Actually, Hope, the big-headed idiot here isn't _that_ far off," Sazh said.

"Seriously?" Hope asked.

Sazh nodded his head as Snow gripped the old man's shoulder and smiled contentedly.

"I'd been pining after Dajh's mother for years. I mean, I was hopeless about her. When I finally sealed the deal with her, I couldn't wait to tell all my friends," Sazh explained.

"You were worse, Hope, " Snow added.

"Really?" Hope asked, "About Lightning? I don't think I was that bad…"

"You were," Sazh affirmed, "I can tell you right now, kid. You were much, much worse."

"Just come out with it, Hope! It'll feel awesome to talk about it, man! Aren't you excited about it? I am! Details, kid! Details!" Snow exclaimed as he jabbed his friend's shoulder.

* * *

"Details, huh?" Lightning slurred as her third glass of wine began settling inside of her.

"Yeah, details please," Fang asked again from behind the wine glass at her lips, "Who came onto who? Is it true you wore a Chocalina costume?"

"Um…" Lightning mumbled and she twirled her thumbs, "Wait, how'd you know that?!"

"So you came on to him?!" Serah exclaimed,

"Uh… sometimes…" Lightning said, "Sometimes he's a little more forceful, and sometimes I have to take those steps."

"What about the dynamic? Is it like all lovey-dovey or is it more competitive?" Serah asked.

"What do you mean?" Lightning asked.

"Well…" Serah began as the girls hovered closer to her, "Sometime's Snow wants what he wants right? He gets all tender and needy, right? But then sometimes mama has her needs, you know? Sometimes I like to sneak up on him when he's alone when I'm wearing nothing but a bathrobe or a bed sheet and just go absolutely crazy. When I do it just right, he stands _no_ chance..."

Fang and Vanille clutched at each other intently as they absorbed her juicy gossip about their unknowing friend. Lightning, on the other hand, clung to her sister's every word like a misguided student attending a lecture for the first and only time the day before an exam.

"Does he like it?" Lightning asked meekly.

"Say again, sis?" Serah said as the group's attention directed back to the timid soldier.

"Being dominated like that…" She continued, "Does he like that?"

"Is that what you did to Hope?" Fang asked.

"No! No. I mean, it depends…" Lightning said, "The first time he-"

"First time?!" Vanille squealed, "What do you mean? Did you two do it more than once?"

"Light, you are a dog! Look at you!" Fang said excitedly.

"Quiet you two!" Serah commanded before turning back to her sister, "Sis, please continue. What did you want to know?"

"Well… At first, I came in on Hope, but after that, I just did every little thing he would tell me or go wherever he would lead me. I was unsure and insecure, but he was so willing to meet me where I was too afraid to continue. He pulled me onto his lap, he held me, he guided my every movement. After the first time, he became so fierce and powerful. He touched me and handled me like a prized piece of meat and made sure I was always completely exposed. I felt so used, so forced, so manipulated, and so overpowered that I lost all control. I went blank with these overwhelming feelings. It was the greatest experience I've ever had in my entire life," Lightning recounted to her bewildered friends.

The other three stared at her in silence. Serah clutched her hands together, lips quivering while Fang and Vanille's hands grasped tightly against each other.

"You… are a freak…" Fang said, the first the break the silence.

"Sis, how in the… Hope did this to you? Our little Hope did this to you?" Serah asked.

"At first," Lightning continued, "After the first couple of times he slowed down. I didn't want to stop so I kinda overpowered him…"

"Woah," Vanille said, "Turn-taking and costumes?"

"Yeah… How pent up were you two?" Fang asked.

* * *

"It was pretty bad," Hope said, "I couldn't control myself. She wore that damn outfit, and I just lost it. It was like I waited my entire life to take her that night…"

"I had no idea she could be so submissive," Snow replied.

"She was at first. She was so willing too. But once I started tiring, she took over. There was no pleasing that woman. No matter what I did or how many times I did it, she was never satisfied. Near the end of it, it was almost painful," Hope finished.

"Are you complaining about having too much sex?" Snow asked facetiously.

"Taking turns, huh?" Sazh said, eyebrow raised curiously now that things were finally becoming interesting, "So which did you like best?"

* * *

"The best feeling was the moment just before he finished ravishing me. I don't know how to describe it. I wanted him to finish me as badly as I wanted the night to never end," Lightning explained, "Every-" *hic* "Every touch, every movement, every word, every feeling he had felt like they were for the sole purpose of putting me underneath him for every ounce of his pleasure at every expense of my pain. It was the most amazing feeling I had in my entire life."

"Holy shit, sis…" Serah said, "Fang is right. You are a freak…"

"It's so strange hearing that from you," Vanille chimed, "You were always the most fearless of us all, and the strongest too. This is so dichotomous."

"And then what happened?" Serah asked, "Did you let him cum inside of you?"

The other two girls looked at the younger sister absolutely dumbstruck. They couldn't believe she would ask such a thing so quickly.

"Um…" Lightning muttered sheepishly as a reminiscent little smile crept to the sides of her lips, "Well… yeah. He didn't really give me much of a choice…"

"Was it awesome?!" Serah asked intrepidly, "It was awesome, right? It feels amazing, huh? It makes everything feel a million times more amazing, doesn't it?"

"It was… um…" Lightning began.

"Well?" Fang asked, "What's it like?"

"Yeah, I wanna know too," Vanille said.

"It was… It was…" Lightning managed, "It was…."

Lightning's audience leaned towards her and held their breaths in anticipation. The miracles of the wine were about to manifest, and they knew this was going to be a once in a lifetime experience.

"It was the greatest feeling ever," Lightning began, "You know how an orgasm feels? What I felt was a hundred times better. Something about it his death grip around me, the way he trapped my waist under his body when he pushed himself inside of me one last time… I was already where I wanted to be when it happened, but even still I could feel his explosion inside of me. I had already came, but the heat and the power that I could feel filling inside of me made cum again and again and again… Or maybe it just one long one… I don't really remember. Afterward, I was just so damn riled up for the rest of the night. I wanted more. I needed more. When he couldn't give any longer, I took what I needed until there was nothing left."

The room was left silent when Lightning had finished speaking. Serah had reached for a pillow from the couch behind her and was clutching it intensely against her waist as she leaned forward on her knees towards her sister. Fang was holding Vanille in her arms as the smaller girl stared up into the face of the bronze-skinned woman. Vanille's breathing was quick and desperate, her face as red as her hair. Fang rocked her hand up and down the side of Vanille's face in an attempt to sooth whatever turmoil that had brewed inside the girl and nearly driven her to tears.

Lightning slowly came back to her friends from out of her trance. Seeing their reactions made her doubt having shared as much as she did. The wine was wearing her down, and she could feel it.

"Fang…" Vanille whispered, "Could you help me? I feel kinda…"

"Now?" Fang whispered back, "Can't this wait?"

"It never does," She replied, "Please…"

"I'm gonna take Vanille to bed. She um… maybe drank too much… maybe…," Fang said after turning to address the pink haired sisters.

"Okay," Serah replied as she held her sister's chin with her one hand and dabbed Lightning's face with a damp paper towel with the other, "Light might be in the same boat. We can stay in the bedroom down the hall right?"

"Yeah, that's fine," Fang said.

"Where will you sleep?" Lightning asked, "There are only two bedrooms."

"Oh uh… Never mind that, Light. I'll make do," Came Fang's gawky reply.

Lightning keeled over, hands against her knees as the wine took more of her strength.

"I think I had one too many to drink," She said, "My head is starting to..."

"Okay, sis. Time to get moving," Serah said as she guided her older sibling toward the bedroom door.

Once they were beyond the door, Fang swept Vanille into her arms and carried her through their bedroom door across from their guests' room before closing the door with the heel of her foot. She placed the red-haired girl onto the sheets and stared down at her.

"Fang," Vanille whimpered with arms outreached into the air above, "Please…"

"Can't you wait? We have people over for the first time in the new place, and you want to do this?" Fang said, "What's gotten into you?"

"I thought I'd be more of a Hope, but I guess I'm more of a Lightning, huh?" Vanille said.

"I suppose you're right," Fang replied, "Though, I don't know that you like it nearly as much as she does."

"Well," Vanille said as she pushed her wrists underneath her body, "Maybe we're just not trying hard enough."

* * *

"Okay! Okay. Take it easy, okay?" Hope said, "I'm not-" *hic* "feeling so…"

"Sazh, you take his legs and I'll take his arms," Snow said.

"Hang on, hang on. This old man needs his breath," Sazh replied, hands down on his knees.

"We're like ten feet from his apartment door, just hang in there and help me get him to the couch."

Sazh grumbled his disapproval and rolled his eyes before complying.

Snow dragged his end of the white-haired body, fumbling through the boy's pockets for his keys.

"Got 'em," Snow said as he produced the keys victoriously.

He managed to get the door open just as Sazh dropped Hope's feet onto the ground.

"Wait… Wait… " Sazh panted.

Snow dragged Hope by his shoulders to the couch and sat against the armrest.

"Home stretch, Sazh. Grab his feet and help me swing him onto the couch," Snow said.

Sazh limped his way towards the two and grabbed his feet again.

"On three," Snow began, "One… Two… Three!"

In one swift motion, the older two swung Hope's body up and onto the couch inducing a painful writhe out of the boy.

"Holy shit, my head…" Hope whined.

"Turn him onto his side," Sazh said as he brought his hands on his head, "I'm gonna head home before you two get in any more trouble. I left Dajh to fend for himself amongst Nora and company."

"Okay, get outta here old man before you hurt yourself," Snow replied as the apartment door closed behind Sazh.

"Thanks, Snow," Hope said.

"You better be grateful," Snow replied, "You're a lot heavier than you used to be."

"Not that. I mean about Lightning," Hope continued, "You listened to me whine about her for all these years."

"Yeah, well, that probably won't change," Snow said, "You'll still have your problems."

"You think so?" Hope asked, "I'd like to think she and I are in a pretty good place right now."

"Listen to you," Snow said as he plopped himself on the ground by the couch, "You spend one night together and now you two are the poster children for a perfect couple? Believe you me, kid, you're still gonna come crashing on me and Serah when you two get into it now and again."

"You think so?" Hope asked again.

"Or her. Whoever is more upset," Snow replied, "But that'll all change after she gets pregnant. A whole different world my friend…"

"Yeah… Maybe one day… I hope," Hope said.

"You just keep doing what you're doing kid."

"Please don't tell Lightning I went out with you two and got drunk. She didn't even want me to go until Serah invited her out with the girls."

"Yeah, I know all about that. Don't worry, kid."

"Yeah… She…" Hope trailed.

Snow picked himself up from the floor and made his way toward the door. He turned back one more time before stepping away.

"And one more thing, Hope. When you are-"

*Zzzzzzzzzzzz…..*

Snow put one foot out the door and paused to look at the sleeping boy's face. Hope dawned a picture perfect smile of contentment as his gentle snores resonated throughout the room. Snow took one more moment to speak before shutting the door behind him.

"Just… close your windows next time. Your neighbors will appreciate it."


	20. Whitefish

 

**prince_fiend: Thx! I'm glad you're having a good time with this one! I hope you will keep on reading!**

**makotosmermaid: I did my best to bring out some humor from the Lightning and Fang duo. I was hoping it worked out, and I am glad you think it did. I'll see what I can keep doing with that :)**

**20**

**Whitefish**

"I'm up! I'm up!" Hope said as he jolted himself from the edge of the couch and onto the floor, "I'm coming! Just hang on a sec."

He put his hands underneath him and drew a careful, deep, slow breath as he pushed with everything he had. Once he had put enough distance between himself and the floor, he drew one knee to his chest, planting his foot flat against the dry carpet. Finally on his feet, he took one gentle step toward to door as he clutched his stomach to gauge just how quickly he could move without overly nauseating himself.

*Kock* *Knock*

"I heard, I heard! Hang on!" Hope answered back to his front door.

*BANG* *BANG* *BANG*

Hope took his last step toward the door and wrestled it open.

"What the hell-" Hope screamed.

A hand pressed against his face, interrupting him. The hand took him by the face and pushed him aside as he stumbled back into the wall behind him.

"Stop yelling," Lightning said as she shuffled her way past him and through the threshold of the door, "It too early for that…"

"Why the banging?" He asked, "Don't you have your keys on you?"

"No… I don't. I drank too much at Vanille and Fang's and took a cab home. I drove Serah there so she's gonna drive my car back here and have Snow pick her up and take her home," Lightning replied.

Hope picked himself off the floor once more, groaning in the process, and made his way to their small kitchen. He reached up into the cupboard above him for grounds and filters before turning toward their coffee maker.

"You want any?" Hope asked as he filled the reservoir with water at the sink.

Lightning eased herself onto the couch and closed her eyes as her head rested against the armrest.

"Just keep it coming," She replied.

After Hope had turned on the coffee maker, he made his way toward the couch and planted himself next to her. When he sat down, he jostled the half asleep, older girl next to him.

"Careful, careful…" She warned, "You're making my head hurt."

"I'm sorry," Hope replied as he wrapped his arms around her waist and tucked his head into her shoulder.

"What did you boys do?" She asked.

"We just talked," Hope answered, "What did you guys do at Fang and Vanille's?"

"We talked."

"Okay."

There was a brief silence before Hope spoke again.

"What about?" He asked.

"Nothing."

"Okay."

There was another brief silence, this time being Lightning's turn.

"What did you guys talk about?" She asked.

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Just some stuff. No big deal," Hope replied.

"Are you sure? With Snow, it's always something," She said.

"I'm gonna go get the coffee," Hope said as he peeled himself away from the couch and made his way back to the small kitchen.

Lightning remained glued to the couch, head resting on the armrest.

"You'd tell me, right?" She asked unsurely.

"Tell you what?" Hope replied.

"If what you guys were talking was important, you'd tell me, right?"

"Tell you what," Hope began, "You tell me what you guys talked about, and I'll share what we talked about after you do."

"Forget it," She said as she curled her legs towards her chest, pouting.

* * *

On the shore of Gran Pulse was a quiet, peaceful little town. Its residents were charming, brutally endearing, and too often mischievous. When the Guardian Corps had finally established a presence on Gran Pulse, he had requested station as close to the town as possible. Despite his short time there, he the loved the people, its name, its food, and he had made it his new home as it was just a train ride from work. For the past week or so, he had made it his mission to have lunch at his favorite little cafe. Today was one of those days.

Today, he wore simple clothing. Baggy shorts and a loose t-shirt hung from his body as his bare toes embraced the sandy beach below his feet with every step. A smile broke free across his face as he approached the steps of the cafe. A larger building, larger than would suggest a mere cafe, and an open doorway greeted him.

Once inside, he was greeted by a familiar face. Below her friendly face, her slim body was adorned with a loose fitting long sleeve shirt that hung loosely about her shoulders. Her legs were well exposed, not a usual characteristic of a beach goer, with a sparse attempt at a skirt hanging from her left hip. She stood behind the counter of the cafe's bar as she dazedly wiped its surface to the left and to the right.

"Hey, Merral. The usual?" Lebreau asked from behind the counter.

"You know it," Merral said as he sat courtside across from his host.

"Hey, Yuj," Lebreau said towards the seating area behind Merral, "Tell 'em another whitefish for me, yeah?"

"You got it," The blue-haired boy replied as he made his way to the back, "Hey, Merral."

"Hey, Yuj," Merral said back.

"Can I get you started off with a drink?" Lebreau asked.

"Sure. Orange juice," Merral replied.

"You got it, soldier," She said.

Once she had ducked into the back to retrieve a fresh carton, a larger man who was sitting with Yuj in the dining area approached the bar.

"Been comin' in her quite a bit recently," The broad-shouldered, blonde-haired man said.

"Sorry?" Merral said as he turned to his guest.

"Snow," He said, extending a hand and a smile, "My name is Snow. You are?"

"Merral," He replied, "I apologize if I have I been a bother?"

"Not at all," Snow replied as he took a seat next to him, "We don't get many regulars here… or anyone at all for that matter. What's your story then, kid?"

"I'm a soldier for the corps. I was recently stationed at the base not too far from here."

"Oh?" Snow asked with a raised eyebrow, "I have some family with the GC. They work out there too, coincidentally enough. Don't get to see them around here very much. Glad to have you, though. A soldier goes a long way around here."

"Thank you, sir. Do you own this place?" Merral asked.

"Hmm… Kinda. It belongs to NORA," Snow replied.

"NORA? Hm…" Merral said, now deep in thought, "Hey! Like in those stories? The NORA that fought Sanctum and built New Bodhum? That NORA?"

"Uh.. yeah I suppose that's us," Snow said chuckling, now noticing his new friends change of demeanor to one of excitement.

"Does that mean you're Snow, the Hero of the Resistance?" Merral asked eagerly.

"I used to be," Snow replied, "That's what I called myself anyhow. I can't say I was much of a hero, though."

"What makes you say that?" Merral asked.

"My friend… well my brother, really," Snow began, "I was careless. I was reckless, and my actions cost him someone he shouldn't have had to live without. For the longest time, I was too stupid to realize it. It wasn't until much later that I realized just how much I hurt him."

"That's… very honest of you, sir," Merral said.

Snow picked himself up from his seat and strode behind the bar.

"It was killing him inside. I know that now," Snow said as he relieved a bottle of booze from under the bar and placed it on the counter.

"Do you still see him?" Merral asked.

"Of course! He's marrying my sister-in-law after all. I've done everything in my power to be the kind of brother he deserves. I love him very much, but the pain is still there. I can see it," Snow said.

"He's lucky to have a brother like you, sir," Merral replied.

Snow reached behind him and took a glass from behind the counter and poured himself a glass.

"It's barely noon," Lebreau said as she came back to the counter, "Already with that stuff, Snow? Didn't you learn anything from last night?"

"I'm just easing into a sober tomorrow. You can't just nosedive out of a night like that," Snow said jokingly.

"Whatever you say," Lebreau replied before setting down Merral's whitefish lunch.

"What about you?" Snow asked his new friend, "You got any family?"

"I did," Merral said as he nursed his orange juice between his hands, "My father was PSICOM years ago and my brother was Calvary. I don't see them anymore though."

"Oh?" Lebreau asked, "They live back on Cocoon or something?"

"No… actually my father was executed by Sanctum while trying to defect during the resistance. My brother was part of the team that tried to infiltrate Edenhall and overthrow Sanctum. He was turned into a Cie'th," Merral explained.

"I'm so sorry…" Lebreau said, "I shouldn't have pried like I had. It wasn't my place."

"It's okay," Merral said, forcing a smile and he plunged a fork into his meal, "They died like heroes. They were the reasons why I joined the Guardian Corps in the first place."

"Now they sound like _real_ heroes," Snow added as he placed a hand on Merral's shoulder, "I wish I had the sense and nobility they did back when it could have really mattered."

"Thanks, Snow," Merral replied, "It means a lot hearing that. I'm sure they would have really appreciated someone like you."

"So tell us more about you," Lebreau said, "What exactly do you do in the Guardian Corps?"

"I'm a Corpsman," Merral said.

"Hey! That's awesome! My brother-in-law is a Corpsman too!" Snow exclaimed.

"Yeah? That is cool!" Merral said, "What's he like?"

"He's um… unique," Snow said, "He's a really good guy, but he is rather… sui generis."

"Got that right! That's a nice way of putting it. He used to be teary-eyed like twenty-four seven! He and that 'older women' were glued to each other too. Remember the wedding? Oh! Remember that time at the beach! That was hilarious," Lebreau added with a juvenile wink towards Snow.

"Hey! He and sis are stronger than ever! They were meant to be!" Snow said.

"You know, you kept saying that. Didn't they just get together like within the past week or something?" Lebreau asked.

"I would argue that they've been together this whole time, and I don't think anyone has the right to take anything away from that," Snow said with his arms crossed and chin held high, "Don't tell me you haven't seen how he doted on her since he met her, and she let him! What does that tell you?"

"That they're both just as confusing," Lebreau answered, "I bet you wish Serah would dote on you half as much as he dotes on her."

"Yeah yeah, whatever you say," Snow said, dismissing her with a hand in her face, "Speaking of Serah, I gotta go pick her up from Light's place."

"See you later," Lebreau said as Snow made his way to the front doors.

"It was good to meet you, Snow," Merral called out to the man.

Snow threw his hand in the air and waved back to the two without turning back to face them as he passed through the threshold of the door and beyond the sight of the bar.

 _Did he say Light's place?_ Merral thought.

"So, you married?" Lebreau asked.

"Wha-? Me? Oh, dear Etro no. No, ma,am," Merral stumbled.

"Got a girlfriend then?"

"I… I do not," Merral replied, "What uh… What's with all the questions?"

"Hm…" Lebreau said, hands on her hips, "I was thinking maybe you should spend less time in this place and more time out there chasing your youth."

"Oh, I'm done with that life," Merral said, "I want to just live out the rest of my days in peace and quiet."

"Yeah? You sound like an old man," Lebreau teased, "So you're just gonna waste your days here and not try to meet anyone or do anything?"

"Well…" Merral began as his pair of eyes strayed up to the pair of eyes looking back at him from behind the bar, "I don't think being here with you is a waste…"

"Oh…" Lebreau mumbled as her face grew into a light red, "So… you're saying that… um…"

"You're the first friend I made since I moved out here. Hell, you're the first friend I've had since… well, for a long time. It feels good to feel accepted by someone again," Merral explained with a smile.

"Oh! I see!" Lebreau replied as a smile grew across her face, "Well, thanks."

"What's up? Did I say something wrong?" Merral asked.

"No, it's okay. I was just a bit relieved is all. I thought that… well… never mind what I thought," She said.

"It's just that since my family passed and all that purge stuff, my life was really crazy for a while. I bounced around from roof to roof for a while until I was able to enlist. Now that I have a job, and a sense of direction, I just want to eat good food and live a peaceful life," Merral said.

"How do you do it, though?" Lebreau asked, "You lost your brother, your dad, and the security in your life. What about the resentment and the pain?"

"One day at a time, I guess. Hell, you fought in the resistance. How is it you are the way you are now?" Merral replied.

"I had my friends. I had Nora. We had each other, and as long as we had each other I knew I would always have a home. When we came to New Bodhum with the Farron sisters back with us, and all of the new additions to the family like Sazh and Vanille, I felt like we didn't miss a beat. Our family was bigger, stronger, and happier than ever before. I wouldn't have it any other way," Lebreau said.

"Wow, that was… beautiful," Merral replied, "Your family is very lucky to have you."

"Thanks, Merral. That's really sweet of you to say," Lebreau said.

"What about you, then? Do you have a boyfriend? Girlfriend?" Merral asked.

"Oh? Um…" Lebreau stammered as she glanced behind Merral towards the seating area where Yuj had reclaimed his seat.

"Hm?" Merral said as he glanced behind him, tracing her line of vision to the pile of blue hair, "Oh… I get it."

"No! No, I'm serious. That's not what I… I mean…"

"So you two… You don't-"

"I do! I mean, I…" Lebreau stammered, sighing at her loss for words.

"Okay, okay. You don't have to force anything," Merral assured.

"I… I mean, yes. I do… like Yuj… But he doesn't know. He doesn't care, either. All he cares about is his fashion and that damn cat," Lebreau said into her chest solemnly.

"Oh yeah? You really think that?" Merral asked.

"Look at him!" Lebreau exclaimed as she pointed a finger in Yuj's direction, "He's always over there with his sketchbook and stuff far from me and the bar."

Yuj looked up at the bar as her loud voice reached his side of the room. His eyes met hers and as he cast a confused look in her direction. Lebreau yanked her arm down and frantically withdrew her embarrassed gaze away from him.

"You tend to this place, right? What about Yuj?"

"He has his own work, the fashion and stuff."

"I'm in here a lot, right?" Merral asked.

"Yeah," Lebreau said, "More than anyone else."

"Whenever I come in, Yuj is already here and he is still here when I leave. I would say he spends more time in here than I do. He doesn't eat the food here, so the food isn't his reason."

"He comes here to work, maybe," Lebreau said.

"Yeah, maybe. I see he brings some sketchbooks and materials, but he never touches them. He just sits at the tables across from the bar and faces the counter," Merral continued.

"What are you saying?" Lebreau asked.

"I think he's here because you are. He has to like you worth something."

"But he's always over there. If he likes me, why doesn't he come over here?"

"Why don't you ever go over to him?" Merral asked.

"Why don't I ever do what?" Yuj asked as he appeared from behind Merral.

"Hey!" Lebreau stammered, "Don't do that!"

Yuj's unannounced approach had scared Lebreau out of her skin and left her face as red as a booze induced flush. She clenched her hands together and tried to control her trembling toes from under the bar.

At that moment, Merral felt a buzzing in his pocket. He explored his pocket with his hand, producing his cell phone.

"Sorry," He said as he stared down at the screen, "It's work. I gotta go. Thanks for the food."

"See ya again soon?" Yuj asked.

"You know it!" Merral replied has he placed some gil on the counter and made his way toward the doors.

Once Merral was out of sight, Yuj decided to pester Lebreau about her outburst.

"Did I do something, Lebreau?" He asked, "Why were you so mad at me?"

"I wasn't mad," Lebreau said into her shoulder.

"Okay... Did you want to talk to me about something? I really don't know what's going on?"

"No, Yuj. If you don't get it by now, then forget it," Lebreau demanded.

"Okay then… I guess I'll just start getting ready to head home then. I'll um… see you tomorrow," Yuj replied with an almost hurt look on his face as he traced Merral's steps towards the door.

Lebreau frantically made her way from behind the counter towards the middle of the room to catch up to Yuj before reaching her hand out to grasp at his shoulder.

"Wait, Yuj!" She said, "Just wait, okay? I'm sorry."

"Are you gonna at least tell me what's going on?" Yuj asked as he turned to face her.

"Yeah… okay," Lebreau answered reluctantly, "No matter what I say, please take me seriously. Okay?"

Yuj nodded.

* * *

"Hey, Hope," Merral said, "You don't look so good. Are you still recovering?"

"Hey Merral. No, my shoulder is about ninety percent there. I just had a long night," Hope replied.

"Did you go celebrating another day alive?" Merral teased as he made a cup-to-mouth motion.

"Yeah, you could kinda say that…" Hope said as he slumped his way to the command building, coffee in hand.

"You gotta take that stuff easy, man. Now you gotta report in looking like that."

"I know, I know," Hope said, sighing as he shuffled a pair of cheap sunglasses up to his face, "Just with the transfer and the injury, I didn't think the GC was going to call me in."

"When is the transfer finalized?" Merral asked.

"In another week or so. It supposedly takes a while before the transfer is processed and someone comes to me to deliver my new designation and orders. Until then, I'll still be around."

"How about the Warrant Officer? When is she leaving here?"

"You mean Lightning?" Hope said, "Same time table with her as well I think. She reported to the command building a while ago.

"Any idea what this is all about?" Merral asked.

"No idea. I just know we gotta be right here on base in front of command in ten minutes to receive orders," Hope replied, "At least that's what the voicemail said."

"You think it's another short-term deployment?"

"I hope not," Hope said as he nursed his shoulder with his hand, "God, I hope not."


	21. Weakness

**Opheline - Thank you so much for your continued support. I can't even begin to apologize for how long this had taken. This chapter is darker, but for now, I gotta power through their troubles before their love can blossom again. Thanks for reading!**

**Prince_fiend - Thanks for your investment! I really appreciate your support. Sorry for taking so long with this one**

**Kumokubo - That's exactly how I feel with these characters! I'm so glad my attempts to give them that cute appeal met your expectations. :) You are awesome!**

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**EVERYONE - Thank you so much for all of your support and readership. I know it has taken me FOREVER to update, but I promise I had a good reason! I just finished applying to BSN programs and got into one at my local university (I don't have to travel and I can write more- yay!). Warm Embrace had come a long way and we are nearing its end :( It's okay! Hope, Lightning, and gang will still be around! Thank you to everyone for such overwhelming feedback on my story Broken Souls. I was so scared to write that one (given its nature) but a TON of people have reached out to me and shared their love. Thanks again! Love you guys!**

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**21**

**Weakness**

Lightning took her time to breathe in. The air smelled and nearly even tasted like the shine and polish that coated the floors, walls, and brass throughout the building. Despite the unpleasantry of each inhale, she took even longer to breathe out. Long ago, her military training dictated slow, easy breathing. She knew the risks, the stories, and the horrors of the life she led that had been pioneered by countless soldiers before her. She had never been afraid of these things. Death did not faze her. Pain did not burden her. Fear did not suffocate her. However, for Warrant Officer Lightning Farron, no day as a Soldier scared her more than today.

Lightning stood and pressed her hands down over dress uniform from her collar to the hem of her blouse. She paced away from her chair towards a glass door opposite from her on the other side of the hall. She took another careful, deep breath as she examined her brass. Each pip and insignia that marred her symmetrical uniform appeared to be deeply blackened within even texture throughout their surfaces. Her Guardian Corps plate flanked her left shoulder, the only piece to violate the uniformity of her symmetry. She ran her hands down the lengths of her arms to flatten any missed wrinkles or folds her iron had left behind, imaginary or not.

As painful as it was the take in each breath, they burned a thousand times hotter as they were released. The air in this building especially burned her lungs. The air did not reek of fire, discharged ammunition, or blood. It was clear. It was fresh, and it was toxically smooth. Lightning exhaled and clenched her fists as the air burned through her mouth and past her lips.

She paced back to her seat and paused a few feet away from the feet of the back-breakingly stiff chair. Just to its right was a door. The frame of the door was a hard aluminum housing an opaque center. At the center of the cloudy glass read these simple words:

Office of the Guardian Corps

Auxiliary Headquarters

Eden

After staring at the door for an excruciating half of a minute, Lightning sat back in the chair and closed her eyes. She did her best to calm herself and allow her mind to recall what exactly had happened. Things did not go well, to say the least. Her mind searched for answers to questions as she tried to remember each detail. Mistakes were made: mistakes she made. She wasn't an incompetent soldier. She was intelligent enough to know that she shared a great deal of the responsibility, if not all of it.

Her ear perked at the sound of a footstep from the other side of the door. Unsure if she had truly heard anything, she quieted her mind to listen for another. When the other footstep came, louder this time, she straightened in her chair and did her best to steady her shaking hands. A third footstep produced a small bead of sweat just under the brow of her immaculate pressed hair underneath the cap of her dress uniform.

Lightning held her breath as the door slowly swung open. Lightning stood at attention to the presence of the figure who stood before her. He was no older than she with single bars flanking each side of his collar. Compared to the fresh, young officer with considerably less experience than she, Lightning's presence intimidated him.

He took a moment to gather himself and cleared his throat before speaking. "Warrant Officer Farron, cor-correct?"

Lightning stood and snapped to attention, her heel clicking against the marble floor below her feet.

"Present as requested, sir," She said to the young officer.

He gestured through the door with his hand. "They're ready for you now."

"Understood."

Lightning stepped past him and through the threshold of the door. As she did, the young man closed the door behind her gently and took a standing position between her and the door. Lightning's boots clicked against the marble as her feet carried her body forward. Inside the door was a grand hall. The ceiling was nearly thirty meters high and littered with fascinatingly complex light fixtures that painted the inside of the hall a blinding white. The walls to her left and to her right were several meters away from her. As she pushed forward, she could see an elongated oak desk with with several individuals sitting at it opposite of her. Just in front of the desk was a metal chair. The desk and chair's austere contrast to the otherwise nakedness of the hall's state of furnishing only furthered her anxiety.

After what had felt like an eternity, and an eternity too soon, she stood at the metal chair facing those who sat before her. A man at the center of the desk stood and gestured towards the uncomfortable chair.

"Have a seat, Warrant Officer. We will begin shortly."

Lightning did as she was told and sat down slowly, releasing her held breath as she did.

The man took his seat before speaking. "Thank you for coming on short notice, Warrant Officer Farron. I am Lieutenant Colonel Obraget, and to my left and right are Major Mavot and Captain Zilla, who you already know. We are here as an as-needed review committee in light of the recent events you and your platoon were involved in. We are also here to determine the status of your command integrity as a Warrant Officer of the Guardian Corps in regards to your relationship to your enlisted subordinates. In this case, a Corporal Hope Estheim. Do you understand the reasons as to which you are here today?"

Lightning nodded as a raspy huff escaped her throat. "Yes, s-sir."

"Then let's begin. Warrant Officer Farron, in your own words, please describe to this board the events leading up to and of the incident occurring two days ago in Pulsian Sector 115, Oerba."

Lightning steadied her breathing and closed her eyes. As she released her breath once again, she opened her eyes and looked unwaveringly forward as her first words left her lips.

* * *

Hope and Merral huddled together in their airship as they tried to sort their gear. After they had arrived on base, they had noticed that only less than twenty men or so, Lightning included, had reported in. Hope was relieved in this sense as whatever job the GC had called them in for only required about a platoon instead of the Academia incident which had summoned the entire company. Unfortunately, as soon as Lightning came out of the command building, the only light on being Captain Zilla's office, everyone scrambled to the armory and to the single airship that was readied for service. Hope and Merral grabbed what they needed in their arms and ran to the airship before they had a chance to sort whose gear belonged to who and put it on. Now, like nearly everyone else on the airship, Hope and Merral were huddled together on the floor sifting through their gear as Lightning paced back and forth.

Merral cast a curious look at Hope, nudging him to get his attention. "Hope, what's with her?"

"What do you mean?" Hope returned Merral's curiousness with an equal expression.

"She keeps staring at you while she wrings the hem of her coat in her hands. She looks kinda pissed. You should do something. Did you do something? I thought you two were… you know."

"We're what?!" Hope asked a little too forcefully.

"Friends… Like, you know, from years ago… You okay man?"

Hope settled back into a more calm expression "Oh, right. Sorry."

"It's cool, man. But maybe you should go talk to her. She doesn't look too good." Merral maintained the suggestion despite Hope's initial outburst.

"Yeah, I'll be right back," Hope replied as he stood and made his way towards her.

When she noticed him approach, Lightning dropped her hands to her side and adopted a more decided stance.

"Get your gear together and get ready to move out. Once we land, you will receive orders to-"

"Yeah, I know, Light- I mean Lightning," Hope interrupted as he glanced behind him to see if anyone had noticed his informality, "Can we talk?"

"About?" She asked.

Hope dropped his voice to a whisper and leaned closer. "You don't look pleased. You're staring at me. Did I do something?"

Lightning's face turned cherry red as she crossed her arms in front of her. "I'm sorry, Hope. I didn't realize I was staring."

"I get that, but what's going on with you? Is it something I did? Because I'll do anything to fix it, you know that." Hope whispered as he cupped his hand on her arm.

Lightning sighed. "It's nothing, Hope. Just go get ready and try to rest a little bit."

"I thought we were gonna be honest with each other."

Lightning was becoming irritated. "Hope, I'm serious. Everything is fine."

Hope refused to accept her words and took another step toward her. "Light, don't do this. Not right now. I'm only trying to-"

"I was thinking about you, okay?!" Lightning said a little more loudly than a simple whisper. She cleared her throat and lowered her voice, her face reflecting frustration instead of embarrassment. "I was thinking about you, and looking at you, and I got a little excited so I was trying to calm down. It happens sometimes so will you please just let this go? I really don't want to talk about this here."

Hope stared at her, his words trickling from his lips. "I'm… sorry…"

At that moment, Hope realized that this wasn't the first time she had looked at him like this. She had done so many times at home over the years, and maybe even once or twice when they were together during their days as l'Cie. He remembered asking her about it before as well, but only now felt he was in a position to truly pursue an answer.

Behind him, he could hear an almost inaudible giggle. It was faint, but definitely not imagined. The white noise of chatter died nearly immediately as all eyes were on them now. It became obvious to Lightning and Hope that they weren't the only ones who had heard it. Lightning and Hope dropped their arms and stepped away from each other at the sound of the laugh. They both looked around the bay of the airship only to be met by curious eyes and inquisitive looks. Hope retreated back to his friend and their pile of gear while Lighting turned towards the pilot's door.

"Hey, Hope..." Merral eased, "You two gotta cool it a little. People might get the wrong idea."

Hope ignored him and continued to pack his gear together.

* * *

"And that's all that happened between you two?" The Lt. Colonel asked.

Lightning's reply came firmly. "Yes, sir. It's as I have said, sir. We-"

Major Mavot raised a hand in the air to stop her. The Major's blue eyes penetrated Lightning. The Major was the only other woman in the hall, and she was just as strong willed as Lightning was.

"Farron, we've heard from you already about the nature of your relationship with Corporal Estheim and we thank you for your honesty. We understand that you two live together and that you have done so for a while now. We understand that you are also close to his father as well. Captain Zilla has done his best to explain things to me, but I have been using young Estheim's and your age as a basis for this understanding. If you could please clarify the exact nature of the relationship to this board, that would speed things along."

This was the last thing she wanted to talk about. Lightning's legs crossed together as her hands struggled to find a comfortable position in her lap. "We're… engaged, ma'am."

"Sir is fine, Farron."

"Yes, sir."

"How long have you two been engaged?"

"Well, sir, we uh…"

"Not long then?"

"No, sir."

"Are you two in a sexual relationship?"

Lightning clutched at her chest, her hands desperately trying to keep the air in her lungs. "Y-yes, sir."

It was Captain Zilla's turn to interject. "Major, if we could allow Miss Farron to finish, I'm sure you would be-"

The Major raised her hand to silence the Captain before continuing. "How long have you two been romantically involved?"

"Well, sir, we've… that's not easy to answer I think… until recently we hadn't understood it well but it's been awhile since we first-"

"I understand," The Major stated.

Lightning was absolutely shocked by her words. "Y-you do?"

"I do understand. Mutual feelings and spoken word do not always begin and end together," The Major said as she threaded her own fingers together, "A better question would probably be this: How long have you two been living together?"

Lightning replied too quickly and thoughtlessly. Even before the last word had escaped her mouth, she instantly regretted them. "Since he was fourteen."

The Major made no reply. Instead, she directed her attention to her pen and a pad of paper before her. She remained silent as her pen made audible tracings up and down the length of the paper. Lightning stared desperately at her moving fingers in an attempt to decipher the words she was putting down on paper. Several moments passed before she stopped, placed her pen down, and directed her attention back to the superior officer at the center of the desk. When she did, Lightning gripped the seat beneath her fiercely as she silently cursed her own name and her thoughtlessness.

"My apologies for interrupting Lt. Colonel. Please continue," The major said calmly.

The Lt. Colonel faced Lightning again with a different line of questioning. "After your platoon arrived in PS115, Oerba, please describe to us the events of brief enemy contact that lead to death of your Corpsman. For your sake, Warrant Officer, please be honest and do not spare a detail."

* * *

"I don't get it," Merral began, "Why did we have to land two kilometers from this place and trudge all the way here? What are we are we trying to hide from? This place is practically deserted."

Hope raised his canteen to his lips and lowered it again. "I don't know either. Oerba was deserted the last time I was here. Lightning had been here too. My guess is that we're here because the GC thinks someone else is too."

"Take it easy with that stuff. You're gonna run outta water before we leave. You feeling okay?"

Hope shook his head. "Not really. My shoulder still hurts and-"

"Stop talking and keep your eyes open," Lightning interrupted.

Hope and Merral did their best to quiet themselves as they brought up the rear of the platoon while Lightning took point in the front.

Hope cast a confused glance to his friend. "Where are all the people? I thought the Academy relocated some settlers and a research team to Oerba a few years ago."

"Oh?" Merral whispered back, "That's news to me."

"I may have been wrong but-"

Merral charged ahead of Hope before he could finish. He ran ahead to the front of the platoon and addressed Lightning.

"Sir! Do you see the structure to the right of us?" Merral directed to his superior.

"What the hell are you doing out of formation?! Get back in line and don't-"

"Sir!" Came a voice from the middle of the formation, "To the right, sir!"

Lightning took the needed second urging and looked to the right of her. She and her platoon stood amidst the main street of what appeared to be an abandoned village. The buildings that flanked either side of them were in ruins and stood in pieces. At the far side of them of the main street stood a small tower. About a fifty meters ahead Lightning in the upper floor of the ruins of a half-standing building was what appeared to be a man and a woman with a young girl.

Lightning turned to her platoon and began directing her men to break up her platoon into several fireteams. She assigned the platoon's sergeant to her and placed Merral in the forward fireteam as support while delegating Hope to the very rear again for sake of his condition, much to his disproval.

"Merral! Go see who those people are."

"Aye, sir," Merral replied as he pushed forward toward the building.

Lightning turned to her sergeant to discuss their situation. "Sergeant, what do you think? Researchers? Settlers?"

"I don't know," The sergeant replied, "If so, where is everyone else?"

The two watched Merral run towards the building and out of sight as he searched the interior for stairs. He reappeared on the upper floor, nearly startling the family.

"Sir!" Merral's calling in the distance disrupted them. "They said they're part of a research group from the Academy!"

Lightning yanked her radio from her belt and pushed it up to her lips. "Use your radio, Corpsman. You're making a ton of noise."

After a few moments, her radio spoke back to her. "Yes, sir. Sorry, sir. They are part of the research group assigned by the Academy to Oerba. It was a long term assignment so they brought their family."

"Where is everyone else?" Lightning asked.

"They keep saying something about an attack by Sanctum, or people who looked like Sanctum. There was a partial evacuation during the attack, but they were too under-equipped and under-vehicled to get everyone out."

"Are they hurt?"

"No, sir."

"Get back here then. We will call it in and have an evac come…" Lightning stopped speaking into her radio as her eyes refocused on Merral's figure now approaching her. "Merral, what the hell are you doing?!"

Lightning could see Merral walking hand in hand with the young child as he approached his platoon. He was about twenty meters or so ahead of Lightning before he called back to her.

"Her parents asked us to take her with us! They don't want to wait for an extraction before they can get her back to the Academy!"

"Corpsman! Stop right there!"

Merral did as he was told and stood cold twenty meters away from his commander. "Sir?"

"Go return that girl now!"

"But, sir!"

"Do it now, Corpsman!"

"Sir, the right thing to do is to get her to safety!"

Lightning and her sergeant commandingly approached Merral and his rescued companion. Once Lightning was within a few meters of him, she ran forward and took the girl by the arm and presented it to her sergeant.

"Sergeant, return this girl back to those people."

Merral continued to protest. "Sir! It's the right thing to do and you know that!"

Lightning returned her god-like gaze to the Corpsman and forced a commanding tone. "We're not here to do the right thing! You will follow fucking orders! Fall back! Now!"

"Sir! Just listen to-"

Merral collapsed to the ground, the dirt beneath his feet kicking up into the air before he fell to the ground. His pleas were interrupted by a deafening cracking that echoed through the quiet walls of the abandoned buildings. The thunder-like noise rang through Lightning's ears as well as her entire platoon.

Several voices within the platoon rang out into the sudden chaos, Lightning's voice included. "CONTACT!"

Hope followed suit of the Soldiers in front of him and threw himself onto the ground and tucked himself into the side of a building. He crawled forward, his weapon tucked to his chest, positioning himself behind a fallen pillar. Everything out of sight, Hope could only hear the shuffling of bodies, the stirring of dirt, and macabre pleas of his fallen friend.

Lightning and her sergeant, the young girl in tow, retreated behind of the building on the left side of the street, leaving Merral alone in the center of the road.

"Did you see the tower at the end of the road?" The sergeant asked as the young girl hid behind him, "That's where it had to of come from."

Lighting clutched at the sides of her head in unforgiving frustration. "I didn't see it."

"I'd say four-fifty, maybe five-hundred meters," The sergeant continued, "That's a shot you can make, sir."

"I didn't see it…" Lightning continued to stir in her internal turmoil as she pressed her back against the wall and fell to the ground.

"I understand, sir, but we need you to make a decision," The sergeant said as she knelt down to her.

After several moments, Lightning produced her weapon from her side, took a deep breath, and nodded. The sergeant took the girl further behind the building as Lightning laid flat to the ground and began to crawl forward to the edge of the building. As she inched forward, her radio called to her again.

"Lightning, do you see him?" Her radio asked.

"Hope? Get off comms. Stay where you are, Hope." She replied back.

"Do you see him? Where's he hit, Lightning?" His voice was more desperate this time, "I can get to him. Cover me and I can get to hi"

"Hope, just stay where you are until I give you an order."

"Can you hear him Light? I can do this!"

"Hope, stay there!"

Lightning peeked her head around the building, meeting the eyes of her fallen subordinate.

His radio and weapon tossed a few feet from his body, Merral called out to her. "Help me up, sir. I can walk."

Lightning put her lips up to her radio again. "Can you hear me? Merral, I see you. Keep your head down. Don't move. You're drawing attention."

Merral reached into his coat pocket and produced a bundle of papers. He forced his words between labored breaths as blood seeped from his red-soaked coat sleeve and into the dirt beneath him.

"It's to my dad and my brother, the letter. It's got blood on it."

"I can't understand you," Lightning said into her radio, "You're too far from me. Just keep your head down."

Lightning replaced the radio to her side and produced a rail optic for her weapon. Smoothly and quietly, she slid the sight onto the top rail of her weapon and tightened the base of the sight into the railing. Flattening her weapon against the ground, she inched the tip of her weapon around the edge of the building as she pressed a round into the chamber. The tower just within sight, she steadied her breathing as her target emerged into the view of her scope.

* * *

"Let me stop you there," Lieutenant Colonel Obraget said, hand in the air as his eyes traced through the notes he had made from earlier, "So you left your Corpsman in the road and did not make any effort to retrieve him?"

"I had to make a decision. This was not some random enemy patrol that spotted us and starting firing. This was an experienced marksman with superior training at a then unknown distance and location. Any effort made to retrieve him would endanger the life of that Soldier." Lightning was calm. Very calm. A Soldier's word reflected their fortitude, and her word was well reinforced by years of combat.

"I see," The Lt. Col. said as he continued to write. He put his pen down and looked across his desk to the Soldier, "And your relationship to Corpsman Merral D'Avonos was not a factor in that decision?"

"Sir?" Lightning became as confused as she was frustrated.

It was Captain Zilla's turn to speak. "Farron, the death of anyone under your command is tragic, but that's what we want to be sure of: that his death was a tragedy and nothing more."

Major Mavot raised her hand to silence Lightning before she could respond and addressed the bewildered Soldier. "Merral D'Avonos, Corpsman, formerly Deputy Marshall D'Avonos of Pulsian Sector 36, had instrumental involvement in the PS36 operation you carried out two years ago while you were a sergeant. According to your report back then, the town Marshall had found a monster in the mine of the town and used that monster to threaten the townsmen and women for goods and gil. When they had nothing left, the Marshall imprisoned the town's occupants in the mind and contacted the Academy and the Guardian Corps for relief goods and money. It wasn't until you and your men entered the mine that you were able to discover the corruption, the missing people, and the monster. The Cavalry under your command eliminated the monster while you had been incapacitated by an assailant. Also according to your report, one deputy marshall unimpeded in his duty by corruption saved you and helped direct a safe evacuation of the mind. According to the deputy's account, it was a Cavalry Soldier that attacked you. Deputy D'Avonos was the only marshall uncharged with any crime by the Academy or the GC allowing for his eligibility for enlistment in the Guardian Corps."

Lightning stared at the floor in disbelief. How could she have forgotten? How could she have not remembered who he was?

Lt. Col. Obraget calmly asked her attention, "Farron."

Lightning looked up, her mouth open and her eyes lost to confusion. "You think that because of who he was, I didn't do all I could have for the sake of his life! You think that I am responsible for his death, don't you?!"

Captain Zilla stood, silencing her. "We are simply trying to ensure that your shared past was not a factor in your decision making regarding the death of Corpsman D'Avonos. That is all."

Captain Zilla's gaze kept her in her seat, but her words were steadier than her legs. "So now what? You're going to hang me out to dry for his death because of what happened years ago? Is that it? After everything I've done for the Corps, for Cocoon?!"

"Miss Farron," Major Mavot began, "Please try to remain calm. We are simply-"

"What about Hope?! What are you going to do to him? What about me? Will I get to see him again?!"

The Lt. Col. stood this time, stepping away from his position behind the desk and approached the incoherent woman who sat cowering in her chair with only the shield of desperate words to separate the two.

"Farron. Stop talking." Obraget's words were as powerful as his presence, now lacking the accommodating tone he once had before. Lightning did as she was told."It takes time for this committee to make any decision. Do you understand?"

Lightning gulped and nodded, eyes glued to the man above her. Obraget turned back to the other two and nodded. Mavot and Zilla stood from behind the desk and began making their way to the only door on the far end of the hall where the young Lieutenant stood guard leaving Obraget and Lightning alone in the hall.

"For the time being, return to your home in New Bodhum. Ensure that yourself and young Estheim do not leave your district until otherwise instructed." Once Obraget had finished his command, he gestured to the young Lieutenant to come to him. The Lieutenant now stood at Lightning's side and prompted her to stand. Lightning stood, her eyes following the direction towards the door illustrated by the Lieutenant's outstretched and patiently waiting hand.

"You will hear from us soon."

* * *

Hope lived almost soulless. He had been since the days of the Purge, since his mother died. Veterans and survivors of war and chaos live amongst the world like ghosts amidst a crowd. The world moves on around them as they struggle in each passing moment to cling to the sanity that threatens to betray them at any moment. It was harder for him more than anyone, especially a Soldier. Only a child, he witnessed genocide, murder, death, betrayal, and the horrors of war that any good and reasonable man and woman would be devoured by. For Hope, this grueling and unforgiving existence was his reality, and it had been for years. No amount of new family, new memories, or even requited love could undo that damage.

After he had returned to New Bodhum, Hope found himself wandering the streets much like the ghost of his former self he had been for so long. Before the Purge, before the evil, he had family. He had friends. He had innocence. He enjoyed going home at the end of the day, not resent it. He looked forward to holidays, not hate them. He loved to watch fireworks, not fear them. But that was Hope Estheim, son of Nora, and he was long gone.

Amidst the beginning of this turmoil was the first friend he had truly ever made. She was kind, she was sweet, and she was just as guilty as he was. He couldn't go home, not after what had happened and what he had done. He needed to see her again. When he arrived at her home, he knocked on her door and began pacing back and forth on the six by six-foot porch.

"Hello?" Came a voice from the other side of the door, "It's late, you know?"

Recognizing the red-headed girl's voice, Hope pleaded for her presence. "Vanille, it's Hope. I… I'm sorry for coming over so late. I know it's nearly half-past eleven, but I just really needed someone to talk to right now."

Vanille unbolted the door and swung it open almost immediately. Her empathetic eyes met his with concerted concern as she greeted him with a hug. "Anything, Hope. Come in, come in."

Hope stepping inside and gently closed the door. "Thank you."

"Have a seat anywhere. Fang is out tonight so make yourself at home. Can I get you anything? I have some water in the pot. I'm making tea if you want some."

Hope nodded and took a seat on the couch as Vanille retreated into the kitchen.

"So what's on your mind?" Vanille called from the opposite side of the kitchen door. Taking his silence as a bit of nervous resistance, Vanille tried to ease his anxiety with some small talk as she put the kettle on the stove top, "You know, Fang and I were thinking about having everyone over one of these days. It would be really nice to throw a baby shower for Serah or an engagement dinner for you and Lightning. You should just let us know when you want to-"

Vanille found her arms pinned to her sides as a familiar presence wrapped itself around her. He was bigger than he used to be, but seemingly just as frightened and distressed. Feeling his presence behind her, she turned within his arms to meet his eyes before she would try to engage the pain he endured today. As she did, she was met with his lips to her own. They were soft, his kisses as innocent as his child-like soul. She had known this feeling before, and even a day or two had passed in recent years when she had missed him in such a way, but that world and that reality were long gone. Shortly after the beginning of the Purge, Hope and his friends had taken refuge in his father's home. After reconciling with his father the best he could, Hope and Vanille had found themselves alone. Both admitting to developing feelings about Lightning and Fang respectively, and realizing the seeming impossibility of such feelings of same-sex and younger-older desires, the two gave into a moment of weakness. Since then, their relationship was a strained one and only recently had begun to get better.

"Hope, stop it," Vanille pleaded as she tried to push away, "We can't do this. Not anymore."

Hope paused and clenched his fist at this side. "So I'm no good for you anymore? Just like then?"

"Hope, that's not it and you know it. And wasn't it you that wanted to do something about this? You came to me at the wedding and we made a promise! You're being extremely unfair."

"So what about back then? What was that? What was any of it?"

"We already talked about this!" This was the first time Hope had ever heard Vanille truly raise her voice. It startled him. "You were just a kid back then, and what I did to you was wrong. Like I said to you at Serah's wedding, what I did to you was just to satiate my own pain and loneliness. I never thought I could be with Fang the way I am, and you never thought you could be with Lightning. You two are engaged now! Why are you jeopardizing that?!"

Hope retreated to the other side of the kitchen and stared at the floor, his hands and lips trembling silently. Vanille could see the pain in his eyes and the fear that trapped his body. She approached him and took his hand gently.

"Hope, what happened?" She asked, "I haven't seen you like this since your mother…"

Hope turned away from her as his tears broke free of the wells of his eyes.

Vanille took his cheek in her hand in an attempt to reach him again. "Hope, talk to me, please…"

"It happened again," He muttered painfully, "It happened again, Vanille…"

"Tell me, Hope. Please tell me."

* * *

Hope stayed behind cover for what felt like an eternity. A second thundering crack roared through his ears as he tucked himself further into ground below him. Silence overtook him until his commanders words broke through.

Lightning's familiar voice rang down the length of the road to Hope's position behind cover. "We're clear! We need a medic up here!"

Hope leaped from his cover and sprinted towards his commander as she hovered over her fallen Soldier. As he ran forward, the young girl burst from behind the building ahead of him and ran back to the man and the woman taking refuge in the northeast buidling.

"I'm here, give me area," Hope said as he forced himself in between Lightning and Merral.

Merral's shaking hand took Hope's as his words escaped from his blood-soaked mouth. "Help me. Please. It fucking hurts so much. Please help me…"

"I gotta roll you over. I need to see your exit wound. Hang tight." Hope took his arm and rolled him onto his side as he pulled aside the service blouse from his body. Merral screamed in pain as his back came off of the ground. Skin now exposed, Hope saw something that made him deathly afraid for his fallen friend. Lightning knelt down to Hope and placed a hand over Merral's ear before whispering into Hope's ear.

"What do you see?" Lightning asked desperately, "Can you help him?"

"Do you see these?" Hope replied as he traced his finger down the length of Merral's spine, "There are multiple exit wounds and they surround the spinal cord. Most likely the bullet either split into fragments when it struck the spinal cord or pieces of rib and vertebrae were ripped from his body from the passing bullet. Either way, his spinal chord had to of stopped the primary path of the bullet. It looks like his heart was spared, but I can't say the same for anything else."

Lightning stood and stumbled away from the two in a dizzying haze as Hope tried desperately to stabilize his friend. Merral continued to cry in agony and his blood seeped into the ground below them turning the mix of dilapidated stone and sand into a dark red mud. While Lightning stood helplessly as one of her men lay dying before her, her Sergeant and two infantrymen knelt beside Hope in an attempt to help him.

"Keep his legs in the air. Keep them higher than his chest," Hope directed to one of the men beside him. Meanwhile, the Sergeant instinctively tore open Merral's fatigues and pressed his hands against the entry wound to apply pressure. The third samaritan did his best to stabilize Merral's head and neck as he wrapped his jacket around his neck and held his head in between his knees.

Hope's hand raced about Merral's body as he continued to give orders. "Sergeant, reach into the alice pack on my hip and find a box. It's about the size of an eyeglasses case."

Merral's body bucked against the ground as he begged his friend for salvation, blood seeping through his teeth and down the sides of his face. "Please, it hurts so fucking much. Help me… Help me… I miss my dad. I miss my brother. Am I gonna die? Please don't let me…"

Hope took the box from the Sergeant and opened it, revealing a series of small injectable units no more than an inch long. He took one between his fingers and thrust the needle-end of the piece into Merral's thigh.

"I gave you some morphine. I'm right here. Hang on," Hope eased, his voice betraying the meaning of his words.

"What next?" The sergeant asked.

Hope clenched his teeth and shook his head as his own hands pressed down against the sergeant's hands for added pressure. The sergeant, now aware of Hope's best efforts for palliation instead of survival, turned his face away from him and swore.

The rest of the platoon, now huddled around them, remained silent as Merral writhed in his own blood and scattered clothing, his attempts to scream muffled by the fluid that filled his throat. After several moments of seeming eternity, a voice broke that silence.

"Just give him another one already."

Merral and the sergeant looked to each other and nodded silently. Hope took another piece from his kit and thrust the needle-end of the piece into the opposite thigh.

Merral's movements calmed, the morphine now circulating as he called to his friend on last time. "I just want to go home… please… I just want to go home…"

Hope's tears fell from his face as he whispered back to his friend, "We're taking you home right now, okay? We're on our way right now. Just hang in there. Please…"

Merral's convulsions slowed and eventually ceased. His breathing went with them as his eyes stilled onto an unknown point in the sky above him. He remained motionless against the ground, the only movement being the blood that crept from his mouth and trickled down his cheeks. Hope peeled himself away from the body beside him and paced towards the distance. His head to the ground and his feet barely steadying him, he staggered to where Lightning stood a few meters away as she observed his actions.

"Hope, are you alright?" Lightning asked as he came closer, "You did everything you could. It will be-"

Lightning's words were halted by a heavy fist to her cheek. It was hard, fast, and strong like the body it had come from. She fell back onto the ground and clutched the side of her face with her hands. The greatest pain she felt from his strike against her was not physical. She felt betrayed by him. The hand that had once guided and caressed her now turned against her.

Hope's anger and frustration were finally at their limits. Every bit of fear, pain, and sense of death he had ever felt were behind that punch, and he had the words to prove as such. "YOU DID THIS! I COULD HAVE SAVED HIM!"

Several of her men helped her back to her feet as the others took Hope to the ground and wrestled his weapon away from his side. He fought them as they struggled to restrain him but ultimately lost. Lightning brushed herself off and quietly spoke something inaudible to her men into her radio before turning to her Sergeant.

"Sergeant, take a fire team and remand this man to your custody until an evac arrives. The rest of us will clear the rest of the village and finish the investigation before returning. Understood?" Her words were fearfully calm.

Her sergeant nodded and detained Hope with single-use plastic restraints. Lightning gathered the rest of her men and ordered them forward down the length of the road. As she pressed forward, she paused to look down at Hope. Their eyes met, his filled with rage while hers completely expressionless. When the moment passed, so did she.

* * *

"You hit Lightning?" Vanille asked, bewildered.

Hope nodded as wrung his hands together. "She should have let me help him. I told her I could get to him, but she wouldn't listen to me."

Vanille took him by the arm and guided him to the dining table. She took a seat next to him and kept his hand within hers. "What more could you have done? You said it yourself, the wound was beyond repair."

"I could have tried! I would have had more time!" Hope cried as he buried his face into his free arm.

"You can't blame yourself. You can't blame Lightning either. She did what she had to." Vanille squeezed his hand as she tried to console him. "He was your friend. I know that. But, the last time you went through this, you…"

Hope pulled his hand away from her and clutched at the sides of his head as his body rocked with his sobbing. He was at his limits now. He had faced death before and narrowly regained what little sanity he had left. Nora was one thing. Merral, the only true friend he had made after his days as a l'Cie was now gone. Whether by obstinance or inability, Hope refused to face the death of his friend. He couldn't live with this pain. Not anymore.

Vanille stood from her chair and wrapped her arms around his head and his body as she stroked the top of his head. She continued to do so as she swayed his body back and forth in her arms. Once he had calmed down just enough, she knelt down to him and took his hands within hers once again.

"Have you spoken to his family?" She asked.

Hope shook his head and produced some pieces of tattered paper from his pockets. The first was a letter addressed to Merral's father and his brother.

Vanille held the letter in her hands, hope returning to her voice. "This letter is a good place to start, right?"

Hope shook his head again. "His father and brother were killed by Sanctum years ago. All I had to go on was this. Lebreau said Merral told her that they both passed away."

Vanille took the second item from Hope's hands. It was a well-worn, wrinkled punch card. It had eight punches on it, a ninth needed for the tenth meal free. The top of the card read "NORA House".

The whistling of the kettle called Vanille back to the kitchen. She returned to the dining room table with two mugs, hot water, and some tea packets and sugar.

She tossed a packet of each into a mug of hot water and presented it to Hope. "Sip this."

Hope took the mug from her and did as he was told as her hands wrapped around his. His breathing slowed, nerves calmed, and muscled relaxed around his eyes and the warmth of the tea slid down his throat and seeped into his hands from the mug.

"Can I stay here tonight?" Hope asked, "Lightning was called to Eden headquarters and I don't want to be there when she gets back. We haven't spoken since… I…"

"He can stay," Fang said from the threshold of the kitchen door.

Hope and Vanille jumped out of their chairs nearly spilling their tea.

Vanille's hands retreated from around Hope's as she awkwardly cleared her throat. "How l-long have y-you been there, Fang?"

"Long enough," Fang replied as she made her way through the kitchen and into the dining room. She placed a hand on Hope's shoulder, "Get some rest, kiddo. Feel free to use the guest room. We can talk about what to do next in the morning."


	22. Update from Ferus Olan!

Hello everyone, Ferus Olan here. There are a few things I wanted to say in light of my absence.

Firstly, to those of you who have supported me and kept with me this far, thank you so much. Your continued support has only ever grown my love and dedication to this fandom, and to Hopurai, and I am eternally grateful.

Second, I have every intention of finishing all of my stories and they will be finished. I have gotten some concern since my last updates and I am sorry it is taking me so long. I am in the last year of my time at University and I will try to make as much time as possible for my writing. Rest assured, I will finish or I will die beforehand. Again, I am so sorry for so little in this past year.

Thirdly, I am going to continue First Dance. I have an ending to that story I would like to achieve. I will also go through and edit/clean up that first chapter and make some changes to get it ready for continuation. Warm embrace is nearing its last leg as is broken souls. I have been toying with the idea of sequels in which their conflicts are over and they can live peaceful lives in their respective worlds. I like the idea of writing about each pair's growth and struggle in their relationships and attempts at families after they have achieved the respective peace and freedom each desires.

Thank you again for all of your love and support. I will see you at the finish line.

-With love, Ferus Olan.


	23. It's Time

_**Anonymous -** _ _I cannot describe the JOY I felt when you told me this was your favourite story in the WHOLE fandom and even of all the fics you have ever read! Thank you so much! I honestly can't believe you've read this story 4 times! That's insane! I hope I continue to meet your expectations. Thank you for your support and very, very, very generous words._

_**Conbuilder10 -** _ _Dude, thank you so much. It means so much to me that you are able to take so much from this story. I started writing this on a whim, just to be able to give life to the versions of these characters I had always thought them to be and be able to contribute to this fandom. I appreciate your kind words and will do all I can to keep going._

_**Prince_fiend -** _ _Honestly, I'm sure you are super pissed with how long it is taking me to keep these updates going. All I can say is that I am sorry and I hope you will forgive me. I will try to bring this story to you as it unfolds as promptly as I can._

_**Kumokubo -** _ _I hope you have recuperated well enough from my last entry. I have given you more than enough time to do so, perhaps too much time. For that, I am truly sorry. Your support thus far has been a driving force for me to continue. Thank you, my friend._

**23**

**It's Time**

The two sat in silence as they sipped Fang's Oerban coffee. Stronger than the traditional brews of New Bodhum, the scent ruminated about the room as Lightning choked down her cup. Fang, however, put the strong, black coffee away with ease. Fang's relative ease with her coffee came much like a testament to her approach to relationships. She and Vanille had been together much longer than Hope and Lightning, and because so, they were more honest. Much more honest. Fang took a long sip from her cup before setting it down onto a coaster. Fang wasn't big on the design of the coasters, but the dining table was hers. Lightning did nothing, staring into her cup this time as she tried to prepare herself for what was coming.

"Lightning," Fang began, her Oerban accent piercing Lightning's ears, "You come all this way and just sit there. You haven't even tried to see him."

Lightning's response was quick and deliberate. "He doesn't want to see me. That much is clear right now."

"Then why are you here?" Fang's question was more for her friend's benefit than for herself. Fang knew the answer, but forcing her friend to think would facilitate some good.

Lightning took a sip from her coffee, wincing as she swallowed before replacing her cup onto her own coaster. "Nice coasters."

"They were Vanille's idea. She picked them out, not me. Frilly cute colours are… not my thing." Fang decided to entertain her, if only briefly.

"Good coffee." Lightning's response was reflexive. Despite Fang's attempt to get her friend to think, Claire did her best to avoid the inevitable.

"It is good coffee," Fang began, "Truthfully, when Vanille and I started living together she would go out and buy that shit coffee in those bags from the coffee shops she likes so much. I hated that coffee, so I went and found a place that lets you order your own kind of coffee. They are more expensive, sure, but now I don't have to drink that teenage, girly, piss water that Vanille tried to shovel down my throat. So yeah, it is good fucking coffee."

Lightning sat frozen, cup in hand. "...Oh…"

"You didn't come here to talk about coffee, did you?" Fang nearly barked, clearly annoyed.

Lightning shook her head. "Where is he?" She asked.

"Upstairs. Sleeping." Fang replied.

"And Vanille?"

"Upstairs. Sleeping."

Lightning showed a brief, split second expression of anger and disgust. Fang noticed. It was more than enough.

Fang sipped her coffee once more before setting it down. "So you know about those two. About what happened in his father's home all those years ago… I didn't think he had it in him to tell you."

"Vanille told me," Lightning snapped back, her fists clenched under the table, "Sometime after she told you."

Fang took a deep breath and sighed heavily. "Of course she did."

The two of them took a moment to remember their respective exchanges with the red-haired girl. For Fang, her relationship with Vanille hadn't always been so finite. Vanille's confession certainly tossed them around during their own beginnings. Fang loved her, always had. But something, somewhere, hidden from her own eyes was pushing Vanille away from her. Fang did the only thing she knew to do to save herself from drowning in the absence of the one she loved. She told her so.

"I love you, Vanille. Come live with me."

"I had sex with Hope." Vanille replied, "I love you, Fang. But, there's no world we live in where you could really love me. It's all my fault, Fang. I'm so sorry…"

Not the ideal response Fang was hoping for. She remembered standing there, stunned, in silence as Vanille regaled her story like some damn grand feat of honesty. Consumed by her seemingly unrequited love for Fang and realization that a relationship with her would not be well received by the new society to be formed in the absence of Sanctum, Vanille resorted to the one solace she knew to go to: physical intimacy. Even though he didn't truly love her, at least he was struggling much like her.

In the end, Vanille came home with her. Fang adopted a forceful method to bring the girl home with her, her fear of her absence and losing her to someone else being the driving force for her sins. Fang forced Vanille into her home, locked the doors and windows, and kept the girl in her bedroom for multiple days until Fang was finally satisfied, at least physically. Fang allowed her food and drink by her hand only, Vanille being incapacitated as she was, her wrists tied to the railing at the head of Fang's bed. Vanille did as she was told, eating, drinking, pleasing her captor, all at the command of her former friend. She did so without hesitation or resistance. To Vanille, it was such intimacy with Fang she had longed for for so long, albeit as misplaced and unhealthy as such satiation was. There was even a moment in the locked, pitch black bedroom that Vanille entertained the idea that it was all penance, penance she needed to pay to regain the love and trust of the one she longed for. There were moments when Vanille considered that her current captivity would have been indefinite, forever being confined to the darkness of another's room at the beckon call of her captor's desires. But to her, such an existence was better than being without Fang's presence. Once Fang snapped back to reality, her daze of sexual frustration and rage finally relieved, Fang untied her and gave Vanille the chance to finally leave. Vanille, instead, chose to stay. Fang always thought that it was perhaps because of her forceful methods of bringing the girl into her home that established the paradigm their relationship had currently, but for Fang, Vanille was by her side at last, and that was all she needed to focus on. Neither of them were sinless, or perfect, but it was enough to keep them together.

For Lightning, Vanille's confession came when she and Hope had just started living together. Vanille came to visit one weekday while Hope was still in high school. For Lightning, the fall of Sanctum and being reunited with her family and friends marked the first moments of her life when she truly desired the togetherness their journey had given them. She wanted her family. She wanted her friends. She wanted to love and be loved, even by Vanille.

"I had sex with Hope. It was when we were hiding from PSICOM in his father's home. I'm sorry, Lightning. I'm so sorry…"

Eventually, Vanille left Lightning's apartment on her own without even so much as a word from the Soldier. Lightning was stunned, left without the ability to respond with even a single word. Lightning did her best to act as normally as she could when Hope came home from school that day. She couldn't help but feel rage and pain each time she saw him, each time he ate her food or slept in her home. As for Vanille, Lightning did her best to forgive her, and with Fang's help, the two salvaged what friendship they could.

The two returned to the present within Fang's home, sipping their strong cups of coffee while the red-haired girl and emotionally distraught Hope slept upstairs.

"He never told you?" Fang asked.

Lightning shook her head. "I don't think he ever will. He was so young when it happened, it probably hurt him more than anyone here."

Fang took a deep breath, sighing softer this time than she had before. "I agree. Though, if you two could at least talk about it… I mean, you two are engaged after all…"

Lightning smiled half-heartedly before wiping her eyes. "Maybe…"

"Hope told us what happened on your last assignment, about his friend, and about what he did to you."

"Did he really tell you what happened, or what is-?"

Fang put her hand up, stopping her. "You two may have been on opposing sides this time, but that boy is not one to lie."

Lightning sighed. "You're right… I…"

"I can't tell you two how to live your life together. I've made plenty of mistakes with Vanille, unforgivable ones. None of us are sinless, maybe save for your sister."

Lightning chuckled. Sarah was certainly the saint of the group. That much was undeniable.

"I can only tell you that if you truly love him," Fang continued, "You'll continue to do so, even if you fight. This probably won't be the last time you two fight like this either."

"If we can stay together at all." Lightning painfully recalled the events of her hearing with her GC superiors.

"The Guardian Corps didn't like his actions, did they…" Fang replied, "They probably weren't big fans of your relationship with him when they found out either."

"How did you know?"

"I didn't," Fang eased, "But judging by your reaction and the fact that they were going to find out eventually… well, you know…"

Lightning nodded before putting her forehead on the dining table.

"I know it's not really my place to say, but, Lightning, maybe Hope's presence in the Guardian Corps isn't the best place for you two. When I learned Hope wanted to join the Corps, I knew why. But, maybe you two would benefit from a more.. traditional relationship?"

Lightning spoke without raising her head from the table. "Meaning?"

"Well, like, you go to work with the Corps, and he works a normal job or goes back to school. Something more… domestic, like him."

Lightning chuckled again. "Well, maybe if  _you_  try telling him that, he'll finally listen."

"He just wants to close by you." Fang smiled as she said so. "He loves you. Despite what you may think, he isn't primarily concerned with being close to you for his own sake. He doesn't want to be near you to appease his desire to be close to you. He wants to be near you because the thought of him going any period of time without being able to show you that he loves you hurts more than your absence."

Lightning raised her head from the table before wiping her eyes again. "Thank you, Fang."

Fang stood from the table to make her way upstairs. "It's really early still. I'm going back to bed. Hope is in the guest room. You know where it is. He may need a little bit more time, so don't be surprised if he wants to be left alone still.."

Lightning took a deep breath and stood to follow her friend. "Okay."

"I meant what I said, Lightning. Talk to him about it. He's still a young man… no, a boy. He's truly still a boy who's just in love with an older woman. He still needs encouragement like anyone else his age. Encouragement to pursue things he needs to pursue: school, friends, that sort of thing."

"You make it sound like I'm his mother now," Lightning replied.

Fang sighed. "I don't know what you are to him, or what to call it. But, he needs both love from a lover and guidance from a friend. Not just one or the other. Remember that."

Lightning watched her friend disappear beyond her bedroom door as she pondered Fang's words.  _When did she start to sound like a wise old lady?_  Lightning wondered.

* * *

Lightning slowly peeled open the door to the guest room. She peeked through the opening between the door and the threshold before stepping foot inside. A slow rise and fall beneath the covers of the twin sized bed was accompanied by the soft breaths of peaceful sleep. Lightning tip-toed to the side of the bed and carefully knelt down before sitting back onto her legs. With one hand, she slowly peeled the cover away from the head of the bed to reveal a mop of disheveled silver hair.

Even just the sight of his head and his hair brushing against the pillow with each breath put a lump into Claire's throat. Tears welled in her eyes as her fingers slowly crept into the crevices of his locks of hair, softly stroking them. His hair was warm and soft, much like how he cared for her day after day since they began living together. His words, gestures, hugs, and gazes were soft, loving, and brought just the joy and warmth her heart needed to make it through each day. Lightning cursed herself as she stroked his hair. Since the day she met him, she had been cold, disconcerned, and even downright cruel in her consideration of his needs and feelings. Meanwhile, he had done nothing but love her.

Hope stirred in his bed, the sensation of her hand against his head disturbing his early morning slumber. Lightning pulled away from him and replaced the covers over his head. She took a moment to watch him settle back comfortably into his original position, his breathing slowing. She wanted to wake him, to tell him she loved him. She wanted to tell him to leave the Corps, go to school and make friends like a normal boy his age. She wanted him to be the kid he should have been, not the caretaker of ill-mannered Soldier he was forced to be growing up. Her love for him as a woman and her love for him as his friend and mother-like supporter drove a painful spike in her heart, pain she felt even now. However, it was just as Fang had said, he needed her as both a friend and his fiance. The two of them had been forced to grow up early in life, and nothing could reverse that.

Seeing Hope again, content now that he was safe after disappearing from her upon their return from their assignment, she stood and carefully made her way towards the bedroom door. Before she could reach the door, the covers from the bed stirred again.

"Vanille?" Came a soft voice out of sight underneath the blankets.

Lightning's face adopted an expression of agony and jealousy, feelings she was all too familiar with. "No. It's me, Hope," Lightning nearly hissed despite her best efforts.

Hope abruptly sat up in his bed and furiously rubbed his eyes. "Light? What are you… I mean… How did you know I was here?"

Lightning, a mere foot from the bedroom door, turned to face the disheveled young man. "I went to Serah's house first thinking you'd go there. I was looking for you everywhere. I even called your father. I was getting desperate so I called Fang in the middle of the night. She told me to come over in the morning."

Hope scooted off the bed hurriedly, flopping onto the floor as he tried to quickly wrestle on his clothes. "I'm sorry I worried you. I'll get out of your hair now," He muttered, pulling his shirt over his head as he tried to squeeze past Lightning to reach the door.

Lightning grabbed his arm before he could leave. "Hope, please wait. I was really worried about you. I wanted to talk to you at least. Please don't go."

"I'm sorry, Light. I shouldn't have done what I did. I should go. This isn't working out, you and me. I'm an idiot and I deserve this. Please let me go." Hope tried to wrestle his arm away from her but to no avail.

"Hope, just stop for a second, please. I was only trying to protect you back then. What happened to your friend, I'm so sorry. Please, we can work through this!"

Hope's body calmed as he turned to face her, tears welling in his eyes. "I can't take this anymore, Light. I don't want to fight anymore. I just want to be free. I just want to go home to you. That's all I ever wanted. Now, I can't do that anymore after what I did to you. I can't stand to hurt you again. Please, let me just-"

Silence fell on the room. Hope's pleas for solitude came to a sudden halt as Claire's lips pressed against his. It was rare for her to take such a step on her own, but he needed to be silenced somehow. Hope's body calmed within her arms as she wrapped herself around him. It wasn't the most seductive of moments. He smelled like he hadn't showered in ages. His lips were dry and peeling. His breath was stale. His face was dry and crusted over from the tears of last night. His hair was wildly out of place and smelled like dirt and sweat. However, to her, each sensation his being brought to her at this moment made her yearn for more. At last, her lips left his as she pulled away, his face caressed gently between her hands.

"Hope, I may care for you like an inexperienced and poorly equipped mother, treat you like a misguided friend, and crave for you like an insatiable lover, but I love you like your future wife. I feel many things because of these sentiments, things that give me joy and pain at the same time. However, the last thing I will ever do is let you go, so don't even say- no, don't even think such things because I will never allow such a future to exist." Lightning's words were her usual: stone cold and firm like the warrior she was often feared to be. "Do you understand me?"

Hope stared back at her, his body filled with joy and fear simultaneously. She had never been so forceful with him before in their relationship. In fact, it was often him who adopted such a manner. Proposing leaving her had set her over the edge, and he knew it now. "Y-y-yes…" Hope whispered as he nodded slowly. "I'm… I'm sorry I hit you… I won't do it again…"

"You're tired, Hope," Lightning began as she led him by the hand back to the bed, "Get some more rest, please."

Hope did as he was told and stripped back down save for his shirt before climbing back into the covers. Once settled in, Lightning stroked his bangs from his forehead as he lay there, his eyelids heavy with sleep as he tried desperately to meet her gaze.

"I love you," He muttered. "I'm sorry for everything. I love you…"

"Hope, what do you think about leaving the Corps like your father suggested? Maybe going to school, working with your dad doing things you want to do, making some friends your own age too?" Lightning asked softly.

"But I won't be able to see you like I do now…"

Lightning kissed his forehead. "I know. But, I'll always come home to you. You can live the life you need to live, and you will be safer and happier. I can promise you that. There are things you need, that we both need to make this work, and you in the Guardian Corps just isn't one of them right now."

Hope's eyes succumbed to the weight of his eyelids. "And then?"

"We can be a real family, you and me. You can go to the Academy, I can move into an administrative role in the GC, and we can move towards a quiet, peaceful life like Snow and Serah."

Hope turned to his side, trapping Claire's hand in between his pillow and his cheek. "You'd really do that? For me?"

"For us," Claire replied, "I'm sure a Warrant Officer like me could find some boring paper-pushing job somewhere. Especially with my number of deployments. I can't keep this up forever after all."

Hope moaned sheepishly. "But you'd hate that. I know it. Hell, you hate it already."

"Not as much as I'd hate not being able to come home to you."

"Well, if I go work for my dad in Academia, maybe you could just stay home entirely and have my babies," Hope joked, chuckling as the words fell from his lips.

To the surprise of her young fiance, Lightning was quick to reply. "If that's what you want me to do, sure."

Hope sat up and stared at her in disbelief. "Seriously?"

She nodded, smiling.

Hope laughed as he laid back into the bed. "No way. As much as work would be tedious and boring, you'd go crazy without it. I won't do that to you. Not yet, at least."

As Hope began to fall back asleep, Claire laid her head against the head of the bed. His breathing eventually slowed and became regular again. Content he was finally asleep, Lightning stood and made her way to the door again, stepping beyond it once her hand was on the door handle. She allowed the door to close passively on its own before leaning against it.

Solemn disappointment filled her voice as she whispered, "Idiot… what if I want to?"

* * *

"Leaving so soon?" Vanille asked Lightning as the Soldier's hand reached for the front door.

Lightning stopped, remained facing the door and away from the girl. "I thought you and Fang went back to sleep."

"She did," Vanille replied, "I already got enough sleep."

"I see."

"Do you want to talk for a little bit?"

Lightning sighed uneasily. "I don't know what to talk about with you, Vanille. Not after today…"

"We're friends, aren't we, Lightning? I've done everything I could to fix what I did, to fix us."

Lightning reluctantly turned to face her friend. "It's not because of you, Vanille. I appreciate everything you've done. We've all made mistakes, and I still… love you as a friend. We're all family, we always will be. It's just…"

"But there's still something you need, isn't there…" Vanille replied.

Lightning nodded. "I think I still need to hear it from him… maybe. I don't know. He's such a broken boy, I don't know if I ever will…"

"No more broke than the rest of us. No more broken than you, Light." Vanille offered as tears streamed down her cheeks.

Lightning nodded, her own tears to follow. Vanille approached the pink-haired woman and wrapped her arms around her waist.

"You two will always be together, that I am sure of." Vanille's words coated Lightning's cracked and weary soul. "And you will always have friends here, waiting for you when you need them."

"Thank you. Thank you for being his friend," Lightning whispered.

"And thank you for being mine," Vanille replied, "I love you. Fang and I, we both do, you know."

"I know, Vanille. I know." Lightning turned for the door and disappeared to the other side, the light of the sun briefly casting itself amidst the inside of the dimly lit home before leaving as quickly as it came. Vanille was left alone as the door closed slowly, the latch clicking audibly in place.

"Vanille?" Fang called from the top of the staircase. "Are you okay?"

Vanille turned towards Fang, wiping the tears from her face. "I'm fine, Fang. Don't worry."

"I guess Hope went back to sleep. Why don't you come back to bed and do the same?"

Vanille shook her head. "I slept enough. You were the one that woke up to let Lightning in earlier. I'll be okay."

"No, Vanille. You didn't sleep enough. I know you were awake all last night. You don't need to lie to her, or to me. Come here." Fang's soft-spoken command was met with her outstretched hand.

Vanille quietly obeyed, making her way up the stairs and into the arms of her lover.

Fang wrapped her arms around her and guided her back to their bedroom. "Go get in bed, Vanille."

The two locked themselves in their bedroom, allowing the quiet morning be the one to dominate the rest of the home.

* * *

This was the second time Lightning had to stop on her drive home from Fang and Vanille's. Lightning was never one for show or flash, and her economy car with above average gas mileage certainly reflected as such. Lately, however, there didn't seem to be enough gas stations in New Bodhum to go around. Lightning holed herself up in the single-stall women's restroom. She felt a bit of guilt for making any of the other female patrons wait on her, but she was having rougher day than most. Lightning learned that the more you fought against it, the worse the experience was. Each time she felt the urge, she did her best to let it happen. Counting the three other times from the other gas station from earlier in the trip, this next one would be the fifth.

Lightning knelt over the toilet and tried to relax the rest of her body as the sensation overtook her.

Nothing came this time. All she could muster was some dry retching. Granted, it was better than truly vomiting, but it didn't provide the same sense of relief. At the very least it meant there was nothing left to vomit up and she might be able to make it home.

Satisfied the ordeal was over, for now, she stood and turned to the sink to clean herself up before unlocking the bathroom door. The scent of car air fresheners and lemon cleaner on the floor greeted her.

"Hey, you okay?" The young girl from behind the shop counter asked.

Lightning nodded. "Just a little car sick."

The clerk eyed her GC badge that was clipped to her belt, convinced that the "car sickness" was a lie. The young girl had a hunch, but that was all it was. "Hang on."

Lightning did as she was told and watched the girl disappear behind a toiletry aisle before returning.

The girl held something out to Lightning. "Here," She offered.

Lightning took the items from her hands. It was a single use toothbrush and a tiny single use container of mouthwash.

"Since you seem like the kind of one to be, um… "careful", well, you know… "practice safe" um… well, anyway, hopefully, it's just some food poisoning or something, yeah?" The girl mumbled.

"What do I owe you?" Lightning stuffed the items into her jacket pocket and reached for her wallet.

"Don't worry about it," The girl replied, "Just get home safe."

Lightning did as she was told and waved thanks to the girl as the door closed behind her, the "ding-dong" of the electronic bell announcing her departure. She unlocked her car and sat in the driver's seat, taking a slow deep breath before putting her keys in the ignition.

 _Just make it home, and get some rest,_ She thought,  _If I can do that much, I can figure everything else out later._

*Bzz Bzzt*... *Bzzt Bzzt*... *Bzzt Bzzt*

 _Shit, just what I needed,_ Lightning thought as she reached for her phone. "Hello?"

"Farron? It's Captain Zilla. Do you have a moment?" The voice on the other end of the line was more reassuring than she had anticipated it to be.

"Yes, sir. Go ahead," Lightning replied as she tried to hide her nausea behind a collected voice.

"Well, as you know, your recent hearing was more of a show than anything else. There really isn't anything the Corps could do to you regarding the loss of one of your men. You made all the right decisions and what happened was an unfortunate and unexpected loss, nothing more. However, your relationship with your subordinate didn't go over too well with the others."

"I expected as much." Lightning couldn't help but feel unnerved at what else he might say.

"As far as the two of you, under my command at least, as long as I'm here the two of you are protected as far as I can manage. Unfortunately, my influence doesn't extend as far up the chain of command as it does down it." Captain Zilla's tone was more apologetic than cautionary, but the caution was noticeable.

"I see," Lightning replied nervously, "So… what will happen now?"

"Formal punishment will probably be spared, perks of Hope being the son of Bartholomew Estheim I imagine. You'll most likely be moved into a more… non-command-like role. They were deciding between a Corps-civilian liaison within a public government building somewhere in New Bodhum or sticking you in a recruitment office. There are other options floating around out there. Either way, it looks like you will definitely lose you command."

"I would rather be a paper-pusher in some government building than be stuck in a recruiter's office," Lightning snapped quickly.

"I figured as much. I'll see what I can do," Captain Zilla offered, "You know, considering how long you've been a Soldier, maybe this isn't the worse thing to happen to you. You could use the time away from things trying to kill you."

Lightning looked out her driver's side window and smiled. "I was thinking the same thing."

The two said their goodbyes before Lightning silenced her phone and tucked it away into her jacket pocket. The pain and nausea subsiding, Lightning turned the key in the ignition and rolled away down the road to her side of town. The drive home left her to her thoughts and feelings. Thoughts of relief and respite regarding her new position filled her mind as feelings of apprehension and concern flooded her heart. While it would be good to be the one to stay home, or at the least stay in town during working hours while Hope was off doing what he needed to do, she had her fears about their future. Hope would be going off to school and working for his father. While such things would be good for him at his age, she worried if he would start to look at other girls rather than her. It's not like he had been given much of a chance otherwise growing up. Most importantly, though, was her suspicion of what her vomiting and general feelings of malaise alluded to. She had seen it in her sister before, but perhaps Hope wouldn't react as well to such news as Snow did. Although Hope and Lightning had both said they wanted this, recent events had shown her just how fragile their relationship truly was.

* * *

It was still technically morning by the time Hope had crawled out of bed. Since he had started sleeping in Lightning's bed, he routinely would roll over onto her side of the bed as she was usually the first one up. Secretly enjoying the warmth and scent she left behind was something he looked forward to each morning. However, he wasn't home and the twin sized bed of Fang and Vanille's guest bedroom left him halfway on the bed and hallway on the floor.

*Knock Knock*

Fang's voice pierced through the closed door. "Are you okay in there, Hope? I heard a thud. Can I come in?"

Hope picked himself up off the floor and rubbed his head. "Yeah."

Fang stepped inside. "You sound all right. Vanille made breakfast if you want to come down and-" Fang stopped midway between him and the door, covering her eyes.

"What is it?" Hope asked.

"You're barely dressed, Hope. If you're only wearing boxers and a t-shirt, don't tell me it's okay to come in. Do you walk around your own home like this?"

Hope shrugged indifferently. "Pretty much. It's not something no one has seen before. I'm covered where I need to be. What's the big deal?"

"I suppose? Just, put some sweat pants on or something and come downstairs. There are some spare clothes in the dresser next to you."  _No wonder Lightning was pent up all the time,_ Fang thought to herself.

Hope slipped on some loose fitting sweat pants and followed his host downstairs and to the dining room. Hope smiled as the scent of blueberry pancakes and scrambled eggs filled his nose.

"Heya, Hope!' Vanille called out from amidst the kitchen, "You and Fang have a seat at the table, and I'll bring the goodies out to you two."

"Thanks, Vanille," Hope replied as he found a seat at the table.

Fang, instead, made her way to the kitchen. Approaching Vanille from behind, she wrapped her arms around the younger woman's waist and kissed her on her cheek. "Thank you, Vanille."

Vanille said nothing but smiled, pressing her cheek against Fang's lips as she flipped pancakes from the stove top pan onto a plate. Vanille brought the pancakes and eggs to the table while Fang procured glasses, cutlery, and plates from the cabinet and orange juice from the fridge.

"Did Lightning leave already?" Hope asked as the other two sat down across from him at the dining table.

"She did," Vanille replied as she placed two pancakes on his plate and poured some juice into his glass, "Did you two have a chance to talk?"

His mouth full of pancakes and syrup, Hope looked at his friend and nodded.

"What did you guys talk about?" Fang asked.

Vanille looked at Fang disapprovingly.  _Don't ask that_ _now_ , Vanille's eyes pleaded.

Fang shrugged and gave her the "What's the big deal?" look.

Hope continued to pioneer into the depths of his pancakes with his knife and fork. "She and I were thinking of me leaving the GC to go back to school in Academia. My dad offered to arrange something like that a little while ago. She thinks the GC may not be the best place for me, for both of our's sake. I'll miss not getting to see her as much as I do, but… if recent days have told us anything, she's probably right."

"Really?" Fang and Vanille spoke in unison, both equally surprised, "Leave the GC?"

"Mhm… and Ligftheninth wanths tuh-"

"Swallow first, kiddo," Fang said as she wiped the corners of his mouth with a napkin.

Hope, in many ways, was still just a kid. Both Fang and Vanille felt a certain joy on hearing this news. Many nights, they would stay up talking about their friends, especially Hope and Lightning. Although Fang and Vanille didn't have the opportunities to enjoy the privileges of youth much like Serah did, they always felt Hope still had such a chance.

Hope choked down his mouthful of pancake and syrup and took a gulp of his orange juice. "Lightning wants to quit working out in the field and work closer to home, or even stay at home I think."

"Hm…" Vanille replied, "And… how do you feel about it?"

"Honestly, I don't want her to get bored. You know how she is about being a Soldier. It's all she's ever done." Hope took another forkful of pancake and shoved it in his mouth.

Fang took a sip of coffee from her mug and leaned back in her chair. "Make sure the two of you really talk about it. You two have been through a lot these past few days. Besides, you two are getting married soon and everything like that. What if you guys start trying to have kids? Gotta keep those things in mind."

Hope shook his head as he swallowed his previous bite. "Oh, she already wants kids. We already trying."

Fang and Vanille glanced at each other, wide-eyed, and stared back at him. "Huh, is that so?" Vanille replied.

Hope smiled and nodded, his mouth full of pancakes.

Fang gently put her hand on his wrist, "Are you sure you two are ready for that? Are  _you_  ready for that?"

Hope swallowed his food and looked back at his friend. "I mean, I think so. We've been together all this time. If there's anything she wants then I want to be the one to give it to her. If she wants a child, then I want a child too."

Vanille took a deep breath and sighed. "I admire your unwavering devotion to her, but you still need to assess yourself as well. It's going to take both of you to do this right. The two of you need to feel ready together. Just because she wants a child doesn't mean it's what you both need right now."

"This got serious all the sudden," Hope replied, "I mean, c'mon you guys. How hard is it to have a kid?"

"It's not having the kid that's the hard part. It's raising the child that takes true readiness from both parents." Fang's words cut through the air like a hot knife.

Hope's appetite quickly faded. He looked up at his concerned friends, his face adopting an expression of apprehension. "What are you two saying?"

"Hope," Vanille began, her hand reaching for Fang's, "We don't really… well, really know anything for certain. But, you must have noticed when you looked at her."

"I don't understand. What are you saying, Vanille?"

Fang followed her partner's attempt to express their collective concern. "She's… well, she's looking weaker and a little pale and… Look, Hope. All we're trying to say is that you should have this conversation with her now while you have the chance. That's all, okay? We're not trying to worry you or anything."

"She's not looking well?" Hope's replied, concern hanging from his voice, "Do you think that she's already-?"

"Now, Hope, like we said before, we are just concerned is all. No one here is saying anything for sure, only that it would be wise to talk to her about it. It'll be a first for her too, you know. I don't think she's dated anyone other than you. It's an important talk in a relationship, that's all we mean by it," Vanille assured.

"Okay. I think I understand." Hope took a deep breath and relaxed back into his chair. "You two scared me a little there," He said, forcing a chuckle.

Fang and Vanille nodded, smiling as they refilled his glass with orange juice and placed another pancake on his plate. "Eat as much as you'd like, Hope. I made plenty," Vanille said, smiling.


End file.
